Spouses don’t always see eye to eye on everything.
Be it in their personalities, standards of cleanliness, taste in food and culture, there are bound to be certain things on which a married couple disagree.
In most cases, however, couples can happily coexist in spite of these differences.
That sadly wasn’t the case for one particular Redditor, who found herself surprised when her husband criticized her appearance on a recent outing, even refusing to be seen with her looking the way she did.
Wondering if she was in the wrong to call her husband out for his behavior and choice of words, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA? I wore the wrong color lipstick.”
The OP revealed that the unfortunate situation began under fairly happy circumstances.
“This happened a few weeks back.”
“I (34 F[emale]) and my husband (35 M[ale]) were getting ready for one of our rare nights out.”
“We don’t go out often as we both have opposite schedules and mainly home bodies.”
But the jovial mood quickly changed when the OP’s husband noticed her choice of make-up.
“I decided to be adventurous and wear a purple color lipstick.”
“I really liked the way it looked, and asked him eagerly how he liked it.”
“He responded that he didn’t like it… “
“And it made me look like I was part of the LGBTQ community.”
“He made other comments, and my response was that it was a good thing he wasn’t the one wearing the lipstick then.”
In-spite of her husband’s feelings, the OP did not remove her purple lipstick, which her husband had trouble tolerating.
“He then got upset that I would still wear it.”
“His reasoning was that as his wife, I should want him to like what I look like.”
“I told him his view was very misogynistic and I was still going to wear the lipstick color.”
“He was very huffy about it but I stood my ground.”
“So AITA or is he?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was definitely not the a**hole, and that her husband definitely was.
Fellow Redditors called out the OP’s husband on his behavior, finding it misogynistic and homophobic, with some even encouraging the OP to re-evaluate how healthy her marriage is.
“NTA- purple is gay?”
“My fellow homosexuals never told me this at our annual LGBT agenda meetings.”-witchlys.
“Purple is a great color lipstick, ditch his misogynistic and homophobic a**.”- plasticutlery.
“Sounds like that was a whole bunch of homophobic and misogynistic nonsense all at once.”
“He just showed true colors there.”
“You can absolutely wear whatever lipstick you want.”
“It’s your prerogative if you want to match his presences, and it is certainly a nice thing to do every once in a while but a one night excursion into fun lipstick colors should not be such an issue.”
“Definitely some red flags here.”
“What’s so wrong with looking like a member of the LGBT community?”- d4nkgr1l.
“He’s the AH and he’s discriminating against a community of people over the color purple?!”
“Btw: Mac’s Heroine is the most gorgeous shade of purple LGBTQ friendly.”
“And he’s misogynistic?! “
“You picked a winner, didn’t ya?”-TisThee_Reason.
“Okay, wasn’t expecting the casual homophobia.”
“NTA…is this for real the type of person you married?”
“Purple sounds like a fun color for a lipstick and he needs to pull his head out of his a**.”
“NTA, he is definitely though.”
“You wore lipstick.”
“He was being homophonic about it.”
“What the f*ck?”-cyaveronica.
“Your husband is a homophobe.”-Alailea.
“NTA – and his comment makes him sound homophobic.”-rpepperpot_reddit.
“NTA I was OK with him saying he didn’t like it, you don’t have to like everything your SO likes.”
“The problem is the rest of what he said.”
“He is a very narrow mind person and that’s something to be aware of going forward.”
“Continue to be adventurous.”- poncanach.
Several were particularly offended by the fact that the husband seemed to think looking like a member of the LGBTQ community was a bad thing, while others were curious how purple lipstick seemed to automatically make someone LGBT.
“And what’s wrong with looking like one of the LGBTQ community anyway?”-Imaginary-Hornet-397.
“What does a LGBTQ person look like?”
“Purple can signify royalty.”
“If anything, he should say you look like you’re part of the monarchy.”
“And as his queen tell him to shut up.”
“NTA – A color of lipstick does NOT indicate an LGBT, and your husband (and anyone who thinks that) are the ones being judgmental AHs.”
“Anyone can wear ANY color of lipstick.”
