There’s something to be said for learning a little about your crush before you go on a date. Not saying you should internet stalk them, but maybe finding out how their views mesh with yours would be prudent.
When Reddit user Ankit1000 asked out his gym crush, he thought it was the best moment of his life. But after the date goes wrong, the original poster (OP) tries to ditch the situation.
However, he isn’t sure if he was wrong for how he went about it. OP decides to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to judge him.
The situation wasn’t the best for OP.
“AITA for ditching my date at the restaurant?”
But why would he just ghost his date?
“Before anyone thinks this is fake, let me assure you i wish this was. I am in shock.”
“I (26M) just recently went on a date with a (25-28?F) girl last Tuesday.”
“We met at the gym. I’ve had a crush on her for a while and finally struck up a convo and asked her out. I booked us at a nice Korean restaurant that has Korean bbq stations.”
“So we sit at the bar and have a pleasant chat for a few minutes and then they tell us our table is ready. Then we go to our table and its got a huge grill with a fire on it and she instantly asks what this is. (How does anyone not know what Korean bbq is?)”
“But I brushed it off and explained to her and she was like ‘but why do we have to do all the work? Lol (yes she said lol unironically) isn’t that their job?’”
“I explained to her thats whats fun about it but we could always order off of the a la carte menu if she didn’t want bbq. But she said ‘just make them do it for us’ and insisted on calling the waitress over and asking her to put the meat on the grill and demanded to be served after it was ready.”
“This elderly Korean lady had to shuffle between busy tables and come and flip the meat and serve our plates.”
“But wait. It gets worse.”
“So at this point I’m super embarrassed and seeing red flags like crazy (Im indian so I’m kinda used to the whole servant master attitude thing cause its big in india, but I’m not a fan of it, and I thought it was super weird here in the states) But I wanted to see the date to the end ( and yes shamelessly enough I was hoping for some ‘adult’ time.)”
“At the end of the meal, she asks for dessert. I agree and ask to see the menu. The waitress comes over and gives the menu and hands it to her.”
“She then waits for her to leave and says ‘My god this place is a nightmare, all these useless immigrants (shes white) come into the country and don’t even work and eat up our tax dollars. Are they even legal?’ And she said it loudly enough that a nearby table of brown people in their 20s started giving her dirty looks and whispering to each other.”
“She notices this and goes ‘same goes for these (insert racist word for people of Pakistan)’ . At this point my jaw dropped.”
“I’m INDIAN and she used this in front of me. She saw my expression and went ‘oh no I don’t mean Latinos they’re fine. I LOVE Mexican food.’”
“So it seems that she thinks I was Latino (my birth country never really came up as I speak with an American accent) and she uses a racist word against my own countrymen in front of me.”
“So we get dessert, I get up to use the bathroom, pay off the bill with a good tip and walk out the door. I left her there (I drove us) and went back and blocked her number.”
“Now im even thinking of switching gyms but I’m just gonna go in the morning, I don’t know what I will say if I ever meet her again.”
“AITA for ditching my date without transport at the restaurant?”
OP wants to know if he was wrong to just ghost a racist after a bad date, but is there more at play here?
The AITA commenters judge OP by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
There was some back and forth, but the commenters came down on the side of OP not being TA.
It’s easy to reach that judgement when the date was so racist.
“NTA because YIKES. Run for the hills and when you get there, don’t stop running. If she asks why you ditched her, tell her you simply don’t date racists.” – Illustrious_Newt_313
“Oh hell no. I hope the long walk back gave her some time to reflect on why the fuck she’s so racist, but there’s no reason way she has the self perception required for that. NTA.” – radstarr
“You did good. You did more than good. You paid and left. I would have left her stranded with 50% of the bill. NTA.”
“Ghost her so good she can’t be able to reach you with a Ouija board.” – Admirable_One99989
Other commenters were less lenient on OP. While they felt the date wasn’t good by any means, OP stuck around for personal gratification, and judged the girl for not knowing how Korean restaurants work.
Not the best look.
“Mild ESH for me. You come off as pretty condenscending, its not like everyone goes go Korean restaurants and knows the customs.”
“She treated the stuff horribly (and at this point you were still willing to bang her… have some standards man) and is obviously racist.” – Hermiona1
“ESH. She’s flagrantly racist but you are willing to tolerate disrespect and entitlement for the possibility of ‘adult time.’”
“I wonder how much more you would have tolerated if she didn’t attack your people. Selective allyship for personal gains makes you an asshole too.” – CuriouslyGruntled
“Thank you! I’m glad someone else reacted to this too.. ‘yeah, she’s entitled and rude to waitstaff, but she might put out if I ignore it’” – silya1816
“ESH”
“She’s racist, you’re insufferable.” – QueenAlucia
If you realize someone is making racist comments, it might be better to speak up or get out sooner. We’d recommend something lighter for a first date, like coffee or a walk in the park to make it easier to back out.