Living with a significant other can be wonderful and difficult.
Splitting the house chores and responsibilities isn’t always a peaceful process.
And certain habits don’t go over well.
Everyone has quirks.
But some behaviors may be a step too far to deal with.
Redditor Unhappy-Rip2602 wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for asking my fiancée to cover up her feminine products?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Posted from a burner account, as my fiancée is an occasional Reddit user.”
“I a (32-year-old man) have been living with my fiancée (27-year-old woman) for the better part of a year.”
“Overall, cohabitating has gone incredibly well.”
“We’re both meticulous with our chores, and we generally communicate better than most couples that we know.”
“However, we’ve lately had a disagreement that’s difficult to settle.”
“My fiancée leaves her used period products at the top of open trashcans in bathrooms that guests use, and she does not like that I ask her to cover the discarded products.”
“I am not generally grossed out by the menstrual cycle or by blood.”
“I worked in healthcare for most of my 20s, I’ll pick up pads or tampons for my fiancée without feeling awkward, and this may be too much information, but I’m not opposed to period sex.”
“It just doesn’t phase me.”
“However, neither I nor our occasional guests should expect to see blood-soaked tampons complete with clots every time that we use the bathroom.”
“It’s jarring, seeing the bloody scene in an otherwise clean bathroom without warning.”
“I’ve tried to come up with minimally invasive solutions, such as my fiancée wrapping her products in toilet paper before discarding them (as past partners have done), or even purchasing a closed-top trashcan.”
“My fiancée firmly rejects both of these plans, saying that, if she has to go through the monthly ordeal, I (and by extension our guests) shouldn’t get to complain about having to see the aftermath.”
“I’m sympathetic to her experiences, but at the same time, her response feels retributive.”
“On one recent occasion, when guests were coming over for a game night, I pulled some extra toilet paper and gently laid it on top of the trash, covering the bloody products before they arrived.”
“My fiancée noticed this, and confronted me after the guests left, accusing me of being ashamed of her and of going against what we had previously discussed.”
“Taking a step back: this shows that she is intentional about the visible products, enough so that she checked to see if they were still in place.”
“At this point, it feels spiteful.”
“What would you folks suggest that I do in this situation?”
“Even an intervention that requires no effort on her part, the closed-top trashcan, was rejected with prejudice.”
“I love my fiancée, but what could have been a small discussion is becoming a mountain of conflict.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“NTA. Gross talk incoming…”
“As a woman, I believe women should not be shamed by having a period.”
“But… I akin disposal of my period products to disposal of, say, the contents of used toilet paper.”
“I would not wish to leave dirty used toilet paper in my waste basket to be seen by the next bathroom user.”
“No one wants to see my wad of poo-or-pee paper.”
“But I can flush my toilet paper.”
“Problem solved.”
“I feel the same way about my period products.”
“It’s used, it’s dirty, it has an odor.”
“Some people are indeed grossed out by it – even if it’s a natural normal part of a woman’s life.”
“Heck, even I’m a little grossed out by my period, and I’ve been having one for 30+ years at this point (good god!).”
“Even in my own bathroom that I don’t share with people I cover my products when I toss them.”
“I either wrap them in the new products’ wrapper or use a bit of toilet paper.”
“And yes, that she ‘noticed’ that you covered the products shows she understands that leaving them uncovered is a problem for you or others, and she seems like she’s willfully not covering them for some reason, which is weird.” ~ wanderingstorm
“Exactly.”
“I’m a menstruating woman, that isn’t ashamed or embarrassed of my period.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s socially acceptable to leave my bodily fluids visible to other members of the household and guests. “
“This is the same thing as leaving poop-covered toilet paper uncovered in the trashcan and then watching to make sure no one covers it up.”
“It’s a bit unhinged.” ~ chaosisapony
“NTA. Your fiancée is a nasty feral with no respect for others.”
“That’s like leaving out s**t, puss-covered bandages, urine, or snotty tissues.”
“No one wants to see any sort of bodily fluid anywhere.”
“That being said, start pissing on the floor, the seat, etc, and leave for her.”
“When she complains tell her she shouldn’t be shaming you for having bodily fluids.” ~ EastPirate6505
“The title is deceptive.”
“You’re not asking her to cover up her feminine products. You’re asking her to cover up her human waste.”
“There’s a huge distinction between the two.”
“As a woman, I have always wrapped my waste before discarding it.”
“I don’t want to see (or smell!!) the clots in the garbage, no one else should have to either.”
“Just ewww. So much ewww.”
“NTA. Your wife is weird.”
