Strict gender norms are rapidly being obliterated.
Any gender is capable of almost anything.
Women can change the oil in a car.
Men can steam-clean drapery.
When it comes to chores around the house a lot more is divvied up equally.
Not every household appreciates what seems to be the new norm.
Redditor TherealYemmi wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to do house chores after my mom said only girls should do them?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (22 F[emale]) live at home with my parents and siblings — including my brothers (23 M[ale], 21 M, and 18 M) and my younger sister. “
“The house needed a deep clean, and I suggested that it would be faster and fairer if everyone pitched in — not just the girls.”
“My mom actually agreed at first and said, ‘That sounds like a good idea.’”
“I was actually surprised and thought we were all on the same page.”
“But then she told me to start by vacuuming all the carpets and told my sister to do some other chores around the house.”
“We got to work, but I started wondering when my brothers were going to be called in to help.”
“They were just playing video games in the other room the whole time.”
“I asked her about it, and she basically told me to be quiet and just do the work.”
“When I said it didn’t feel fair that she was only making the girls do the chores, she got mad and said something like, ‘Never in my life have I seen a girl act like this. Aren’t you embarrassed?’”
“I reminded her that she agreed the boys should help too, and she responded, ‘I never said we would actually do that. They’re boys. You and your sister are girls. This is your job.’”
“To give some context, my family believes that men should work outside and women should do the inside work.”
“My brothers are adults now, but they don’t have jobs and aren’t expected to do either the ‘man jobs’ or ‘woman jobs.'”
“They’re free to sit around and play video games and don’t have to help anyone while my sister and I do all the work.”
“I even tried to ask my dad to step in, but he just ignored me and kind of mocked me.”
“At this point, I’ve stopped doing the chores out of protest.”
“My mom is now really angry at me and thinks I’m being disrespectful and lazy.”
“I feel like I’m just standing up for what’s fair, but part of me wonders if I’m being a jerk by refusing to help now.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, Reddit — AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I grew up in a house like this – 4 brothers, and I’m the only girl.”
“My mother believes the lack of a penis meant I should like housework. 🙄”
“Move out ASAP. It’s the only way you’ll find peace.”
“Your mother will come to regret her choices when she’s old and tripping over herself catering to her adult sons because no one else will have them, and they’d rather sit around and scratch their holes before making themselves a sandwich.” ~ GlitterGaff
“NTA OP, and you are not disrespectful here.”
“Your mum is being sexist, and your dad is not helping either.”
“Doing household tasks is not a gendered thing. It is a universal life skill.”
“Your parents are actually failing your brothers by giving all your brothers the wrong idea that having a wife means having a free housemaid they can take for granted.”
“This is not acceptable behavior in this day and age.” ~ Kangaroo-Pack-3727
“Definitely NTA!”
“It’s frustrating that this kind of blatant sexism still happens, where the expectation is that women do all the work while the men get a free pass.”
“But if your brothers have always been excused from doing work, it seems like it’s just a long-standing issue.” ~ _Zoe-mystic
“NTA, this is sexist behavior.”
“You’re an adult, so I’d recommend you start to prepare for moving out and building a life on your own terms.” ~ NickName2506
“NTA. I have some friends that grew up in homes like these.”
“Blatant favoritism towards the sons, ridiculous double standards towards the daughters.”
“In no way has it helped in their development; rather, it has greatly hindered them.”
“Do not go along with what your mom says, and make sure to protect your sister from this too.”
“Tell Mom you’re only going to do as much as your brothers.”
“I’m sure she says a lot of other sexist comments, too; just know where you stand and don’t feel pressure to behave the way she says.”
“You are not doing anything wrong.”
“Your sister needs a good role model and the rest of your family is not it.”
“I would also talk to your brothers because they need to learn that this is not okay.”
“They can’t grow up to treat their girlfriends/wives/any women this way.”
