Being lactose-intolerant can be a difficult problem to manage.
But it’s not impossible.
However, dairy is everywhere.
Thankfully, there are many dairy-free options nowadays.
But now and again, people find themselves face-to-face with a nice piece of pizza.
And that pizza can be far too tempting.
Redditor throwawaydad12393883 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for taking my son to a pizza restaurant?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hello. I am a single dad (35 M[ale]) with two kids (12 F[emale] and 8 M).”
“I have a pretty good relationship with my ex.”
“It was my daughter’s birthday last Saturday, and when I asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday, she said she wanted to go to a pizza restaurant for dinner with a couple of her friends and then take them back to my house for a sleepover.”
“This isn’t exactly a very big extravagant party, so I said, of course, and that was that.”
“Now here’s some context: my son is lactose intolerant, and eating or drinking anything containing dairy wrecks his stomach, but it’s not like a deadly allergy, just diarrhea and occasionally vomiting.”
“He can’t eat pizza.”
“Obviously, I couldn’t leave him at home, so I told him he would have to come with us.”
“Fast forward to the day, and everything is going fine.”
“I ordered my son some fries and some other nice sides like dough balls and stuff that he could eat.”
“He seemed happy.”
“My daughter was happy.”
“I thought it had gone perfectly.”
“Then a few days later, my ex texted me saying, ‘I can’t believe you took [son’s name] to a pizza restaurant! You know how much he misses it!'”
“I replied that I thought it was fine and he’d still got a nice meal, but she said he felt ‘excluded’ and like he was an odd one out.”
“She said I could have dropped him off at her place, and she could have looked after him for the evening or even hired a babysitter or something because apparently, he found the whole thing ‘humiliating.'”
“Also ‘there was a risk of cross-contamination and he shouldn’t be allowed to just go to random restaurants.'”
“So now I feel bad and I realize maybe he did feel a little different.”
“But I didn’t realize it had upset him so much.”
“I really feel the dad guilt right now haha 🥲😅.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So uh, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I’m lactose intolerant, too, so let me correct this misconception…”
“My son is lactose intolerant, and eating or drinking anything containing dairy wrecks his stomach but it’s not like a deadly allergy, just diarrhea and occasionally vomiting.”
“He can’t eat pizza.”
“Your son can still eat pizza.”
“Many places have plant-based cheeses they can use to make dairy-free pizza, and even the ones that don’t will leave the cheese off the pizza if you ask them to.”
“From personal experience, I can tell you that while these pizzas aren’t quite as good as the real deal, they’re still pretty good.”
“Your wife is being completely unreasonable.”
“He felt excluded eating dough balls, but he wouldn’t have felt excluded being dropped off at home before the party?”
“Where’s the logic in that?” ~ SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“NTA. I would 100% ask your son without his mother around about how he actually felt about it.”
“She might have heard about the restaurant and forced the position on him a bit.”
“All in all, lactose intolerance from my understanding doesn’t really go away.”
“It’s important for him to learn now that just because he can’t have dairy doesn’t mean that he’s the odd one out.”
“Plenty of children with allergies and intolerances still participate in parties and such with friends.”
“Essentially, what exactly is going to happen from here?”
“He just won’t go to parties where dairy (an extremely common food group) will be?”
“Beyond that, the ‘cross-contamination’ comment is wild.”
“He doesn’t have an anaphylactic allergy, and dairy is relatively easy to avoid with safe foods such as the ones you chose.”
“I think you’re teaching your son important lessons, like how to choose foods when in a ‘dairy-centric’ sort of restaurant, and also that just because you need to eat differently doesn’t make you weird and certainly shouldn’t be humiliating.”
“Please keep including your son in these types of experiences (obviously to his comfort level), and make sure you are having conversations so his mother doesn’t (accidentally or not) put this negative view on going to parties with dairy options.”
“Also, maybe find a family member or friend with lactose intolerance that would speak to him or that you can speak about so he knows how common and absolutely manageable lactose intolerance is.”
“Keep up the good work Dad and good luck with everything!” ~ AffectionateTry6175
“NTA. Your son’s food restrictions have imperfect solutions.”
“It wouldn’t be a stretch to think he would have felt excluded if he stayed with his mom while you went out with his sister.”
“He’s going to have to deal with this the rest of his life, as parents you can’t make him ever feel excluded, but you can help him manage those feelings and find creative ways to feel included.” ~ ricebasket
“NTA. It was your daughter’s birthday!!!!”
“You did the right thing by giving her the day she wanted and you still tried to accommodate him.”
“Does your ex normally react like this?”
“If not I have a feeling this might have more to do with your daughter being really happy about the party you gave her, and your ex having trouble dealing with that.” ~ Ok_Palpitation_37
“Cross-contamination is not really a risk with lactose intolerance, so either your son has a dairy allergy or your wife is nuts.”
