While gender reveal parties have continued to trend upwards in popularity, so too has the conversation around gender disappointment.
People are making it more known than ever when they don’t have a baby of the gender they were wishing for, and responses to their feelings are divided, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
The Redditor, who has since deleted her account, was surprised when her sister became angry at her at her gender reveal party for having the daughter she never had been able to have.
But when her sister continued to pout through the rest of her party, the Original Poster (OP) threw her sister out and continued with the party.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for kicking my sister out of my gender reveal?”
The OP’s sister had a surprising reaction to the OP’s gender reveal.
“I had my gender reveal at the weekend and when it was announced we were having a baby girl, my sister burst into tears.”
“She has three boys and had always wanted a girl. They had their third in hopes of getting a girl but when it didn’t happen, my brother-in-law said he didn’t want any more kids.”
“My youngest nephew is now 3 so I was surprised when she reacted like that.”
The OP’s sister continued to draw attention away from the rest of the party.
“It annoyed me because when she ran to the bathroom, my mom went after her when she had barely congratulated us.”
“When my sister got back from the bathroom, she said congrats to me and had stopped crying but she still looked p**sed and was just sitting with her arms crossed.”
The OP decided she didn’t want that attitude at her party.
“I told her to leave and that she was selfish. She has three healthy kids and needs to get over it now.”
“She was p**sed and took her gift with her.”
“My mom said I need more empathy for my sister and that it’s been really hard for her to give up her dream.”
“My mom only stayed for a little longer and then went early to check on my sister.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some completely understood where the OP was coming from.
“Ugh, your sister sounds like a piece of work. Way to let her three sons know that they failed to meet her expectations.”
“She needs to get her stupid wishlist fairytale Instagram dream vibes family problem under control and love the family she has. Children aren’t accessories or do-over chances for your own life. You don’t have children to live some sort of wish fulfillment.”
“NTA for kicking her out. I would go further than that and stay away from this toxic mentality.” – ksarlathotep
“NTA. Her last child was three years ago and she’s still triggered by others having a girl? She should have stayed home as the odds weren’t in her favor. I think she might need therapy to come to terms with her ‘lost dream,’ and help in focusing on the healthy(?) boys she has.”
“If that’s apparent to her boys, it will be troubling. Your mom should have been helping her with this for the past 3 years, but now it’s time for some real help.” – BefuddledPolydactyls
“NTA. I find the ‘gender reveals’ id**tic. No idea who started them, but the whole idea that the gender needs to be celebrated is beyond my grasp.”
“Now, I’d still go if I were invited and see it as a party for the expecting mom, but being *upset* about the gender of your baby is f**ked up. Being upset about the gender of *not your baby* is demented. What’s next, stalking delivery rooms and crying to half the births?”
“And the mom agreeing with the crazy daughter who was actively ruining her sister’s special day, is also f**ked up, she is as much an AH there.” – MomThrowRAVsGF
“NTA. She knew it was plausible that it would be a girl. And when it was she burst into tears and sprinted out of the room. That’s not a normal reaction. That’s not just emotions. That’s a tantrum.”
“The sister had THREE kids and THREE showers and still had to make the day about herself. If it really was just emotions she would have cried and then put on a happy face or left. Instead, she sat there and pouted and crossed her arms like an infant. It’s not acceptable to behave this way at a celebration for your sister.”
“Gender disappointment is real for your own baby but throwing a fit because your sister got a girl and you didn’t is weird. Why not just love and shp for that baby girl? The emphasis on how much she wanted a girl is weird. I feel bad for her kids.” – Scaredtomatillo8589
“NTA. She started to be p**sed at you for having a girl because she always dreamed of one but it didn’t happen so all she could have done was realize that she already has three boys who love her as their mother. It’s not your fault. She’s an adult, she can control her emotions and behavior. if she really wants a girl, she can adopt one.” – kittillllkt
Others challenged the OP to have more sympathy for her sister’s disappointment.
“YTA. I don’t fully understand the care for gender reveal parties, nor do I understand having gender disappointment. But I do understand they exist. This isn’t something someone controls, either. It just happens. And they’re allowed to feel hurt over this.”
