Anyone who dreams of one day becoming a parent likely has names for their future children in their back pocket for most of their life.
As a result, it often comes as a rude awakening when their spouse or partner doesn’t like these names, and has some ideas of their own.
Making things even more frustrating is when friends and family members suggest what you should name your child.
Some even make it clear that it is an expectation, not a suggestion.
Redditor Adventurous-Video636 and her husband were over the moon to learn they were expecting twins when for years it seemed like it might never happen.
Sadly, when these twins were finally born, their grandparents’ joy was short-lived, after learning their names.
As they had firm expectations of what their grandchildren should be named, and made their displeasure known to the original poster (OP) in no uncertain terms, leading the OP to immediately clap back.
Worried she might have been disrespectful, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my ILs that they should appreciate having grandkids instead of acting insulted that they aren’t named after them?”
The OP explained why she and her husband’s choice of names for her twins put her at odds with her in-laws.
“My husband and I welcomed twins into the world a couple of weeks ago.”
“It has been a crazy whirlwind experience for us.”
“I am a childhood cancer survivor who was told I was infertile due to the treatment I received.”
“My husband and I spent many years trying for a baby anyway with no success.”
“We also started to save money for IVF to see if there was any hope for us to conceive.”
“We had gotten close to our goal when I learned I was pregnant.”
“My doctors were surprised because they knew I had tried and knew the treatment I went through means it’s so rare to get pregnant at all, let alone naturally.”
“To learn it was twins was an even bigger surprise.”
“Someone we know suggested that not actively trying and focusing on other things might have allowed my body to let it happen.”
“I’m not sure.”
“But we were grateful for the chance to be parents to these babies.”
“Even with a complicated pregnancy, I felt like I had won the lottery and the fact I was able to deliver two healthy babies is incredible to me given everything.”
“The problem is my ILs.”
“My husband is an only child because MIL suffered a placental abruption when she was 34 weeks pregnant and it required an emergency c-section and my husband being born early.”
“Their side is big on honor names, so he has four names, all after his four grandparents (exact names of his grandfathers and male variants of his grandmother’s names).”
“My ILs were expecting us to do the same and thought it would be even easier for us since we had twins, and we had a boy and a girl.”
“But we wanted to give our kids their own names.”
“We wanted them to have names we love and chose for them.”
“So we named them Caelan (our boy who also has a nod to the Irish side of my family) and Summer (a nod to my husband and myself and our anniversaries, both of first meeting and marrying).”
“We waited until the babies were born to announce the names, and my husband received many calls from his parents afterward, saying that they were hurt we chose not to honor them and how could we give the only children we will ever have random names instead of loving family names.”
“It has been pretty consistent.”
“My husband went out to buy groceries for us the other day, and I was home alone with the babies when my ILs called me to bring the topic up to me for the first time.”
“They asked how I could name our miracle babies anything but the names of their four loving grandparents and did I not care about the fact these would be their only grandchildren ever.”
“I told them they should appreciate having grandkids, given the circumstances, instead of acting insulted that we didn’t name them after them.”
“I told them these babies were a huge surprise, but we loved and wanted, and they should enjoy them now that we have them.”
“They told me I couldn’t just dismiss their feelings like that and hung up.”
“They told my husband I insulted them.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously. agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not naming her children after her in-laws and clapping back at them.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s in-laws were being incredibly unreasonable, even selfish, for expecting their grandchildren to be named after them. Everyone concurred the OP was right in pointing out that they should only be celebrating their birth, particularly as it seemed like it might never happen.
“NTA.”
“They really need to get over themselves.”
“The title sums it up beautifully.”- diminishingpatience
“NTA.”
“Just because your in-law’s named your husband Joe Josephine George Georgina Bucket doesn’t mean you two have any obligation to do similar with your own two bubs.”
“Congratulations on your twins, and well done picking such lovely names.”- perfidious_snatch
“NTA.”
“Even your husband didn’t want to name them after grandparents.”
“They seem very selfish as the only thing they care about is ‘legacy’ and ‘tradition’- instead of being happy for this miracle that happens for the whole family.”- Creative_Fish_9447
“NTA, obviously, and congratulations!”
“Let them talk. They’re just moving air.”
“Enjoy those precious but quick moments (I have my two months old sleeping on me atm), and let hubby handles his parents.”
“Moreover, who would want to name their babies after people that entitled and selfish enough to annoy you two weeks into postpartum?”- Timely_Proposal_1821
“NTA.”
“You are totally correct in that they should be happy both babies are healthy and loved.”
“The names are lovely, btw.”- iambrionny
“NTA.”
“Congrats on the babies!”
“Explain to the ILs that they can choose to either keep complaining about it or be involved in their grandchildren‘s lives, but can’t have it both ways.”- RiverSong_777
“NTA.”
“No one has the right to tell you what to name your children.”
“But because of family tradition, they have had these expectations in their minds.”
“First, your husband is the one who needs to handle his parents.”
“Second, it needs to be explained to them that you named your children for the reasons in your post.”
“It was not a statement against them.”
“And congratulations to you both!”- ilp456
“NTA.”
“Congratulations!”
“Beautiful names!”
“They will now sabotage your relationship with your husband by telling lies, showing their real face.”
“I hope your husband will be at your side and not be manipulated by them.”
“Horrible family.”- SavyLynx
“Oh my god.”
“Names have no bearing on love and connection. You do you!”
“My youngest (8) is currently having a conniption his name is Danny and kids call him ‘Daddy’.”
“Dreading when he realizes his Belgian surname rhymes with (Jerksoff).”- Haunting-Juice983
“NTA.”
“Congratulations on your babies.”
“I am stunned that the ILs can’t just be happy.”- Delicious_Wish8712
“NTA.”
“Parents choose names for their infants.”
“No one else.”- mrslII
“NTA.”
“And you need to have a serious talk with your husband about how he needs to shut this down since it’s his parents.”
“You also need to be careful that these people don’t start calling your kids by the wrong name as they get older.”
“I’ve read stories on here about that happening, and the best thing for everyone at that point was no contact.”- thetorts
“NTA.”
“And you are exactly right.”
“I don’t mean to sound morbid, but I have relatives in my extended family who have lost children or suffered late pregnancy loss.”
“It infuriates me when people like your ILs want to start stupid fights and introduce unnecessary strife into what SHOULD be a joyful time for the family.”
“Imagine having such a ridiculous ego that you can only see the negatives in having healthy newborn grandbabies!”
“Anyway, you and your husband seem to be handling this well, but I think you’ve got to stop entertaining the discussion.”
“Your babies’ names require the approval of you and your husband only, not a committee vote.”
“I think it’s time to start hanging up the phone or ending visits as soon as they start in on the name issue.”
“‘Mom, Dad, we’ve made it clear our decision is final, and we’re not discussing this further.'”
“‘If you can’t move on to a different topic, I’m going to have to end this call/visit.'”
“‘I know that’s kind of ruthless way to speak to your own parents/ILs, but I think entertaining the discussion just makes them think they have a right to try to “negotiate” the babies’ names with you.'”
“Cut it off. Make it clear the topic is closed and not up for discussion.”
“Hopefully, once they realize they are getting nowhere, they will get over it.”- crockofpot
It’s a lovely, touching gesture to name your child after a family member or a close friend.
This should never be expected, though, and only the parents should have the final say as to what their children are named.
Hopefully, the OP’s in-laws will come to realize this and will not be so stubborn as to let their dissatisfaction with their names get in the way of loving their grandchildren.