“Mom needs to change if she wants any relationship with you in the future, but I don’t know if that’s possible at her age.” ~ dogtriestocatchfly
“NTA. I’d be ashamed to raise boys to believe they could sit on their arses gaming while the females cleaned the house.”
“Your parents are setting them up to completely fail in life.”
“You’re 22, save your money, take your skills, and move into your own space.” ~ Miss_Melody_Pond
“NTA. Sadly it will likely take more than conversations to change this dynamic.”
“1. Your mom is at least partially ruling through guilt.”
“You are meant to do what she expects or she will guilt you.”
“Keep refusing to work and do not back down; do not ‘feel’ the guilt she is trying to make you feel.”
“If she asks you if you are embarrassed, ask her if she has any shame about refusing to raise her sons right, for being a bad parent.”
“2. Your parents are bad parents. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but it’s true.”
“They are acting terribly to you, that’s clear, but they are also acting terribly towards your brothers.”
“Would you be attracted to a man who is a giant baby who can’t look after himself?”
“Would you be interested in dating a man who expects you to take over as a mother?”
“It is hard to say for sure; they might find women who want exactly that, but on the balance of probabilities, your parents are not preparing them well for life, and they will suffer for it.”
“3. The best thing for you is to move out and offer a place for your sister as soon as you can.”
“I’m sure it’s not easy, but it still might be easier than winning over your parents through simple conversations.”
“You need to break from their control, and from there, you might find it easier to change how they act.”
“Hard to say for sure, but you will be in a safer place for yourself as well, so, pretty decent option. Good Luck.” ~ magog12
“NTA – just tell your mom, I have changed my view.”
“This is the responsibility of a wife and mother.”
“As I am neither and won’t sign up for such roles at this time, it’s your job, Mom.”
“Mom this is a dirty house, you should do a better job.” ~ Affectionate_Door607
“NTA. I had a live-in boyfriend that was raised like your brothers. HAD.”
“We lived in an apartment.”
“There were no ‘outside jobs.'”
“When I eventually told him to get out, he was shocked, despite me complaining for years about being the only one taking any responsibility.”
“I was the breadwinner, it was my apartment, and he brought literally nothing to the table.”
“Your brothers are going to grow old alone and bitter since women are not willing to cater to them.”
“If they have enough money to pay for a cleaner, great. Your mom is going to get increasingly mad at them for mooching off them.”
“Your brothers are going to literally eat away any retirement funds or inheritance there is.”
“Get out fast and consider yourself lucky: you have the skills to take care of yourself in life.”
“Never enter a relationship with a man who isn’t doing his share (meaning all of his own messes and half of the shared chores) of the ‘inside jobs.'”
“Put everything on paper.”
“You’re literally better off alone than with a man like your brothers.”
“And there are better ones out there, so don’t settle.” ~ unluckysupernova
“NTA. It’s not surprising your dad didn’t step up for you, it didn’t benefit him to do so and would’ve actually led to him needing help as well.”
“This type of toxic mindset will probably never change.”
“If you have the means to move out in the near future, that is the only way you’ll escape this.”
“Good for you for standing up for yourself in the meantime.” ~ Mountain-Blood-7374
“I know if I told my 12-year-old that because she was a girl, she had to do the housework and her 9-year-old brother could sit on his arse, she would pitch a fit, throw the cleaning supplies back at me, and tell her brother to start helping.”
“Your mum is stuck so far in the past it is ridiculous, and I suggest not backing down until your brothers actually pull their weight. 100% NTA.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA. You absolutely need to move out of there.”
“You aren’t going to change your parents’ minds about this, and your brothers are being raised to be freeloaders and absolutely useless partners.”
“That’s infuriating.” ~ believe_in_claude
“NTA – and I pity any woman that either dates or marries your brothers.”
“Your mother is not only treating you and your sister poorly but she is also setting up your brothers to fail in life.” ~ meeeee01
Reddit is loud and clear in its support for OP.
It’s 2025, not 1955.
It’s sad that your parents think this way.
They are doing your brothers no favors.
Stand your ground for you and your sister.
Good Luck.