“Now, let’s recap:”
“Your sister heard the news and excused herself because she understood she needed a few moments to herself.”
“Your mother went to console her (who just so happens to be your sister’s mother as well).”
“They both congratulated you. Why? I don’t know. But it seems it was expected by you, and they did just that. Sorry it wasn’t grand? But really, you did nothing to deserve the congrats on baby’s sex.”
“You then kicked her out and fault your mother for leaving early to console her. You know, your mother likely left to console her because you were such an AH to her and not to further console about the baby’s sex.”
“You’re the one who turned this into a scene. Had you left it alone, your sister’s reaction probably would have been ignored and swept under the rug. But here you are, kicking your sister out, making it a lot more obvious that she’s a human with irrational feelings, and that you really do have no empathy.”
“I mean, for f**k’s sake, you HAD the gender reveal to begin with. Surely you’re aware how ridiculous that is. Surely you know YOU have a preference as well, or someone does. Otherwise, what’s the point?” – PuffPie19
“I’m going to go out on a limb and softly say YTA. Emotions can be hard to manage for some people, especially in a crowd. She probably didn’t expect to react that way. It sounds like she became overwhelmed and removed herself from the situation to cry.”
“She did congratulate you, even if it was meekly. Had you allowed her time to sit and process she might’ve come around and enjoyed the rest of the event, and properly congratulated you. Some empathy would’ve gone a long way.”
“If there’s more history where she baheves like this and tries to steal people’s spotlights, that’s different. Kicking her out seems to have escalated the drama that probably would’ve resolved itself.” – GOTHAMKNIGHT
“ESH.”
“Your sister probably needs some professional help dealing with these emotions.”
“YTA for having a complete and utter lack of compassion for what is difficult for her (whether it makes sense to you or not). And for having a gender reveal party in the first place.”
“This obsession we have with kids is insane.” – GeorgiaYankee73
“To those who think the sister was trying to make a scene by storming off to the bathroom, an additional point that should be considered is, that her sister wasn’t aware that those feelings would or could arrive beforehand.” – DeltaHypothesis
“I’m going to have to go against the trend here. Gender disappointment is real, is not okay to judge other people for their feelings, even if they seem silly or minor to us compared to other problems. It’s also not about her not loving her boys or hoping they were different, she’s just grieving that she is never going to have that girl she hoped for, which is completely different.”
“Now, if I understood correctly, OP got angry because her sister being upset stole her spotlight. While I kind of understand this, and as I said before everyone’s feelings are valid, I do not think it’s okay to kick out a person from a celebration purely for expressing their feeling. My reasons are:”
“- Your sister run to the bathroom precisely to not make a scene in front of everyone. She could not help crying, it’s a human and natural reaction and it’s okay to feel that way, the only thing she could do to not spoil your day is what she did, hide.”
“For everyone saying she knew it was a gender reveal and she should have prepared herself in case it was a girl, you are right, but sometimes no matter how much you prepare yourself mentally for something it might still spark an unexpected reaction. Maybe she wasn’t even aware herself that she was still upset about that until she heard it was a girl.”
“- Your sister DID congratulate you and then by the sound of it she sat quietly after that. Obviously, if she was still upset about it that might have been obvious, but if you hadn’t kicked a fuss people would have ignored it altogether after a while. At the end of the day, you were the one who made a scene.”
“- You claim gender is not important and you don’t understand why your sister makes a fuss about it, yet you have got all moody about people not congratulating you on your first reaction for having a girl versus a boy… why should they congratulate you if it is not important? Surely everyone knew you were going to have a baby anyway, they should have congratulated you way before they knew the gender.”
“For all of this, in my humble opinion YTA.” – profitastica88
While the subReddit could understand how disruptive it might have been for the sister to go to the bathroom and then pout at the party, they were more divided on how the OP handled her part.
While some agreed that the sister was looking for attention where she didn’t need it, others believed that her feelings might have snuck up on her in the worst way possible.
Whatever actually happened, hopefully the sisters could work out their differences before the baby was born, so they three of them could have the best relationship possible.