When we’re dating someone, there’s generally an unspoken understanding that they have a dating history, just as we have ours.
They might have fond memories of a previous partner, bad memories, or even mementos from the relationship, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, which are all perfectly normal tokens.
Redditor Ornery_Risk1568’s boyfriend clearly did not agree with that concept, as his immediate response to finding out his girlfriend’s car had been gifted to her by an ex, was to sell it.
When she realized he was serious about, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she’d made a mistake by being honest about where the car came from.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to sell my car and embarrassing my boyfriend in front of his dad?”
Unknown to her boyfriend, the OP received her car from an ex-boyfriend as a gift.
“AITA? So before I was with my boyfriend, I was with my ex.”
“He was very wealthy, and despite the relationship not working out, he did give me a lot of gifts throughout it, and he bought me a car for our fourth anniversary, paid off in my name.”
“We broke up right at the beginning of the pandemic. I met my current boyfriend ten months ago, and we’ve been official for three months now.”
“I’m not one to speak about exes and he never asked any questions, so I never told him how I got my car. He did compliment it, but that’s about it.”
The truth came out while the OP was talking to her boyfriend’s dad about the car.
“My boyfriend’s father is a mechanic, and yesterday while I was over at my boyfriend’s apartment, his dad had to drop something off.”
“He commented about my car, saying it was the best in the parking lot, and he liked the color and rims, not yet knowing it’s mine.”
“We laughed about it and his dad was asking me a ton of questions about it, including how much I pay a month.”
“I told him it was paid off and a gift.”
“My boyfriend was surprised and said he assumed I was paying it off and asked by who.”
“I said my ex.”
“He got quiet, and it was really awkward for a bit where no one said anything.”
“His dad broke the ice, saying it’s a great gift since I don’t have to worry about paying it off, and the conversation continued with him wanting to drive it around the parking lot and see inside, which I let him.”
The OP’s boyfriend did not take the truth well.
“When he left, my boyfriend started going off on me, saying he can’t believe I never said anything and that I just embarrassed him in front of his dad.”
“I asked how, and he said he can’t believe me and that I need to sell it since it doesn’t ‘fit my lifestyle anyway.'”
“He also said he thought it was a dumb decision I made, now that it was a romantic gift.”
“I said that it’s not romantic, and that to my ex, it meant nothing, and he got even madder.”
“His dad came back and gave me my keys and left. Then my boyfriend asked me to leave too, even though we had plans to go out. He’s been distant since.”
“Did I really embarrass him?”
“AITA?”
The OP later emphasized her boyfriend’s embarrassment in a comment.
“He’s saying I need to sell it because it’s an embarrassing conversation to have if anyone asks me about it and how much I paid.”
“He said he doesn’t feel comfortable driving it anymore, so it would be an inconvenience when we move in together to only take his car or drive separately.”
“I told him he’s overreacting, and he’s saying I’m being the a**hole, not him, and that if I sell it, I could downgrade to another paid-off car that’s cheaper, and I could have money left over, and I’m dumb and irrational.”
She also cited claims her boyfriend was making about the car in another comment.
“He says I should sell it, buy a car half the price, and invest the rest of the money.”
“When I said no, he said I must have an ’emotional’ attachment to the car and it must be deeper.”
“He’s also embarrassed I told him in front of his dad, even though his dad was the one I was having the conversation with in the first place, and he was the bystander.”
“He’s saying I should have waited and not embarrassed him, and I should apologize.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the boyfriend’s insecurities were showing.
“It’s not a big deal to you, it is a big deal to him, and it’s his responsibility to handle his own deals.”
“He needs to realize that you are here now, and you were with somebody else before, and they gave you a car, and now you have a car, and you have no need to change that.”
“The car isn’t about his interpretations and his emotions and his concerns and his sense of inadequacy. The car is a f**king car, and you have it, and it’s paid off, and it’s a nice car.”
“He needs to let go and realize what isn’t his business. This is none of his business. What is he gonna do next, tell you what clothes to wear?” – mcclgwe
“And if you and your ex had bought a house together, would you have to sell that and move?”
