Blending families can take a lot of work.
Kids aren’t always going to get along.
This is a situation a lot of parents can go overboard with.
Not all step-siblings are meant to be besties.
Redditor WasteGoose8271 wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for snapping at my mom after she tried to force me to learn sign language?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (13 M[ale]) mom (35 F[emale]) has been dating with her now fiancé (38 M) (let’s call him Jeremy) for two years.”
“Five months ago, he proposed to her, and they got engaged and moved in together, and now they are planning their wedding.”
“I am cool with this.”
“I really like Jeremy. They were friends before they started dating, so I met and got close to him before he started dating my mom.”
“I think he’s really cool, and I am happy for my mom.”
“My issue is with his annoying and arrogant son, he is only 2 years older than me but acts like he’s too cool to hang out with me.”
“He treats me like a little kid, but there’s only 2 years between us.”
“I will call him Dean.”
“Dean is deaf and has to use a device (it’s called a cochlear implant) to hear.”
“But he can’t wear his device all the time because apparently hearing can be exhausting for him.”
“To be honest, I think this is an excuse he uses to avoid hanging out with us.”
“But that’s what he claims.”
“Anyway, he and Jeremy both know sign language, but my mom and I don’t.”
“My mom has started learning after she got engaged to Jeremy, and she’s pressuring me to learn too, but I’m refusing because I don’t want to spend my time learning a whole language for him when he clearly doesn’t even like me.”
“My mom says I am being disrespectful because we now basically live semi-together.”
“He comes to stay with Jeremy on the weekends.”
“I live with my mom full time.”
“So, unfortunately, I have to stay with Dean on weekends.”
“Two days ago, my mom (in front of Jeremy, by the way) started telling me about this great ASL tutor she found online and how she’s thinking of signing me up for her classes.”
“I lost my temper, yelled, and told her I don’t want to and just stop f**king pressuring me.”
“I was told to go to my room for yelling at her and was grounded for a day for using that word.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“I know I shouldn’t have used that word but AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“Soft YTA. More out of a lack of awareness.”
“Side note: You can still communicate when diving if you know sign language.”
“Also, hearing exhaustion is real for deaf people.”
“It’s like… my brain has to use more C[entral] P[rocessing] U[nit] to hear.”
“First, your brain has to parse the words because hearing isn’t a natural skill for you.”
“I still don’t register people as talking to me unless I am looking at them.”
“Then, you use context for any words you might have missed to fill in the blanks.”
“Accents also change the way people hold their mouths when talking, meaning you have to take that into account when lip reading.”
“All of this. For. Every. Sentence. Ever.”
“This is not even going into people’s ableism.”
“The anger thrown your way when you don’t respond??”
“Or when you have to have something repeated??”
“It is exhausting.” ~ Forward-Nothing7650
“Light YTA.”
“He is a d**k.”
“But as someone with hearing aids, and I’ve been considering the implant as my hearing loss gets worse, you have to understand it’s not like regular hearing.”
“Before I got hearing aids, the world was quiet.”
“Chewing was just a motion.”
“Birds chirping was distant and rare.”
“Plane noise I could almost feel more than hear.”
“Car honking that made people jump made me pay attention but feel no shock.”
“Things were muted.”
“When I got hearing aids, I got to learn many joys of being hearing able.”
“A famous example is cats purring.”
“You can feel it, but hearing it is so loud!”
“And suddenly it wasn’t just loud things that were bothering me – I could hear chewing. Scrapping.”
“The click of teeth together talking.”
“Tongues hitting teeth.”
“Scratching of skin.”
“Sliding of chairs.”
“Footsteps.”
“Doors closing.”
“Cars outside my house down the road revving.”
“And to a normal hearing person, you get used to it.”
“But for those of us who didn’t get exposed to this passively, it’s one MASSIVE sensory overload.”
“You have to get used to a lot of sounds all at once.”
“Be patient with him.”
“Learn A[merican] S[ign] L[anguage] anyway.”
“Do it to spite him.”
“Make friends with Deaf people.”
“Do you wonder if he’s such an a** because he’s used to having his own needs ignored?”
“That’s not on you, but some people act out like jerks because the world has been cruel to him.”
“You don’t have to be his best friend in the whole world, but perhaps learning ASL could help you find something cool to connect with- a peace treaty, if you will.” ~ secretlywicker
“YTA. It’s not an excuse. “
“People who were born deaf (as I assume Dean was) can very easily get overwhelmed and exhausted while using cochlear implants.”
“Hell, even some people who are born hearing get overwhelmed by sounds.”
“I’d recommend doing some research into auditory fatigue.”
“It can help you understand how I suspect Dean feels when he uses his cochlear implants for a prolonged period of time.” ~ pleasedontrefertome
“Because of the situation, I get why you are upset.”
“Blended families are difficult, but judging based on what you told us and if you are an AH because of how you reacted, YTA, and you should apologize to your mom.”
“She hasn’t forced you to do anything yet.”
“There is a chance Dean doesn’t like you because you refuse to try to communicate with him.”
“You are also 13.”
“Correct me if I am wrong, but many schools require you to learn a language anyway or offer electives (ASL counts).”
“Even if you don’t like Dean, I would recommend learning ASL anyway.”
“It is only a benefit in the future, and if you are going to be step-siblings, you might as well learn a little ASL.” ~ Argylesox95
“Light YTA.”
“Refusing to accommodate a disability for someone you share a household with is a bit of a d**k move.”
“It seems that you’re not taking Dean’s disability very seriously either, which is probably compounding the relationship issues between you.”
