in , , ,

Introverted Couple Stirs Drama By Leaving The Unwanted Surprise Wedding Their Families Threw Them

Jetta Productions Inc/Getty Images

When couples decide to get married they often have a dream of what their ideal wedding will be. For some it’s an extravagant event with an extensive guest list and for others a small intimate ceremony is far more meaningful.

The important thing is that it is something the soon to be newly weds decide. How would you feel if your family took over and surprised you with a wedding ceremony that was the opposite of what you told them you were doing?

One couple found themselves in such a situation. Redditor ThrowAway_pluckytoad turned to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for thoughts on an attempted wedding that caused a family rift.

He asked:

AITA For leaving my wedding with my wife?”

The original poster (OP) explained:
Title is confusing so I will try to explain it as better as I can, also English isn’t my first language so sorry if this is hard to understand.”

“I (M29) have been with my gf (F29) for about 6 years. We love each other very much and have a fulfilling relationship we are however a very introverted couple so when we discussed marriage, we were both on the idea that we didn’t want a traditional wedding or a wedding at all.”

”We wanted to go to a courthouse by ourselves (no friends or family) sing the paper and then go to our honeymoon. In our country this is very weird since wedding are expected to be massive, over the top and every member of the family must be invited disregarding your level of closeness with them.”

“We got engaged in relative secret since we were already living together and shared the information with our closest family, when they asked for our plans and we told them they didn’t take it very well and a lot of fight began with both families but especially with my mother and mother-in-law who would not tolerate a marriage that didn’t involve the catholic church.”

“After a few months of fighting and since there’s a pandemic going on we went ahead with our plans and got married by ourselves and went to a month long stay in a secluded cabin. When we returned suddenly all bad blood with our parents and extended family was magically gone and both my mother and mother-in-law where again very friendly as if nothing ever happened.”

”After about 3 days since we came back my mother-in-law invited us to the wedding of one of her friends as proof that all was forgotten she said she would pick us up so that we wouldn’t get lost which was weird, but we didn’t suspect anything.”

“The day of the wedding we arrived at the location and saw that everything is still being put up so we figured we were a bit early and should help but then I saw my family and some of my in-laws, turns out it was OUR wedding and they had planned it to be a surprise they already had a dress, church, food, dj, everything.”

”Of course, we were shocked as we were very vocal that this is not something we wanted then they told us that since we were driven there, we wouldn’t be able to leave and should just be grateful. Here the story becomes too long to fit the 3000 limit so too summarize we called a friend to pick us up and we left.”

“Of course, both families are super angry at us and constantly call us to tell us how ungrateful and disrespectful we are. At first, I thought we were right to leave as we made or reasons for not wanting a wedding and especially a religious ceremony.”

”But we’ve been told they invited over 200 people and felt very humiliated when everyone arrived and we weren’t there so now we are doubting and there’s nothing like asking strangers for judgment. So reddit am I (we) the a**holes?”

The OP asked Redditors to weigh in and rule:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Although they understood the embarrassment of the family Redditors decided it was self inflicted and this couple were judged to be NTA. 

NTA. You were very clear with your families. You did not embarrass them; they embarrassed themselves. And if anyone asks about this, make sure you explain exactly how the situation occurred.”

“I would suggest you go low/no contact with both families for a little bit, and when you do decide to communicate again, you make it very clear in no uncertain terms that if they continue to disregard your wishes regarding your relationship, you will go no/low contact with them again.”

Continue to do this until they come to the understanding that you and your spouse have the final word in everything concerning your relationship. And follow through!!”

“I understand that this may not be the norm in your country, but for your own well-being and that of your spouse, you need to set very firm boundaries for yourselves, or your families will continue to stomp all over you.”~mtngrl60

NTA- they literally abducted you with the intention of forcing you to participate in a ceremony you have already stated you did not want to be part of.”

“They abducted you and your wife, to force you to participate in a wedding ceremony they planned against your will, and now they are angry because you found a way to leave.”

“Literally. Abducted. You. You aren’t the a**hole here. Your families ARE. You’re already married. It’s done.”

“Their obsessive behaviour is terrifying, and I hope the two of you can find a way to move past this.”

“Congratulations to you and your wife, I’m glad you had the wedding you wanted! And I’m so sorry for what your families are doing to you.”~CatteHerder

“NTA. The humiliation was self inflicted. You told them what you were going to do and did it.”

“If they cannot respect that 2 consenting adults have their own ideas and preferences, that’s their problem.”

“Congratulations on the wedding you both wanted.”~Cultural_Indrusty429

“NTA. They had no right to do that. You told them you didn’t want this and were hoping to embarrass/guilt/ shame/trap you into doing it anyway.”

“They’re upset that you put them in an uncomfortable position but that’s exactly what they’d planned for you. I’m glad you guys stood up to them as a team.”~GoblinOffical

“NTA, they literally kidnapped y’all then tried to trap y’all there intentionally, because deep down they knew it wasn’t right.”

“Good for you two! Set your boundaries!”

“The embarrassment is on them 💯 Congratulations on the wedding you both wanted!” ~ Slee0611

“Absolutely NTA, they did that to themselves.”

“You made yourselves clear, they chose to not only ignore your wishes but also dig themselves a hole….” ~ Euphoric_Care_2516

“The moment you said they were picking you up, I immediately knew what was going to happen. My mom pulled a very similar stunt with me.”

“She knew I and wifey were atheists and when we had our wedding, it was a very non-religious ceremony (many years after the paper marriage because I’m an immigrant and needed to get all that sh*t sorted out first).”

“It was also a very American (my wife is White… I’m browny mcbrownerton and Indian).”

“Of course my mom was all happy and what not at our wedding but the next time we visited her, she told us we’re having a small ‘welcoming ceremony’ at home and that we should get dressed up.”

“I put on something nice and show up and bam suddenly there’s a priest chanting in Sanskrit, an open fire inside the house, 40 gazillion banana leaves, wedding vows and drums and relatives.”

“My wife doesn’t even speak the language so she didn’t even know she was being converted to Hinduism and saying vows.”

“It was sort of hilarious in retrospect because of how utterly ridiculous the situation was but your situation seems a lot more ‘dance monkey dance’ than mine was. Definitely NTA.” ~ selfification

“NTA I’m sorry this happened to you, but I am laughing so hard right now.”

“This should serve as a lesson to them on what happens when you completely ignore someone’s wishes and stomp all over boundaries.”

“They deserve whatever humiliation they got. At least they all know that neither you nor your wife will allow them to manipulate you.”

“If anyone is calling you ungrateful, simply tell them that you were both very clear that you did not want a wedding and your family didn’t listen to you or respect your decision and you will not be put into a position to be uncomfortable just so they get what they want.” ~ kikivee612

“Definitely NTA, mothers were totally out of line and I’m glad they were left feeling embarrassed.”

“Maybe it is an important lesson for both of them on respecting other people’s decisions. I wonder what the Catholic god thinks of this ‘Lying to force people into a mock wedding strategy’.” ~ theFAT_WRISTS

“NTA. It speaks volumes that the first friend you called answered and picked you up.”

“If this wedding was really for you and your wife, shouldn’t your friends have already been at the wedding or driving to it?”

“200 people and the friends top on your list to call when you need assistance were not invited?” ~ katamino

“NTA. You are adults and can make your own choices. Your families kidnapped you and attempted to force you to do something neither of you wanted or were comfortable with doing.”

“Your families disregarded your wishes, lied to you, kidnapped you, attempted to force you to do something they knew you did not want.”

“Your families do not respect you, your wants or wishes and only care about what is good for themselves.”

“Where is the love, caring, support, and respect that you deserve from your family?”

“They have turned this into abuse, anger, manipulation, hate and embarrassment.” ~ EqualMagnitude

“NTA. At all. I would be furious with my family and it would take a long time for me to trust any of them at all again.”

“What happens when (if) you have children and you raise them in a way they don’t agree with? Are you they going to kidnap them and force them to be baptized or circumcised?”

“You and your wife need to set boundaries and enforce consequences.” ~ Thisisthe_place

For one Redditor, it all reminded them of a villainous plot from literature or TV.

“NTA. Have you ever seen the episode of ‘a series of unfortunate events’ where count Olaf puts on a pay to legally marry Violet to get access to the children’s fortune?”

“That’s what your families did to you: put on a wedding for unwilling participants.”

“Here are a few things both events have in common:”

“• arranged a wedding for unwilling participants for their personal gain (Olaf gained access to the money, your mothers got to have a Catholic ceremony)”

“• lured guests under false pretences (Olaf said it was a play, I’m assuming your families said that you and your wife were the ones who arranged the ceremony)”

“•attempted to blackmail unwilling participants to stay at location (Olaf imprisons Sunny in a cage and threatens to harm her if the other two don’t go along with it, your family tried forcing you to stay by driving you there and guilt tripping you about the guests)”

“• put on a play (Olaf disguised the wedding as a play, your families put on a performance telling you were going to someone else wedding)”

“• people pulling the strings wrongfully assume they are entitled to something that they aren’t (Olaf it was the kids fortune, your familiar it was a religious traditional wedding)”

“• the wants and needs of the people involved were actively ignored (you told your families that you didn’t want a wedding &they completely ignored that. Olaf ignored the kids needs)”

“• both involve over controling and manipulative people”

“Seriously, you either need to set up some firm boundaries with your parents, reduce contact with them or run.”

“That is not a good relationship.” ~




Congratulations to OP and their spouse. Hopefully the embarrassment was enough to tame these overly involved parents and in-laws.


Written by Heidi Dockery

Heidi Dockery is a Maine artist & nature enthusiast with an affinity for libraries. She studies Criminal Justice with a special focus on psychology & sociology at the University of Maine. When not studying, painting, or re-reading the works of Terry Pratchett, she volunteers & enjoys various activities most would label nerdy.