Everyone has different levels of cleanliness.
Some people can go a day, or even a week, without vacuuming or wiping down surfaces, while others need to do both of those things multiple times a day.
Nor does everyone share the same mindset of using the same eating utensils or hand soap as others.
While plenty of people get nauseous at the very thought of where something has been.
Redditor Vast-Tomorrow6716 had a bowl in her home that was used for one specific purpose.
When she noticed her husband was using that bowl for a different purpose, the original poster (OP) made her displeasure known.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA- doubling meat defrosting bowl as bowl for cleaning dirty mop pads?"
The OP explained why she was horrified at how her husband was using a certain bowl:
"AITA for starting a fight about using items for specific purposes."
"For context, I hate with a passion anything to do with defrosting meat/raw meat."
"We (33 F[emale] and 32 M[ale]) have a large bowl whose only purpose is for defrosting meat."
"We put frozen meat into the bowl and let it defrost in the sink."
"When I came home last night, my husband was using this bowl for cleaning our robot vacuum's dirty mop pads."
"Obviously there was a fight as he claims we're going to wash the bowl and it can be used for both purposes and I don't think it's sanitary to use the bowl for both purposes."
"We have buckets for mopping/cleaning that he could of used instead."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was largely in agreement that the OP was not the a**Hole for yelling at her husband.
There were a few who felt that the OP overreacted, as the bowl could have easily been cleaned after the husband used it:
"YTA."
"People use the popcorn bowl as a puke bowl."
"They wash it between uses and its just fine."
" What do you do with your hands if you accidentally touch something like poop or if you touch vomit?"
"Soap and water is what you usually use for that."- Myrkana
Just about everyone else, however, sympathized with the OP, understanding why she would want to keep anything used for food separate from anything used for cleaning:
"As a meat cutter NTA."
"In the meat department we would NEVER use even a rag for cleaning the floor on a table if it was clean."
"There are 2 different colors of rags so this never happens."
"Additionally; I hope you are running water when you defrost the meat to keep bacteria from growing."
"Sitting it in a bowl of stagnant water is not safe."
"Always run the water, and run it cold."- unfoldingtourmaline
"NTA."
"I think it's sensible to keep food related equipment separate from cleaning equipment."
"Don't use food tongs to fish something out of the toilet even if you're going to clean it after."
"Don't use the sick bowl for salad."
"Don't scrub cap poo out of the carpet with a sponge you later wipe down your counter tops no matter how much you bleached it."
"Keep these things separate so that people feel safe to eat."- Key-Twist596
"NTA."
"Food and cleaning solutions should always be separate."- Idcwhoknows
"NTA."
"I have relatively low standards of cleanliness compared to my wife and even I take the line of utensils for food and drink are strictly just for that."
"And growing up in an Asian household, for anyone foolish enough to do what your hubby did, all we can say is 'nice knowing you' after the wife/mum/MIL sees what he has done :D."-Zealousideal_Bag7104
"NTA, food tools (especially for raw meat) should be kept away from harsh cleaning chemicals and tools."
"Like maybe it'll be fine, but if you already have separate buckets, why risk the cross contamination?"- beestardoll
"NTA."
"I'm sorta holding my phone at a distance while I type this, as if I can get myself further from a mop bowl being used to defrost meat."
"Cause you got yourself a mop bowl now."
"It used to be a bowl for defrosting meat."- Alzaetia
"NTA."
"Why on earth would you mix cleaning and kitchen supplies."
"There isn't some bucket shortage going around."
"Just use a separate bucket for cleaning."- Muppet_Fitzgerald
"You're gonna get different answers here, but for me NTA, cleaning supplies do not cross over to food supplies, he should've used the mop bucket."
"If you dropped your toothbrush in the toilet, would you rinse it off and still use it?"
"Ir is that "too far"?"
"I don't quite understand, someone said they have a bowl that's literally been in mud&sh*t outside and they use it for food, since it's 'fine' now because they've cleaned it but does that not put you off?"- _keystitches
"NTA."
"Everyone having different cleanliness standards is the reason I don't eat or participate at the potluck."- Guilty_Feedback_7266
"NTA."
"These people saying you can just wash it, can go eat their dinner out of a mop bucket."-MauiValleyGirl
"Yeah....that's gross."
"NTA."- monkey_trumpets
"NTA."
"If that was my bowl, it will be forever used for washing rags."- kay_dee_ss
"NTA."
"Even if it can be cleaned well, I tend to keep cleaning items and cooking items separate."
"Especially if it's plastic."- Guilty-Company-9755
"It's a plastic bowl, sturdy."
"NTA."
"I wouldn't use my plastic cleaning buckets for food, not to mention to defrost meat for who knows how much time."
"One time I bought homemade bread from someone, and it tasted like soap."
"Turned out she had used a washing basin to prepare the dough."- BeautifulIncrease734
"NTA."
"I once watched my dad use a soup ladle to fix the sewer/septic line plumbing, literally scoop poopy toilet paper and hair stuck in the pipe, then use said ladle at dinner the next day because it's metal and he thought it would be fine after washing it."
"I could not look at that ladle the same way afterwards, refuse to eat anything that has touched it, and am still traumatized about it to this day."- 1percentsamoyedmama
"NTA."
"OP clarified in comments that bowl is plastic and was washed with just soap/water."
"You cannot fully sterilize plastic."
"I do not want chemicals in my meat nor do I want raw meat germs in my mop pads cleaning the floor."- notretiredanymore
"NTA."
"This is whack, lol."
"He couldn't find a bucket?"
"I'm not using the bowl I season meat in to soak towels or the mop heads."
"Smh!"- dbtl87
"NTA."
"Even if it's perfectly hygienic after cleaning, it still feels wrong and gross."- Kimikohiei
"NTA."
"I'm with you on this."
"It would upset me too."
"I can't handle seeing someone use an eating utensil for anything other than food."
"For instance, my sister came over last summer and saw I had a bag of grass seed (the kind coated with chemicals to make them grow faster or something), and took out my big plastic tea pitcher to put the seed in and scatter in the back yard."
"She thought she was being helpful, but when I looked out and saw what she was doing, I knew that was the end of my tea pitcher."
"I wrote in magic marker on it 'Garden Use Only' and put it out in the shed in case I ever wanted a big tea pitcher to use for gardening."- Jazz2026
"Why is he using a bowl for mop pads instead of a bucket...and."
"Why are you defrosting meat in a bowl instead of just leaving it in the fridge overnight."
"NTA though."
"Even if washing I wouldn't put food anywhere near a bucket used for cleaning mops."- xicor
"NTA."
"I agree with you, it just feels wrong."- DryUnderstanding1752
"So putting on the chemist hat here."
"It depends on the material that the bowl is made of and what chemicals in the robot mop."
"If it is a plastic bowl than NTA."
"There is a risk of chemicals leaching into the bowl and back out again as it is used and it could be permanently unsafe."
"If it is a glass bowl, it just comes down to personal preference."- Tiamont42
The OP later returned, taking the time to thank those who took the time to comment, and admitting that she possibly overreacted:
"Thank you all for putting things into perspective. I decided this isn't even worthy of a fight after discovering how many people have a multipurpose 'vomit bowl'."
"Ew."
It's easy to understand that the OP would have a gut reaction after seeing how her husband used a bowl that she had been using for food.
However, there is also a reason soap was invented, and getting the bowl clean wasn't going to be as difficult as she was making it out to be.
Even many, no doubt, sympathize with her being less than eager to use that bowl to defrost meat again.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp