Everybody puts their foot in their mouth at one time or another.
People make comments with a certain meaning, but the meaning can get misconstrued.
Especially if you’re a person who maybe a little awkward in a social setting.
So then what?
Does everybody move on or are apologies in order?
Case in point…
Redditor dougig29 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for banishing my teenage daughter’s friend from our house because she made fun of my weight?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (37 F[emale]) have two kids with my husband (41 M[ale]); a 14-year-old daughter and a 10 year-old son.”
“Our daughter has always been a little socially awkward to the point that we’ve had her tested since we suspected her of being on the spectrum.”
“Turns out she isn’t on the spectrum; she’s just a natural introvert.”
“However, this year in school we were thrilled when our daughter made a new friend her age since that is an area in which she struggles.”
“Long story short she recently invited her new friend over (with our approval) to have dinner at our house and then spend the night.”
“So, my daughter’s friend came over.”
“My husband is usually the cook in the family and this night was no exception; he made us all a really nice meal.”
“During the course of said meal I asked my daughter’s friend; ‘Are you enjoying the food?'”
“She responded ‘Yes! [Your husband] is a great cook! No wonder you’ve ended up a bigger woman.'”
“The room got quiet for several moments.”
“My husband tried to laugh it off and change the subject but I wasn’t having it.”
“The girl had just leveled a completely uncalled-for insult at me.”
“My daughter’s friend seemed to realize that she’d messed up but she didn’t say anything else.”
“We finished an awkward dinner in mostly silence and my daughter’s friend did stay the night.”
“This was a couple of months ago.”
“Recently my daughter asked if she could have her friend back over and I told her ‘Sure; if she’s going to apologize to me.'”
“When our daughter asked what I meant I reminded her of what she’d said.”
“My daughter responded that it was over and she didn’t want to bring it up again.”
“She then went to her father and asked.”
“He said ‘sure’ but she then told him what I’d said.”
“He came to me and said: ‘[Daughter’s friend] just felt awkward and tried to make a joke.'”
“‘It didn’t land. For the sake of our daughter can’t you just let it go?'”
“Yes, I could, but the thing is that I just want an apology from the girl.”
“I need to see that she understands how rude she was before I can get on board with her and my daughter hanging out.”
“My husband says that I am being weird for insisting on an apology from a 14 year-old, especially since that girl is such a good friend of our daughter.”
“I think it’s weird that I’m still waiting for an apology from that same girl.”
“Seriously. That’s all I need.”
“I just need to know that any friend of my daughter is willing to own up to her screw ups.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. Did it ever occur to you that the reason this girl and your daughter ‘clicked’ as friends is that they’re both socially awkward?”
“She’s a 14 year old kid.”
“Even with the best social skills, they often put their foot in their mouths. Let it go.”
“Don’t ruin your daughter’s friendship because your ego was hurt by one off hand comment.”
“ETA: Thanks for all the awards, kind Redditors!”
“I am also thrilled that so many of you like my username. And LMAO at whoever reported me to the Reddit Cares thing because of this comment.”
“Have a great night/day, y’all!” ~ -QueefLatina-
“This. YTA if you don’t show this other awkward kid the same parental grace and gentle guidance you probably hope others will show toward your kid.” ~ Head_Supermarket2955
“Agreed wholeheartedly.”
“You should have acted like an adult and gently redirected.”
“Have the kid back – if something happens again and it has a malicious tone then yeah, go all Gandalf on her.”
“You’re just hurting your daughter by continuing to hold a grudge from a teenager. YTA.” ~ Upset-Jellyfish1
“Not even a ‘matured teenager’ so to speak, she’s bloody 14 and if she is the same as ops daughter she was probably nervous as hell in a new house with new people having a lovely sit down dinner.”
“That can be intimidating as hell for anyone at any age.”
“I remember when I was around 11/12 I turned to my old man after he told me off for something and said ‘Hey shut up you’re not my real dad!'”
“I had watched friends the night before and Chandler had said it so it was stuck in my head.”