“The least she can do is concede to a closed (or swivel) top garbage can.” ~ DenizenKay
“Yeah, I’m a lady who’s not ashamed of any of my bodily functions, but I don’t leave fluids lying around out in the open.”
“I’m not ashamed that I poop either, but I still flush the toilet. “
“This is not about shame, it’s hygiene. NTA.” ~ DrMoneybeard
“I came in ready to say YTA based on the title but no, you’re definitely NTA.”
“She just throws the pads and tampons without covering them with toilet paper or the wrapper??”
“Who does that?”
“And the way she refuses to compromise by having a closed-lid trashcan?”
“Why? Why does she insist on exposing people to her menstrual waste?”
“Is it cause she wants more attention when on her period, and having the used products clearly visible in the trash, in her mind, makes that more likely to happen?”
“Is it that she feels generally uncomfortable both physically and mentally when on her period and thus wants everyone to also be uncomfortable emotionally to help herself cope?”
“Every menstruating person I know (and myself) either wraps used pads/tampons with the wrapper of the new one or with toilet paper, and it’s not a matter of shame but rather hygiene and respect (cause people don’t usually want to see bloody products unexpectedly).”
“I don’t understand her reasoning here.” ~ AmJustLurking96
“She is being unreasonable.”
“No guest should be seeing blood in your home, period.”
“It’s unhygienic and uncomfortable.”
“I have a period.”
“I have no interest in seeing or smelling the blood/uterine lining of other women. It’s expelled from the body for a reason.”
“It’s waste.”
“It should not be stigmatized any more than any other type of bodily waste but, again, it’s still waste and needs to be treated as such.” ~ ThrowRA3710
“NTA it’s basic hygiene lol, if you left poop-covered toilet paper exposed on the top of the garbage would it not be a problem?”
“I haven’t met someone who didn’t know/learn to wrap up the used products.” ~ chaenukyun
“NTA. I’m a woman in my 50s who has had my period since age 13.”
‘I would never intentionally leave my used feminine products out in the open like that, just like I would never leave toilets unflushed after I use them.”
“It is basic respect to wrap up used feminine products in toilet tissue or bags before disposing them in the bin.” ~ OkCopy8361
“NTA. Time to get a dog!”
“The first time the dog chews up her bloody tampon and leaves the pieces all over the house, she’ll be on board with a covered trash can.”
“No, not really, that’s a terrible reason to get a dog.”
“What I’d actually suggest is getting to the bottom of why she’s so adamant that you see her used menstrual products.”
“It’s normal to not want to be bothered with hiding them, but not normal to be so opposed to having them covered up by someone else.”
“Stop gap solution: you suddenly develop allergies and need to use a lot of Kleenex.” ~ MrsWeasley9
“NTA… she is not getting shamed for having a period in any way or form but it is almost like she WANTS to have her bloody trash on display for everyone to see.”
“To be honest the smell alone is totally off-putting, so a trashcan with a lid and good-smelling trash bag just makes it better for everyone around.”
“What your fiance does is gross and a very weird hill for her to die on.”
“Personally I would not accept this from her.” ~ LadyWiezeI
“How does she know a guest didn’t just gross out and cover the waste in the can on their own?”
“If I saw that mess in someone else’s house(as a guest), I’d cover that up myself.”
“I mean, Jesus Chr**t. That’s gross.”
“You’re NTA.” ~ mrsroperscaftan
“NTA. I wrap mine in toilet paper, and I live alone because who wants to see that?”
“I’m not ashamed of having a period at all, but essentially leaving out blood-soaked clothes is gross.” ~ HoneyDewYouLuhMe
“NTA. This is categorically not an unreasonable request, and honestly, I don’t understand why she’s being so weird about it, particularly in front of guests.”
“This is not being ashamed of her.” ~ NoComplex555
“NTA. As a woman (30 F) I think it’s frankly gross to subject guests in your home to a biohazard.”
“You wouldn’t poop and then not flush so that everyone had to see how difficult your most recent bowel movement was?”
“Yes, periods suck, some more than others.”
“You don’t have to make others see it for them to know that.”
“I don’t want to see other women’s period blood on purpose.” ~ DegreeIndividual8353
“NTA. If I cut my finger and had bloody paper from it, I would cover it if guests were coming.”
“It could make them uncomfortable and my goal is to have anyone in my home feel as comfortable as possible.” ~ OhmsWay-71
Reddit is with you loud and clear, OP.
Your fiancée has a problem.
There is nothing wrong with a menstrual cycle, but there is no reason to leave bloody pads on display.
An intervention sounds like a good idea.
Good luck.