Weight is always a highly sensitive subject.
Some people simply cringe when their weight becomes a topic of conversation, whether they’ve lost or gained a noticeable amount of weight.
Some people are so self-conscious about the matter that they might assume any remark or gesture is a dig.
Even if that couldn’t be further from the case.
Redditor NerdyBrooklynGirl had recently begun to lose a considerable amount of weight.
As a result, the original poster (OP) felt it was the perfect opportunity to offer some of the clothes that no longer fit her to a colleague who had openly admired these clothes.
Unfortunately, the reaction of the OP’s colleague was not at all what she expected it to be.
Worried she had made a huge mistake, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for offering my clothes to a coworker after losing weight?”
The OP explained how what she thought was a nice gesture ended up ruining her friendship:
“I have a coworker that I am very close to and we eat lunch together, etc.”
“I’m a clothes horse and I have so many things that I’ve never worn and still have the tags on.”
“My coworker is always commenting to me that she loves my clothes and if I ever decide to give anything away, please come to her first!”
“We were the same size.”
“I recently lost a lot of weight and I’ve gone down five sizes.”
“I’ve been working really hard at it, but I haven’t been talking about it that much because it seems to be a bit of tension between the two of us.”
“She’s never said anything outright, just some passive aggressive comments about how I’m getting too thin.”
“I just ignore it because a lot of people say that, and I think it’s just a result of the shock of me losing weight.”
“I still have about 30 pounds to lose before I even hit the 150 mark and I’m very short.”
“I’m definitely not too thin and I still suffer from body dysmorphia, so I don’t even think I’m thin at all.”
“I recently went through my clothes, and I have a shocking amount of things that have either never been worn or have been worn once (I really need to work on this addiction).”
“I put them together in boxes and on my next trip into the office, I asked her if she would like me to bring those in so she could go through them.”
“Her face took on this very shocked expression, and then she said ‘why would you ask me that?'”
“‘Why would you insult me by asking me if I want your hand me downs and castoffs?'”
“‘That’s so humiliating’.”
“I was stunned and I think I might’ve actually said I was sorry and walked away.”
“To make things even worse, there’s another friend in the office who was also my size, and as we went out to the car later that day she asked me what the boxes were in my car.”
“I told her they were my larger size clothes and that I had brought them for our other coworker, but she didn’t want them (I didn’t go into any details).”
“She went nuts and asked if she could go through the box.”
“She called her daughter who worked very close by and we spent the next 45 minutes going through the boxes and getting the stuff that she wanted.”
“They literally took almost everything.”
“While they were doing it, the other coworker came outside to leave for the day and saw what was happening.”
“She got into her car and left.”
“Later that night she texted me and lit into me about me giving the clothes to the other coworker.”
“I am so confused.”
“Did I insult her?”
“And if I did, why would she care if I gave the clothes to someone else?”
“After several years of a good work friendship, she won’t even speak to me anymore.”
“We have been friends and coworkers for six years.”
“I have been giving her clothes off and on for those six years.”
“During those six years, I have lost 10 or 15 pounds and given her some of those clothes during that time and she didn’t seem offended.”
“I’m now down 65 pounds.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situaiton by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for offering her coworker her clothes, or for giving them to someone else.
Everyone agreed that since the OP’s colleague had openly expressed a desire for her clothes, she was clearly only trying to be nice.
They also found the behavior of her coworker hypocritical and immature, given that she had complained when the OP gave the clothes to someone else.
“NTA.”
“If the first co-worker had never mentioned wanting your clothes that would be one thing.”
“But she did.”
“Then she got pissed when you gave the clothes she Refused to a different co-worker.”
“You can’t win with this person, who, imo, isn’t much of a friend.”- ServelanDarrow
“NTA.”
“So is she upset about you asking if she wanted your too large clothes?”
“Or is she upset because you gave it to someone else after she got all offended?”
“Either way, she sounds insufferable.”- NotCreativeAtAll16
“NTA.”
“Weight is a tough subject for people but that doesn’t excuse your coworkers passive aggressive comments or her rudeness to you about the clothes.”
“I’m glad you found people who appreciate the gesture!”- scorchthedragoon
“Wait.”
“She told you if you were ever getting rid of things, to let her know.”
“So, you did, and she got offended.”
“Ok….. about-face, much?”
“Whatever.”
“So then you gave them to someone who wanted them, and she got offended again?”
“Honestly, I would document this in case it escalates.”
“She’s not all there.”
“NTA.”- gravitationalarray
“NTA.”
“It’s unfortunate that so many people think weight loss is a competition.”
“I think she’s jealous of your new health, and accepting the clothes would reinforce the idea of you ‘winning’.”
“This is something she needs to work through on her own.”
“If she makes you uncomfortable (passive aggressive/negative talk), you can redirect the conversation, saying ‘let’s talk about something else’.”
“As for giving them to your other co-worker-kudos!”
“I think it’s wonderful that you ended up being able to donate the clothes to someone who appreciated them.”
“Congratulations on your journey!”
“Health is wealth; keep taking care of yourself.”- vav70
The OP later returned with an update, sharing where things currently stood between her and her coworker.
“She called me earlier today and totally lit into me.”
“She said that I should’ve understood that she was sensitive about my weight loss because she felt like I was losing weight ‘to show her up’.“
“I told her that I didn’t know what she meant by that because I’ve been losing weight because of my blood pressure and because I was prediabetic.”
“My doctor was worried that I would have a heart attack if I continued at this size.”
“She said that was a bunch of sh*t and that I’ve been losing weight to make her the fattest person in the office.”
“I basically sighed and was ready to give up, when she said ‘oh, and how dare you give all those clothes to XxxxxX?'”
“‘She’s going to be wearing those clothes in the office and I have to see her in them when you were supposed to give them to me!’“
“When I said that she said that was humiliating and that she didn’t want my hand me downs, she hung up on me.”
“I honestly have no idea what to do at this point.”
“I want to apologize but now I’m not sure I should now.”
“I don’t feel that I can do anything at this point.”
Reddit continued to weigh in.
“NTA.”
“Your coworker likely has a difficult relationship with her body and shame.”
“Here’s an analogy:”
“Let’s say you and your coworker are surrounded by people who play baseball, but you two aren’t great at it so you play whiffleball.”
“You have a really nice bat and team shirt that she’s admired for a while.”
“Then you start training and working very hard, and your baseball skills improve to the point where you can play.”
“You’re not Derek Jeter but you’re an average baseball player now.”
“You think ‘I don’t need this whiffle ball stuff now, I’ll give it to my friend’ which is a kind thing to do.”
“But what your friend hears is ‘I’m better than you now, so you can take this crap because I’m too good for it, and by extension you’.”
“Did you say that?”
“No.”
“Did you do anything wrong?”
“No!”
“But if she’s insecure about being ‘only’ a whiffleball player, then that’s what she hears.”
“She’s feeling alone now, and not as comfortable around you as she used to be because she thinks you judge her now too.”
“Then seeing another whiffleball player go ‘omg I’d love those thank you!’ is grating not only because now she’ll never get the stuff she admired, but she has a mirror held up to her behavior.”
“She wishes she could be a baseball player like you, or unselfconscious and happy with whiffleball like the other woman, but she is where she is and is now stuck in a cycle of shame because she has internalized the idea that it means she is worth less as a person.”
“You tried to do a kind thing, and your friend reacted badly in a way that you did not deserve.”
“Please have compassion for her though.”- ExtraHorse
It seems that the OP’s friend took comfort in the fact that they were friends of the same size.
And it would be an entirely different story if the OP were flaunting her weight loss in her friend’s face.
That isn’t the case, however, and as many have suggested, if this is how she treats her “friends”, the OP might want to seriously question if she was ever a friend at all.