Not everyone is lucky enough to form good relationships with their in-laws.
While some are able to at least remain civil around one another, in-spite of their differences, others have a harder time sharing a room for even the smallest amount of time.
What makes these situations particularly sad is that most of the time, no amount of effort can fix the animosity.
Redditor inlawterror felt that their family upbringing meant that their in-laws were never going to welcome them into their side of the family.
Which made the original poster (OP)’s need to stay at their in-law’s house with their partner for an extended amount of time all the more challenging.
If things weren’t already tense enough, the OP’s decision to give their in-laws a new piece of furniture only exacerbated their already fraught relationship.
Wondering if they had really done anything wrong, they OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for surprising my in-laws with a new bed?”
The OP first explained how they were less than thrilled. stay with their in-laws while their home was under renovation, believing their in-laws had made unfair, preconceived notions about them.
“My partner and I are living with my in-laws for the next month or so.”
“There has been contention between his family and mine previously because my husband and I were raised in different social classes.”
“They have never outright said anything, but it’s clear that they think my parents and I are stuck up.”
“It’s unfortunate but I married my partner, not his parents/siblings.”
“My family has welcomed my husband with open arms and see him as a second son.”
“I had wanted to get a hotel for us to stay in during our home renovations but his family basically insisted we stay with them, and I didn’t want to put them off anymore than they already were.”
Not helping the situation was the uncomfortable bed the OP and their partner shared, a problem which the OP attempted to fix, but instead found themselves upsetting their in-laws even more.
“We’ve been here two weeks and right now the main issue is the bed.”
“It is the creakiest bed known to man.”
“The walls are thin.”
“The bedrooms are close together.”
“His parents could hear it if one of us so much as turns over in bed, so intimacy is all but out of the question.”
“The one time we gave it a try led to a giggle fest between my husband and I from just how loud it was – we gave up about two minutes into the whole ordeal – but two weeks without sex has made the situation a lot less amusing.”
“Without being vulgar, there is only so much mutual -jobs can do.”
“I miss the connection aspect of it just as much as the act itself.”
“My attempt to solve this problem was to buy my in-laws a new bed for their guest room.”
“It solved our problem, it gave them a new piece of furniture that wouldn’t ruin their guests sex lives, and it fit the room better anyway.”
“I went ahead and ordered it as a surprise gift.”
“Also, and more honestly, I didn’t want to give them the opportunity to say no.’
“When it was delivered today, my in-laws reacted angrily.”
“They said they didn’t need a new bed and it was ‘just like me’ to pull something like this without asking them.”
“Usually I would consider myself a very polite person, but I’m irritable and I miss sleeping with my husband.”
“So I said they either let me put in the new bed or we go to a hotel.”
“I haven’t yet received an answer.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP did not receive much sympathy from the Reddit community, who all but unanimously felt they were, indeed, the a**hole for ordering a new bed without consulting their in-laws first.
Everyone agreed that the OP should have at least spoken with their in-laws before ordering such a sizable piece of furniture, with many feeling this justified the OP’s in-law’s notion of their being pretentious or stuck up.
“I was on your side until the end.”
“Because it never could have occurred to me that anyone would ever consider buying a major piece of furniture without the owners’ knowledge and permission.”
“They don’t think you’re stuck up.”
“They know it.”- Veissella
“You don’t order new furniture for someone else’s house without their knowledge.”
“You should have gone to a hotel for a quickie or some afternoon delight.”- Ducky818
“You knew full well this wasn’t a ‘surprise gift’, it was you making sure they didn’t have the opportunity to say no to you.”
“You are being rude, ungrateful, and as they’ve noted, stuck up.”
“And also very unimaginative about sex positions.”- Temporary_Badger
“You don’t just order major furniture because you don’t like what’s offered.”
“That’s rude.”- Sarcastic_Troll
“This is why they think you are stuck up, because you are.”
“Stuck up and entitled.”
“You don’t buy someone else furniture without permission.”
“I also don’t think people should consider their guests sex lives when buying beds.”
“If you can’t go without for 4 weeks then get a hotel.”
“You are guest in THEIR home try showing some respect.”- Consistent_Region322
“Beds are expensive.”
“Your in-laws don’t like that you flaunt your wealth….so you decide to flaunt your wealth.”
“Also, beds are a personal decision.”
“Even if it’s just the guest room, people would rather have beds that they’d be willing to use.”
“Also, that match the style of the room.”
“Your husband could have just said, ‘Every time we shift on the bed, it squeaks’.”
“‘I’m not sure if you’ve noticed because you guys don’t sleep in there’.”
“‘Can we buy you a new bed to thank you for letting us stay?'”
“‘I’m sure future guests would like it’.”
“And then respect if they say no.”- Usrname52
“You know they already feel like you show off your wealth, and your solution is to buy them an expensive gift so you can have sex in their house.”- 0biterdicta
“They’re right, you were throwing your money around.”
“You don’t buy someone else furniture.”
“You definitely don’t do it as a surprise.”
“If you had to do this your husband should have suggested that you buy it for them as a thank you for letting you stay.”
“Or you guys could just get a hotel room.”- HardRainisFalling
“What is wrong with you?”
“You already knew how they felt about the ‘class’ difference.”
“Then you don’t even ask their permission because you knew they’d say no.”
“This wasn’t some altruistic move on your part, you did it so you can get laid in your in-laws house.”
“I cannot fathom someone, a guest no less, ordering furniture for my home without my permission.”
“Anything else you don’t like?”
“Is the color of the couch okay with you or no?”
“You are off the chain.”-Thart85
“It wasn’t some nice gesture.”
“You said yourself, you didn’t tell them so they wouldn’t be able to say no.”
“It’s no wonder they think you’re snobby.”
“And for shits sake, stop acting like your lack of sex is an excuse for you being rude, insulting and inconsiderate.”
“Does it suck, yes.”
“But you’re an adult.”
“Conduct yourself as one.”
“That’s it.”- PlentyHopeful263
“You just bought a new piece of furniture without consulting the homeowners for input because you were horny?!”
“Ya’ll couldn’t run off to a hotel or something?”
“This is one of the funniest AITA posts I’ve read in a while lol”- TropicalTikiMermaid
“You didn’t buy them a bed, you bought you a bed for your convenience.”
“You sound spoiled and essentially told them their furniture was not good enough for you.”- keesouth
“You didn’t get the bed for them you got it for you and basically called them cheap by doing so.”
“If it was for them you would have been open to a no and wouldn’t have made a scene when they called you out on it.”
“Also, putting them on the spot with take the bed or we walk is kinda gross and inappropriate, just leave.”
“They seem to think they were doing you a favor but in reality you’re all just making each other miserable and resentful.”- QueenYeen
Buying furniture for someone else’s home is always going to be a risky idea for a gift.
Making this scenario all the more awkward, though, was that the OP clearly did this for themself, and not out of generosity for their in-laws.
As they also seemed to be aware there was a sizable possibility they would have said no had they been asked.
One hopes the comfort the new bed provides will make up for all the newly added tension in their relationship.
Or that the OP found a hotel to their liking.