“When I saw my old mans face I was crushed.”
“18 years later and I still think about that moment and it’s probably gonna be no different for ops daughters friend.”
“Kids do and say stupid shit op, let it go. YTA.” ~ LazinessPersonified
“This could also be a cultural difference.”
“In some cultures being larger is seen as a marker of social status, desirability, and good health.”
“‘Lucky you, your husband is such a good cook and you have regular access to nice food and so you are plump!'”
“What is OP teaching girls about body image if she takes ‘bigger woman’ as such a terrible insult?”
“I read this expecting to hear she argued with her and called her a derogatory name or something. YTA, OP.” ~ persicacity22
“YTA. This adult needs a child to apologize.”
“The child is expected to have more emotional regulation than does OP.”
“Also, maybe OP is socially awkward.”
“Kids can emulate their parents.” ~ 102030pancakes
“I’ll also say that not getting an autism diagnosis when a girl is actually autistic is quite common.”
“The system is taking a while to catch up to the reality.”
“You’re daughter has a friend, don’t ruin it for her. YTA.” ~ ifelife
“Exactly! YTA OP.”
“And instead of an apology look into why this is hurting you to this extent.”
“It could be coming from your own insecurities or perception.”
“I’d say always look at the intention.”
“The girl didn’t mean to insult you.”
“She just got carried away and said something that came to her mind unfiltered and with the understanding of a fourteen year old.”
“Your daughter is finally trying to branch out and has found a like minded friend.”
“Maybe just have an open conversation and tell her that if it happens again she should speak to her friend and talk it out.”
“Forcing an apology is the worst way to deal with this.” ~ Sea_Lab3273
“YTA. You should have asked for an apology at the table.”
“What she said was very rude, and I think she knew it as soon as it came out of her mouth, but she didn’t know what to do to make it right.”
“If you’d said ‘that’s was very rude, and I’d like an apology’ she would have said ‘I’m sorry’ right there, and while awkward, it would have been over.”
“You missed your teaching moment.”
“Holding a grudge for months against a 14-year-old is silly, and you’re punishing your daughter unfairly.”
“Let the kid have a friend.” ~ Major_Bother8416
“That was my thought.”
“Expressing, even the next day (so you don’t say something out of upset) to ask for an apology isn’t an A-Hole but holding onto it for months is ridiculous. She’s 14.”
“Do you not remember being 14?”
“And saying or doing things that were dumb?”
“I can and I cringe at my moments.”
“Also, I think YTA… for judgement sake.” ~ PrestigePeach
“YTA. If 14 is old enough to apologize, 37 is old enough to communicate that at the time.”
“You’ve taken an awkward moment that this girl probably wishes she could forget and made it into some huge issue.”
“Have some grace, let it go, let her think it’s forgotten.”
“And let your daughter have a friend.” ~ CDM2017
“YTA. Move on. You are an adult.”
“It wasn’t even a hateful derogatory statement.”
“If anything, women of all body types are being celebrated in the media lately and at her impressionable age it might have been a well-meant, positive comment.”
“Let your insecurities go.”
“She’s a teenager, not some coworker, and possibly one of your daughter’s only friends.” ~ runrunpuppets
“Are you really going to prevent your daughter from having this one single friend because she called you fat?”
“Is this the hill you wanna die on?”
“I’m also really introverted and can confidently tell you that this will prevent your daughter from having the courage to make other friends because this is how you react to kids trying to make a joke.”
“Their brains are still developing and sometimes they can’t control what just comes out of their mouths.” ~ Status-Ad640
“Of course YTA she didn’t even call you fat, she called you a ‘larger woman.'”
“You feel fat that’s why you felt offended.”
“You seem to be very insecure about your weight but clearly not as much to do something about it.”
“She’s 14, kids at that age are not always politically correct and say things as they see them.” ~ Purplefox71
Well OP, Reddit is not really feeling your reaction.
Maybe a calm chat with her parents maybe helpful.
Hopefully everyone can come to terms with the awkward moment.
And it can become a funny story for later.