Everyone has a personal list of actions that would be relationship goals or relationship deal breakers, and sometimes the items on our list differ from someone else’s.
But in 2024, we should all be able to agree that someone who refuses to help their partner get something medically related, like pain medicine or period products, is a walking red flag, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Acrobatic_Cup3962 needed more period products and when she reached out to her boyfriend, she was surprised when he gave her a resounding no to picking them up for her.
But when she found out that he didn’t want to buy them out of embarrassment, the Original Poster (OP) immediately second-guessed their relationship.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for ending things after he refused to buy me tampons?”
The OP had a lot to do before going over to her boyfriend’s place.
“I (27 Female) had Friday night date plans with my (28 Male) boyfriend.”
“There were a few things I needed to do before driving the 35 minutes to his place to have our date (dinner and movie). I had just got off of work and needed to shower, care for my pet, pack for the night, and clean a bit before heading out.”
“Right before my shift ended, I got my period (yay), and with that came super bad cramps, back pain, headache, and all the fun period feelings that I didn’t expect, so I planned to head a nearby store that’s close to his place to grab tampons and some period pads.”
Her boyfriend offered to help her until he found out what he’d be helping with.
“Right before I showered, I got an ETA (Estimated Time of Arrival) call from him.”
“I told him the time he should expect me and gave him a heads-up that I wasn’t feeling too well.”
“He offered sympathy and then asked if there was anything he could do to help me.”
“I hesitated before I answered, because in the past he’s asked, l have answered, and nothing came of it. But I decided to just give it a shot and asked if he could run to the store since it was only about a two-minute drive from his place to grab the items for me.”
“I said, ‘I can send you the exact products I need,’ which was just three things and that I would also Venmo him.”
“He chuckled and said, ‘Yeah no, we can just go together to grab those things.'”
“I was shocked and stated, ‘That would just be a waste. I’ll just run there myself.'”
Her boyfriend’s reaction turned out to be a deal breaker for the OP.
“Sometime later, I finished my tasks, ran to the store, grabbed my period products, and headed to his place.”
“It was once we were sitting down later that I asked him, ‘Why didn’t you wanna grab the items for me after you asked if you could help me?'”
“He answered, ‘I’m not going to embarrass myself. We could have grabbed it together. Besides, I didn’t wanna get up; I was in the middle of a game.'”
“After hearing this, I ended things on the spot and left.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some argued that the OP’s boyfriend didn’t need to be in a relationship with that attitude.
“NTA. My general opinion is if your partner isn’t willing to help you with your crotch when you need it, they don’t get access to said crotch.” – Naive_Possibility668
“NTA.”
“My husband is happy to get my supplies. He gets a little cocky at times hilariously sassing “Time to remind Walgreens I’ve got a sexy wife at home.’ I’m glad you know you deserve better, OP!” – adchick
“NTA. This dude needs to find his Big Boy Pants.”
“Life’s too short to waste it on dudes who won’t ’embarrass’ themselves by buying you necessities.”
“Signed, a dude.” – cleon42
“He’s 28 and embarrassed by buying feminine products?”
“He can’t be bothered to get up in the middle of a game, after asking how he could help?”
“NTA. You can do a LOT better than that.” – baked_danger
“NTA. My husband used to (and still does) get all my period products, cravings, and heats up a towel. Sure, at first he’d call me because he was very confused about what kind to get, but he was never embarrassed, and he said if we one day have a daughter, he doesn’t want her to be embarrassed to ask him to help her, either.”
“At 28, he’s grown enough to know menstruation is a normal thing and no guy is sitting there snickering over another man taking care of his partner.” – steph_panameno
“NTA. My husband knows the exact brands I use, what size pads I use, and will FaceTime me to ask for substitutions if the store doesn’t have what I need.”
“If he f**king wanted to, HE WOULD.” – sweethereaftertime
“Men who get embarrassed by this sort of stuff always give off a hard insecurity vibe to me.”
“Years ago when I first started dating my now husband I remember we were leaving a group hangout and I asked him if he could grab my purse sitting near him since my hands were full.”
“He threw it on his shoulder and started saying bye to everyone, and I remember someone commenting about how he was wearing it instead of carrying it. He just shrugged and said, ‘This is how it’s meant to be carried, yeah?’ and could not give less of a d**n.”
“I looked at this big muscular guy with this delicate little purse dangling off his shoulder and not an ounce of insecurity about it and knew I’d be marrying him someday.”
“Just the other day while we were leaving a restaurant he helped grab his mom’s bag the same way as she was trying to get out of the booth and it still made me smile.” – phuckettallthedays
Others agreed and pointed out that the OP’s ex-boyfriend had given her a fake offer to help.
“NTA. And he said he was in the middle of a game to boot; he never intended to help you. You’re not being a drama queen, you’re being pragmatic. Good on you for knowing your worth.” – SnarkSupreme
“NTA. Especially since it’s a pattern. Sounds like he wants credit for asking but doesn’t want to actually have to do anything.” – Best_Stressed1
“NTA. You’ve stated he’s asked you before if he could help and you’ve told him what you needed and he did nothing. Clearly, he’s showing you that his offer to help is just for show.”
“What’s funny is if you posted about wanting to leave your husband of 10 years because he never lifts a finger to help because he won’t turn off the video games and is still embarrassed to buy you tampons, everyone would be ripping you a new one, telling you that you knew who he was before you married him. They’d be telling you it’s your fault for not seeing the signs before you got married.”
“Fortunately for you, you saw the signs and acted on it. NTA.” – Face-Designer
“His offer to help wasn’t genuine. He just wanted to watch the game. He morphed it into ‘let’s just go together,’ I’m sure knowing that you would just stop on his way.”
“He’s shown he is lazy, inconsiderate & juvenile. You can totally end it if you want. I’d certainly be very upset and troubled by this and his response to my upset would inform my decisions.”
“Ultimately, if he just had a stupid night and you were a bit pre-emptive, it wouldn’t end the relationship. I’ve had a night where my partner got really upset and said it’s over, and the next day, we talked, and I apologized.”
“Nobody is perfect but caring about upsetting someone is a pretty basic human skill. NTA for ending things, and it’s on him if this breakup is permanent.” – Adventurous-Ad8709
“A man in a store buying feminine hygiene products is not an embarrassment, it’s an indicator to everyone looking that he’s in a relationship with a woman he cares about (girlfriend, wife, daughter, mother, friend, etc) and he’s a mature adult familiar with normal body functions.”
“Some guys get it, some guys get it mentally but never follow through with action, and some guys are immature boys about it. You were right to break up with him, this usually isn’t fixable.” – redditreader_aitafan
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“It was amazing to read through all of your stories, advice, and comments. There are a lot of amazing husbands, dads, brothers, wives, sisters, and friends out there in the comments that have truly made me look at all of this in a different light, and a really good light. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
The subReddit couldn’t stop rolling their eyes at this guy who was embarrassed by feminine products and who made empty offers to help while fully knowing he wouldn’t be helping at all.
After all, if he wasn’t willing to go to the store for necessary period products simply because he didn’t want to “embarrass himself,” what other, more serious things would he refuse to help her with in the future?