During a normal menstrual cycle, bleeding typically occurs for 3 to 7 days. Anyone who is going to cohabitate with someone who menstruates should probably get over whatever hangups they have about a standard biological function.
It's going to happen regardless of whether people are squeamish about it or not.
A daughter turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after her father denied her teenage sister access to menstrual products as punishment.
Extension-Moose-67 asked:
"AITA for buying my little sister pads?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I can’t believe i’m even here, but i’m getting a lot of backlash. I (27, female) have a little sister (16) Mona."
For relevance, i moved out 6 years ago and have been low/no contact with our father and my stepmom (Mona’s mom). As a result, they limit my contact with Mona, but she’s knows she can always call me if she needs me."
"Now on to the issue, Mona was on her cycle and in a lot of pain and needed pads, so she asked our dad to get her some on his way home, and he refused because 'he’s a man' and all that ignorance. Mona got upset and called him dumb, and he said he was going to, but since she has an attitude, he won’t."
"So she called her mom, and she also refused. Might I add i hate her but that’s a whole other story."
"Our sister Claire (21) says she’s staying out of it. So Mona calls me, and I go puff her some with no hesitation, along with snacks and medicine."
"Now i’m getting calls and text from my dad's side of the family saying i shouldn’t have undermined him as a parent and rewarded Mona for being disrespectful. I’m starting to second-guess myself."
Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was
"Any functioning adult who thinks denying a child menstrual products is an appropriate punishment needs their head examined and their access to children evaluated. Your father, your stepmother, and his family are all massive a**holes. NTA, OP." ~ MohawMais
"Pads are not a reward. They are a necessity. A teenage girl whose family won't get her pads is being neglected. You did the right thing. All of the other adults in this story are making terrible choices. NTA." ~ 14linesonnet
"Neglected, she was on her period and in pain and didn't even get pads, let alone medicine for the pain? That's abuse in my book. Like you say, pads are a necessity, it's good this kid has OP to help her." ~ LisaCabot
"This! So much this! She was outright neglected by both parents and her other sister. Pads aren't a treat for being polite, not having them is unsanitary. They are a necessity. If she had bled through on something, was the father gonna yell at her, tell her she should have waited to have her period until she had what she n needed?" ~ catsknowtoomuch
"Maybe if she had bled on her parent’s bed sheets they’d have gotten a clue." ~ logical-sanity
"I mean, good chance he is one of those men who think it can just be held in until a more convenient time." ~ LittlehouseonTHELAND
"That’s not just neglect, that’s denying someone necessities." ~ Eccentric_Genius
"You’re 100% right that it’s abuse. Menstrual health is considered a fundamental human right. If a mandated reporter found out about this, they’d call CPS." ~ ll98105
"Since he thinks they aren't a necessity, it is time to play along with that. Free bleed all over his couch until he starts advocating for them being a necessity. Don't forget to buy a skirt first, wouldn't want to ruin your clothes." ~ zangetsuthefirst
"No, seriously, because that's not a comfort item. It's a necessity in the same way having clothes on your back is. I think it's abusive to make it conditional like that, to maintain a certain attitude (mind you, she wasn't even wrong) over getting period products like pads. Shame on everyone in the family besides OP." ~ PhilosophyUnique9491
"Exactly. You wouldn't take away your child's toilet paper as a punishment. And what exactly is mom or dad going to do when she gets blood on their furniture?"
"Sister is right. Her parents are f*cking morons. OP if they do this again, call CPS." ~ MermaiderMissy
"I’m male. Any REAL man would have gone out of his way to provide such things as needed. He has a male appendage, and is one as well." ~ Correct_Advantage_20
"Exactly! My husband has never hesitated once in picking up necessities for me or our daughters! My girls had no qualms about asking dad to pick up some for them before he came home when he worked at the store." ~ cgodwin1976
"My husband regularly picks this stuff up for me and if he's not sure what I need, he will gasp ask someone for help. It's usually accompanied by some form of treat and pain relief, just in case." ~ Medical_Syllabub_148
"Right?? My dad would pick up pads when any of us needed them and that was nearly 50 years ago when some men (like this dad) would have actually teased him." ~ CoffeeKat66
"Since dad obviously thinks pads are a reward, I would buy him some for Father’s Day, Christmas and his anniversary. Problem solved, right?" ~ Silent-System4382
"I agree, that's like denying medication to someone who is sick. The fake macho BS is ridiculous. I bought my daughter feminine products whenever she needed them and I'm no different than most dads." ~ Emotional-Tree-8935
"Terrible choices? They're Terrible people. OP, they are awful. That's really ridiculous! Thank you for being the one your sister can count on! NTA, but they are!" ~ CommercialExotic2038
"Obviously NTA. Menstrual products aren’t a reward or a privilege, they’re a basic f*cking need. Your dad and stepmother suck. Thanks for being there for your sister." ~ Socksgonewrong
"NTA one bit. Ask your dad's side of the family would they rather a child sit in pain soaked in her own blood because a grown man is so immature that he cannot deal with period products because they're icky?"
"Refusing to get her basic hygiene products is flat out abusive, plain and simple. How does his side of the family even know about this? Did he vent to them that he refused to buy pads for his daughter and they all just like, agreed with him?" ~ Hermiona1
"I couldn't ever imagine a scenario where a family member would tell me they refused to buy sanitary products for their daughter because she was acting entitled, so her sister had to get the stuff, and my immediate thought being 'I need to go berate the sister RIGHT NOW, the father is in the right' and not 'you're actually an awful parent, I'm now going to lay into YOU for an hour about why'." ~ serpentmoonabz
"Op should say something along the lines of, 'Oh and you think, MONA was disrespectful, let me tell you a few paragraphs about what a terrible, childish father YOU are so you can see what real disrespect looks like'.” ~ myssi24
"You were being a good sister... A good HUMAN. What was the alternative? She bleed all over their furniture?" ~ elsarah
"Your dad is an a**. Your sister needed personal items and you got them for her. I understand why you are low contact with him and his wife." ~ Sweaty_Technician_90
"Undermined him? What kind of sick f*ck are we talking about here, who thinks period products aren't a requirement?! Is she just supposed to bleed on/through everything? NTA." ~ m00nbeamer
"NTA. You can't 'undermine him as a parent' when he's barely acting like a parent at all. What was she supposed to do? Bleed onto the furniture and ruin upholstery and her clothes?"
"The only response his family should get is 'Sanitary items are not a reward. They are necessities. Maybe if he provided those necessities and did his job as a parent, he wouldn't feel undermined'." ~ Panaccolade
"Let's review. Your kid sister was in need of medical supplies. Her dad refused to get them because he's too manly, but oh, he was only kidding and was totally going to get them, except she sassed him, so now he won't. Sure dad, sure."
"Her mom refused to get them because....? Your other sister refused to get them because she knew your dad would be mad at her for 'undermining' him. So you bought them."
"What the heck is wrong with the women in your family? I'm used to men being idiotic about periods, but why didn't her mom have her back? And is your dad so abusive that your other sister is scared of angering him? NTA." ~ Sweet_Baby_Grogu
"NTA. Don't question your kindness. You did the right thing. Can't say that for the other adults in her life. Thanks for being there for your sister." ~ Quicherbichen1
OP decided providing menstrual products to her sister was more important than whatever lesson her father was trying to teach by denying her access to them.
Why anyone opposes that is baffling.
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