Anyone who has ever had to buy feminine hygiene and period products can attest to how ridiculously expensive they are.
But when a person is sensitive to certain materials, and they have to get speciality products to use during their cycle, their products are exceedingly more expensive, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor PunkRockPopStar had multiple allergies and health issues, leading her to need specific products. She generally didn't mind sharing, even though they were more expensive, but like anything else, there should be a limit.
When her brother and his girlfriend kept visiting, and the girlfriend always seemed to need period products, the Original Poster (OP) was reluctant to continue to share her expensive products with her.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by being upset with my brother's girlfriend (soon fiancée) for not bringing her own sanitary supplies every time she visits?"
The OP had to use special feminine products due to health problems.
"I (22 Female) use a specific pad due to sensory issues, flow weight, and allergies."
"They are relatively hard to get in my area, and can get pricey very quickly."
"I don't mind sharing, usually, because you know, that's what's nice and kind to do, but I've got an odd situation, and I wanna make sure I'm not overreacting."
The OP was never very happy to see one of her brothers.
"I live with one of my siblings. I actually dislike one of my brothers (24 Male) who comes around, but my sibling likes them, and because the brother used to live with us, he just randomly drops by like he never left in the first place."
"I never actually invite him over... and he never warns us he's coming, either, much less that he's bringing his girlfriend (24 Female) with him."
"My brother brings his girlfriend over relatively often. EVERY TIME she is here, she somehow forgets to bring her own sanitary supplies and uses mine."
"And it sounds like a dumb problem to most people... but she'll stay at a hotel over the weekend, conveniently forget hers, and ask to borrow mine."
"Again, I'd be fine if it were only one weekend or she was only borrowing a few. But it isn't only one weekend, and she isn't borrowing just a few."
"Again, keep in mind my particular type of pad is relatively hard to get and on the more pricey side."
The OP felt conflicted about the situation.
"Am I overreacting? She has a regular period, so it's not like it springs up on her, and even though I've sort of tried to point out the issue going the roundabout way (like asking what type of pads she uses, etc), she somehow still 'forgets'. Every. Single. Time."
"And again, I wouldn't be upset if it were a few... but she's gone through three boxes now, and she goes through them extremely quickly."
"She also doesn't tell me when she uses all of them, so I get caught unprepared, and because of the issues of getting more of them, I can't tolerate using other brands even in a pinch, which puts me in a lot of trouble."
"I'm scared that if I get upset or challenge her on it, my family will be upset and say I'm overreacting, especially since she will likely be family soon (it sounds like they plan to get engaged in the spring), so am I wrong about this?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some were suspicious about how much the brother's girlfriend was taking advantage of the OP.
"You said she does this every single time she comes over? What, does her period never end?? Simple solution: when she asks, just say you're out. Every single time!" - CompanyAdmirable7811
"She's clearly only marrying the brother to get free tampons. What a gold-digging b***h! Thank god we put the pieces together before the wedding. This kind of thing really shakes your faith in humanity." - reddituserperson1122
"I think she's packing them to take home for when she actually gets her period." - tulip0523
"It just sounds like she's stealing them from OP so she doesn't have to buy any. NOR." - holiestcannoly
"The thing is that the girlfriend is not OP's guest."
"She shouldn't have to worry about whether her brother is comfortable or not with it. His girlfriend, his problem."
"Also, any guy who has issues with buying feminine products for their partner is a f**king loser, and she probably shouldn't marry him anyway. And it certainly makes it clearer why the OP doesn't like him." - eggsaladactyl
"Any chance she's hoarding them because they're a premium product that she doesn't want to pay for? How can she NEVER be prepared? That's wild."
"I agree with everyone else who said to hide yours and stock the bathroom with regular products. But it should be a household expense, like toilet paper. You're not using them, so you shouldn't have to be the one paying for them." - Fweenci
"NOR. I would hide them and then claim to be out next time she asks, maybe even alluding to someone ('SOMEONE') using them all last time if I was feeling like drawing a hard line in the sand that day." - squidvicious_69
"All the people saying to buy cheap pads for her but I, in all my grace, could not fathom buying something for a capable grown woman who'd just gone months taking my s**t. OP should just say she switched to using the cup because restocking pads was too expensive, and then actually just hide her stuff." - Baffa99
Others gave the OP advice about what to do during the brother's unexpected visits.
"OP could purchase a box of the cheap kind from the discount store. Then when the princess doesn't know how to prepare for her monthly body function, she'll have something available to her, and OP doesn't have to worry about looking stingy, even though it is her right to say no without explanation."
"OP, lock up your products. If your brother's girlfriend starts getting cheap substitutes, she may stop asking for your expensive resource."
"Not sure if she is too cheap and inept to take care of herself properly, if this is some weird power move on her part, or if she is just clueless as to the cost of the brand that you use. Doesn't matter. You have every right to stop subsidizing her monthly bodily functions."
"NOR." - Scorp128
"I feel like she's stocking up her home on your dime. Maybe leave some inexpensive lightweight pads in the bathroom and secure your good ones in your bedroom?" - WildBlue2525Potato
"I'd just tell her that you're out when she demands them. Hide them so she can't find them on her own in your cabinets. Or say you switched to reusables. Or actually switch to reusables."
"I personally still keep disposable stuff around to use alongside the reusables, but boneheaded girlfriend wouldn't need to know that about OP." - ManiacalShen
"Can you keep your pads in a bedroom drawer during the rest of the month? Buy some inexpensive pads for any guests and leave them in a basket in the bathroom." - Suspicious-Web-4970
"Look, I keep pads and tampons in my bathroom for guests. I had a hysterectomy a couple of years ago, so as a woman, I understand the need to keep them on hand."
"Nothing wrong with being prepped for guests. This particular guest seems to love to take advantage. A box of Great Value pads may make her get her own gear." - 50_hour_weeks
"Hide your pads and tell her that you are out, and she will have to buy her own. If she is in need, I doubt you will have to do this more than two or three times."
"She can use toilet paper until she gets to the store, or she can send your brother to buy some."
"I'm sure the second time she asks him to buy them, he will make a big deal about it and tell her to remember to pack her own. NOR." - Fubar_As_Usual
"NOR, but in your shoes, I would do as the other posters suggest. Buy a pack of 'regular' pads for five dollars and keep yours in your bedroom."
"Do you have to do that? No, of course not. But five dollars will solve this issue if you don't want a whole big dramatic confrontation, you know?" - RedDress999
The OP was relieved by the feedback she received.
"Thank you, everyone! Somehow, the idea to keep them hidden in my room didn't occur to me. I appreciate everyone's help and advice!"
The subReddit was frustrated on the OP's behalf, not understanding how her future sister-in-law could possibly show up at her house, consistently, on her period without products in hand.
Since she and her future husband had a funny habit of showing up unannounced, she should probably get in the habit of bringing her own products, just in case the OP decided not to have them in stock for her anymore.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp