Two children just got an introduction to yoga as a strange and very audible exercise.
It turns out their mother, Redditor “Hebetterloveme,” had a quickie with her significant other and was unaware of a strategically-placed baby monitor in the bedroom. When the kids came-a-knockin’ and inquired about the strange sounds they heard, the Original Poster (OP) lied about the source of the grunting and taught them yoga instead.
The Original Poster admitted TIFU (Today I F’d UP) in the popular subReddit thread where users share their cringe-worthy and humorous anecdotes.
But what interestingly followed in the responses was an engaging conversation about sex and the stigma around the discussion of sex education.
Before we get into that, here’s her story of the foibles involved when balancing work, parenthood and a sex life while in self-isolation.
“I have to work from home during this mess. I work from the dining room while my kids (6 and 4) play. I can see/hear them most of the day.”
“Apparently while I was engrossed in work today, they took the wireless baby monitor and put in our bedroom because they ‘wanted to watch the cat sleeping’.’
“By some grace of god, the cat decided to sleep under the bed and not on it [so the camera was put under the bed].”
“Fast forward… I walk in the bedroom to blow dry my hair and my SO [significant other] was getting ready to take a shower. One thing lead to another – we make sure the door is locked, make sure to keep the noise relatively down…”
“After all, the kids were occupied at the dining room table, but as it turns out, they were occupied at the table with the receiver from the baby monitor.”
“As he jumped in the shower, I heard the door handle to bedroom jiggle. I said I was getting changed.”
“My six year old said, ‘We can hear you. Why are you saying ‘uhh uh uhhhh uh [SO’s name]’? We could hear it A LOT.”
“Ummm we were doing yoga! It hurts when he stretches me really far and I sometimes a grunt.”
“6 year old: Can we do yoga with you?”
“Commence me, sitting with my two kids, making moaning noises while I do downward dog to make it seem normal.”
“They are going to be so screwed when they go to their first yoga class and they sound straight out of an amateur porn tape.”
Redditors had plenty to say over the hilarious story.
“You know when school starts again, the 6yo will definitely be sharing what he learned, with the entire class.” – m73m95
“Teachers are all going to have to deal with some weird shit after entrusting our own children to us for schooling.”
“I’m hoping my son doesn’t decide to pee on the playground at school next year. Or that my daughter doesn’t teach her friends obscene words and gestures she learned by playing card games with me for the last nine weeks.” – dangitgirl83
Kids can bring up the random things they’ve learned at the most inopportune times.
“So we’ve been building blanket forts but my son calls them hidie holes and he says it in such a way that it sounds like heiny holes. Me and my wife are convinced that he’s gunna go back to school and tell the teacher how he loves playing in dad’s heiny hole.” – Bnb53
“My mom has a pet parrot named ‘Whiskey.’ When my daughter was about 3 we were in a checkout line in a grocery and there was a picture of a similar parrot on a magazine cover.”
“My young daughter begins to say loudly how much she loves and misses “Whiskey”! There were a lot of looks.” – j_andrew_h
“Im assuming once they heard noise on the monitor, they went to the monitor and watched, but i pray for your sake they didnt…” – bplboston17
This would’ve produced a different outcome.
“Imagine if you were moaning ‘Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!’ and you told them you were praying.”
“Sunday church service will never be the same.” – CoffeBrain
For those asking about the monitor and the reason for having it, the OP clarified:
“It was a video monitor. It was placed under the bed so nothing was seen. My son has nocturnal seizures—hence why a video monitor is needed at that age.”
The OP also admitted she used to be a “sex educator” and explained her reasoning for withholding details when it comes to having age-appropriate conversations about the birds and bees.
“My children are 4 and 6. There is certainly such a thing as sex positivity, but age appropriate.”
“They know male and female anatomy – they do not need to know the intercourse for pleasure that comes with such anatomy at that age. The emotional capacity of most 4 or 6 year olds could not process the information being given in a productive way.”
“Developmentally, it will be about two years before I talk my 6 year old about sexual mechanics unless he has a specific question before then. I’m banking on it not being burned in their memory since they’re so young and to them, it wasn’t life-altering.”
“So yes, I lied, kind of. I definitely got into some yoga positions.”
When a good majority of readers asked how the OP explains sex and sexuality with young children, she had this to offer:
*I always answer questions very factually. They’ve noticed girls don’t have penises so that’s where we started.”
“’Boys have penises and testicles, girls have vulvas/vaginas’. They know girls have eggs and boys have sperm. We never discourage touching themselves. We just redirect to do it in private and to wash hands.”
“But 4 and 6 are very young to begin talking about sex for pleasure. Their brains are only capable of processing so much.”
“If my 6 year old were to ask how the sperm met the egg, I may tell him. But I’d leave it at that and leave out the sex for fun details.”
“It’s not anti-sex positivity—it’s giving information at a time that’s developmentally appropriate.”
“It’s also a great time to start (although it should be started as early as possibly) to talk about consent. I breastfed my youngest for 18 months and he got in the habit of using my breasts for comfort.”
“Every once in a while when I’m snuggling with him before bed, he’ll put his hand down my shirt. I take it out and say, ‘I don’t like when you do that. Please don’t touch my boobies (only anatomical nickname we use). They are for milk for babies and toddlers, and you’re a big boy now’.”
“But even non-sexual consent, like ‘your brother asked you not to hug him right now. Please respect that’ will help reinforce sticking to boundaries and that it’s always a non-negotiable.”