“Your boyfriend is being weird. Hopefully, it was a short-term glitch brought on by feeling insecure he can’t buy you a car (I’m assuming he can’t, because very few people could).” – shhh_its_me
“Wow, what around-about-way to say, ‘I’m an insecure and jealous little brat.’ Now that the boyfriend knows OP can pull a rich guy (because that’s all the ex-boyfriend is to the current guy), his ego is cracking, and all the irrational thoughts are pouring out.” – honeymochie
“OP you are NOT the AH here, not by a long shot. He is acting ridiculous and has an extremely fragile ego. So friggin what where the car came from?!”
“I feel like I would get it if it were some highly sentimental or romantic type of item, but it’s a CAR. The dude needs to get over himself.”
“If I were in your shoes, I would think that this reaction is a huge red flag and would likely consider leaving the relationship altogether.”
“If he’s this bent up about where your d**n car came from, think how he might react in other situations when he’s legit angry…” – td1176
“You’ve been with this boy for 3 months and he wants you to sell your car because he’s embarrassed. Absolutely not.”
“If I were you I would consider what else might ’embarrass’ him in the future? You making more money than him? You working even if you have kids?”
“Seriously consider this. If his ego can be bruised by something that has nothing to do with him and is a net positive for you, he’s putting himself first in your relationship.”
“For a relationship to be healthy, both people need to see themselves as part of a team, cheer on each other’s wins, and put the good of the team first.”
“He’s trying to make +$10,000 decisions for you 3 months in. That suggests he doesn’t believe you’re able to handle yourself. What else will he want you to do because he ‘knows better’?”
“Red flags.” – Librarycat77
Others said that most people wouldn’t even ask financial questions about the car.
“First off, your boyfriend is entirely too comfortable asking and talking about how much people spend on their cars, etc.”
“Where and how you got things is none of anyone’s business. You might want to start keeping things a little closer to the vest when talking about your car.”
“In general, people don’t talk about how much they spent on something unless they are trying to show off or attempt to compensate for other shortcomings.” – LitRonSwanson
“NTA. And if anyone asks how much you paid, tell them it’s none of their business.”
“I have friends with nice cars, and I would never ask about the cost and who bought it. I just tell them it’s a great car. The boyfriend is so wrong.” – Direct-Plum-3558
“I fully expect he will make a point to mention it every time the car is even tangentially related to the subject of conversion, and then he will claim OP ’embarrassed’ him again and again and again.” – ThePeasantKingM
“I like scooters. Vespa types, sit down with a motor. If I meet someone with a cool scooter that I’m not familiar with (model, custom parts, exclusive features), I don’t think I’d think twice about asking how much it costs. It’s not all that weird.”
“It’s much weirder to demand an SO (significant other) to get rid of their personal things. It’s also a car. Selling and buying one is such a huge hassle. Plus, OP likes the car, why let the ex she broke up with ruin the fact that she’s got a sick car?” – Stinduh
“NTA, OP!”
“Your boyfriend has:”
“1. Called you ‘dumb and irrational’ for not doing what he wants when he wants you to.”
“2. Claimed that you were embarrassing him when you told the truth about your car.”
“3. Done his best to pressure you into selling your car and getting a cheaper one because your present car ‘no longer fits your lifestyle’ (huh?!)”
“4. Displayed obvious jealousy of your ex because he was wealthy enough to buy you a good car and your current boyfriend isn’t.”
“OP, seriously, how many red flags does this arrogant, presumptuous jerk have to wave in your face before you sing him a chorus of ‘Hit the Road, Jack’ and tell him not to get a snootful of your car’s exhaust as you drive away from him – for good?!” – Marzipan-Shepherdess
While the information could have potentially come out a little more gracefully, the subReddit didn’t understand the boyfriend’s insistence on giving up a perfectly good car, just because of where it had come from.
As some pointed out, it was way too soon for the boyfriend to even be making demands, not to mention over a possession that he had regularly utilized himself already.