“If it is just intolerance, cheeseless pizza exists and can easily be ordered, and if you make it at home or order from special restaurants, vegan cheese pizza also exists so you are all being really dramatic over something that is just not that serious.”
“NTA – Wife is being ridiculous.” ~ starbiebarbie99
“NTA. Your ex is being a nut job.”
“There is no cross-contamination for lactose intolerance.”
“He eats it or he doesn’t.”
“If he doesn’t, then his tummy is fine.”
“And you did not give him any dairy.”
“If he has a dairy allergy I can understand her concern about cross-contamination.”
“However, that is not what you said.”
“So is it her opinion that he should never be allowed to go to a restaurant?”
“You found options for your son to eat and many pizza places often contain plant-based cheese options so in the future look for one of those so your son can also have pizza if that’s what he wants.”
“I think the biggest thing that needs to happen though is a conversation between you and your son.”
“Because I would think she was just defending her child and relaying his feelings if not for the fact that she went so extreme with the nonsense about cross-contamination.” ~ Apprehensive_War9612
“Also, you can eat regular pizza if you’re lactose intolerant.”
“I do it all the time.”
“Aged cheeses don’t cause distress.”
“If it’s fresh mozzarella, take Lactaid.”
“If Lactaid doesn’t work, it might be a dairy/milk allergy rather than lactose intolerance. NTA.”
“You provided for your son, and he presumably enjoyed himself.” ~ ProfessionalBear4509
“Some cheeses are relatively lactose-free, and they’re easier to digest than others.”
“The longer they’ve been aged, the lower the lactose content.”
“I can eat pizza with mozzarella, but then I get really bad heartburn a few hours later because, while most of the stuff in the pizza is digestible, the lactose that remains is only digestible by acid-producing bacteria.”
“Lactaid helps temporarily, but even that eventually breaks down after an hour or so, at which point the bacteria get to go to town on whatever still remains.”
“Granted, it’s not the same as having a straight glass of milk.”
“That’ll have me running for the toilet within the next half hour.” ~ SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“NTA. This is a good learning experience for your son.”
“He needs to learn that not everything is based around him, and on some occasions, like someone else’s birthday, they get to make decisions, even if they aren’t what he would have chosen.”
“Also, as he grows up, there are going to be plenty of other situations where his friends/classmates/teammates/people that he is with are going to want to get food that contains dairy, like going for pizza, ice cream, etc.”
“And he’s going to have to learn to deal with those situations and be in those kind of environments.” ~ Tdluxon
“NTA. I have a feeling it wasn’t as bad as your ex made it sound.”
“Your son seemed ok to you and he probably was.”
“He misses being able to have dairy but I highly doubt the word humiliating came out of his mouth.”
“Have you tried lactaid pills?”
“They’re over-the-counter lactose intolerant pills.”
“Helps people to have a little dairy if they really want it.” ~ FaithCA79
“NTA. As a dad with a child with a similar food issue, one of the things we HAVE to do is get our kids used to figuring out where they can eat when they can’t choose the restaurant.”
“You made sure your son didn’t eat his trigger food AND had somethings, like dough balls, that are delicious and show that you care that he enjoys the meal.”
“Now is the time you need to talk to your son without your ex present and ask him how he felt AT the meal.”
“It can be disappointing to go to a place that serves an awesome food that we can’t eat.”
“It’s also disappointing to miss out on your sister’s birthday meal due to your allergy.”
“An 8-year-old is old enough to be having that conversation.”
“But after you have the conversation with him without your ex, the three of you need to have it together.”
“If your son wasn’t acting up AT the meal, then complains about it afterward to mom, it is highly likely that there is some influence or bias there.”
“I’m not saying your ex is coaching him.”
“I’m saying that her sensitivity to his intolerance might make him more sensitive to it when talking to her about it.”
“Keep dadding, fellow dad.”
“We got this.” ~ rockology_adam
“NTA. You fed him food he could safely eat.”
“It’s the unfortunate reality that he has some foods he won’t be able to eat anymore, and the rest of the world will not get rid of them for him.”
“By getting him other foods, he had a silver lining!”
“Perhaps a pizza place with lactose-free or dairy-free cheese for next time?”
“But still NTA here at all.” ~ bookworm-mama5
“NTA. I mean, he’s an 8 -8-year-old at a party of 12-year-old girls, so yeah, he’s going to feel like an odd man out.”
“So maybe it wasn’t the best time for him.”
“Sounds like he wasn’t devastated, and it’s not like it was his birthday.” ~ DuckGold6768
Reddit understands where you’re coming from, OP.
You thought you were doing the right thing.
It sounds like it may be time for a serious chat with you, your ex, and your son.
The sooner he learns how to navigate these situations, the better.
It’s hard to spend life in hiding from cheese.
It’s everywhere.
Good luck.