“Learning a new language is a good skill, and ASL is an awesome thing to know for the hard-of-hearing community.”
“I’d say NAH (on the language learning element specifically) if you had given it a try and decided you’d rather dedicate that time to something else, but not even willing to give it a go seems obstinate and shortsighted!”
“Plus, it will mean you get left out of conversations if your mom and stepdad need to communicate with Dean when he doesn’t have his cochlear implants in.”
“Don’t create a situation where you’ll end up feeling left out.”
“And yelling and swearing at your mom for… trying to help you learn a new skill is not good.”
“And that makes you overall TA even if you were correct on the language aspect (which, to be clear, I don’t think you are).” ~ aurora-leigh
Some people on Reddit had a differing opinion…
“Tell your mom and Jeremy that Dean is annoying, arrogant, and doesn’t want to spend time with you.”
“Tell them why you’re not open to learning sign language.”
“FYI, you should trust Dean about wearing the device all the time.”
“No one would choose to be more disabled than necessary.”
“NTA, but don’t get too hardened in your position on this.”
“You and Dean may reach a level of respect and even affection, and ASL actually counts as a second language, like Spanish, so far as graduation and university entrance requirements.”
“Hope you guys figure it out.” ~ NeverRarelySometimes
“NTA. My daughter is learning sign (not deaf, wants to be an interpreter).”
“That’s fine, it feels like she expects the whole family to learn to sign as well.”
“I have tried in the past, but I struggle to remember even finger spelling, let alone conversational signing.”
“She will talk to me in sign, but I have to tell her I don’t know what she is saying.” ~ FukmiMoore
“NTA. You shouldn’t be forced to learn a Language you have 0 interest in.”
“Learning to say no is a powerful skill that should be cultivated.”
“Personally, I would have just flat-out refused.”
“There wouldn’t be a dam thing my parents could do to move me.”
“They could ground, restrict access to thins, etc but if it was important to me.”
“I’d just happily deal with the consequences.”
“Eventually, they learned that no means no.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA – your mom is not listening to you and is trying to push.”
“As a 13-year-old, you exploded, and for that actually you’re a bit of an AH.”
“You should have reminded her you aren’t willing to spend your time learning ASL while you don’t have a relationship with your future stepbrother.”
“If things change, you’ll let her know.” ~ Timely_Proposal_1821
“Think of it this way – this will also be a good opportunity for you to build a pretty valuable communication skill that might be beneficial to you in the future.”
“You never know!”
“I would LOVE it if my mom got me an ASL tutor when I was younger, and I don’t even know any deaf people.”
“NAH is my judgment because I understand this is a difficult transition. Dean clearly hasn’t been very welcoming or friendly to you, but your relationship will get worse if you lean into hating him no matter what.”
“Learn the ASL for your own benefit, not his.”
“And if someday you guys turn out to be bros, you will be happy you know how to talk to him when he doesn’t have the implants on.” ~ workana
“NTA: but as an adult,t I wish I had put the effort into learning sign language.”
“It’s an amazing ability.”
“A 15-year-old is likely not going to want to hang with a 13-year-old.”
“But you’re 13 and don’t get it.”
“That’s ok.”
“Don’t learn sign language for him learn it for someone you haven’t met yet.”
“Learn it because it looks good to future employers.”
“Learn it because it’s a good skill to have.” ~ Ok-Stuff-4628
“NTA… you don’t have any real relationship with your soon-to-be stepbrother.”
“That’s fine and dandy you don’t have to learn a whole new language for when you don’t want to invest your time or energy into an activity you won’t enjoy or get a benefit from.”
“Kind of ridiculous for all these people saying you’re the a-hole for not wanting to sacrifice for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you.” ~ TheBranded1833
“YTA for making the assumption he is disabling his implants to be an a**hole.”
“Maaaaaybe it’s a power-play thing, but I have known MANY deaf individuals in my life (mostly through my ex-wife, who was an interpreter) and the ones with cochlear implants almost universally admitted to varying degrees of sensory overload.”
“It really is a thing.”
“Beyond that, yeah, I get it you want to be edgy and defiant, cool.”
“Just don’t be the kind of jerk that makes unfounded and ableist allegations, ok?”
“No one should FORCE you to learn ASL.” ~ bbbourb
“YTA. But I need to cut you a break because you’re 13 and don’t see the bigger picture.”
“Learning another language is so beneficial and will help you in ways you could never imagine.”
“Employers love people who can speak another language and if I could learn any language it would be sign language.”
“To be able to communicate with someone who is deaf does change their day and adds something positive to it.”
“I’ve seen it so many times in my workplace.”
“You don’t have to learn it to communicate with Dean – do it for yourself and future you.” ~ Dry-Attitude-6790
“Soft YTA.”
“I’m not deaf, but neurodivergent and hearing can be really exhausting.”
“I would take the chance to learn a new language.”
“Give it a try.” ~ DoubleOccasion4126
“Soft YTA but you’re still a kid so I get it, but learning sign language is a valuable skill, maybe look at it as an investment in your future.” ~ Visual_Locksmith_976
“Learning ASL can also turn into a side gig for a little extra cash.”
“Council meetings, the news, generally any special function will have someone who knows ASL, so everyone attending or watching can understand what’s going on.”
“It’s a good skill to have.” ~ Alicat52
Reddit understands where you’re coming from, OP.
Your feelings are fragile at the moment.
That is understandable.
Maybe talk to a school counselor or close third-party relative or friend?
Perhaps they can help mediate the situation for you.