“Keep on rocking the purple!”
“I am LGBT and would NEVER tell someone they aren’t allowed to wear a certain color if they aren’t LGBT.”
“This gatekeeping a color is ridiculous.”-EvocativeEnigma.
“NTA I’m LGBTQI and didn’t know this …”
“I’m sure we settled in silver/electric blue during that meeting.”
“Seriously though why do people feel the need to make certain things this or that it’s a f*cking color.”
“I remember someone asked my why I dye my hair “crazy” colors like pink, green, purple or blue when I cover my hair outside my home (religious reasons).”
“And I was like … because I like my hair a crazy color ..?”
“I mean I’m the one who has to put up with it 24/7.”
“It’s my hair my decision.”-okapi-forest-unicorn.
“I was not aware that a color of lipstick could make you look LGBTQ so that’s new.”
“But honestly, you should wear lipstick you like and that makes you feel good.”-GraveDancer40.
“NTA as an active member in the Rainbow Mafia community I didn’t know purple was the next gay color.”
“I thought we were still on reds and nudes.”-BlaqueDaliah.
“I didn’t know purple lipstick was a lesbian thing.”
“God I suck at being gay.”
“Obviously NTA.”- grouchymonk1517.
“Purple is such a good color, but on its own, I have never seen it be a representative of the LGBTQIA+ community?”
“Did I miss that meeting?”
“Kinda weird that was the first thing that came to his mind though, maybe he just didn’t like that color.”- Ambermusaisanidiot.
Others encouraged the OP not to let her husband take control of how she chooses to dress or what make up she chooses to wear.
“Purple is a pretty common color nowadays too, and last I knew lipstick colors weren’t tied to any particular sexuality or gender identity.”
“Wear whatever you want, you don’t exist solely to look good for your spouse.”-CephalopodSpy.
“NTA….I’d be wearing purple lipstick every darn day if my partner said that to me.”
“There would be purple lips painted on the mirror and walls.”
“My kids would be wearing purple lipstick.”
“The car would get purple lips.”
“I would wall paper the house with purple lipstick smacks.”
“He’s your husband…that does not take away your autonomy.”
“You’re in charge of your body.”- ManderBlues.
“You get to wear what you want.”
“He doesn’t get a say.”- Luck1492.
“NTA, keep the lipstick, remove the husband.”-photosbeersandteach.
“No, it doesn’t.”
“Would that be bad?”
“Would he love you less or be ashamed if you were bi?”
“He is not the boss of you.”
“You are an independent person, you don’t exist solely to serve his boner.”
“You’re allowed to draw human joy from having fun lips, geez!”
“I skydived in bright purple M.A.C lipstick. (Didn’t smear, 100% recommend.)”
“Tell your husband that unless he’s wearing it, he has no opinion.”- CharacterSuccotash5
“Good for you holding your ground OP.”
“His comments were uncalled for.”
“Do you get to say how he does his hair, what he wears, etc??”
“You are not his property, wear whatever lipstick you want.”
“I wear make up to feel good about myself and if I think I look good then it’s doing it’s job and I feel confident and happy. “
“You asked his opinion and you got it, you decided you liked it despite his negative response.”
“You don’t wear lipstick to please your husband.”
“NTA at all.”-noyeahthanks.
“NTA, and given the ‘as his wife, I should want him to like what I look like’ comment, tell him where he can shove a tube of lipstick.”
“If he keeps complaining, make sure you don’t do anything that could get that lipstick on any part of him.”-Sharkmato.
“Wear what makes you feel good.”
“I have a dark purple lipstick that many people don’t like.”
“It makes me feel good.”
“Screw the haters.”-formerflautist57.
“Besides the ridiculous comparison your husband made, I’m extremely concerned for you based on how your husband talks to you.”
“NTA is he usually like this?”-readily_ready.
The possessive behavior of the OP’s husband is rather concerning, particularly his hesitancy to be seen with someone who might be from the LGBTQ+ community.
Here’s hoping the OP doesn’t lose her spine, and won’t let her husband define or determine her outward appearance.