We can’t be held responsible for what our families do, but it is up to us to decide what relationships we want to have with them.
Redditor Affectionate-Move323 encountered this very issue with their brother. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
They asked:
“AITA for not wanting my Nazi brother over all of the time?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“When my brother was in middle school he had a WW2 phase.”
“I did as well so whenever he told me about it I never thought anything about it was weird. He mentioned that he went through a ‘Nazi phase’ but that he now realized that was wrong.”
“Years later my brother is a felon, in and out of jail a few times, done some shady stuff, got addicted to narcotics, etc.”
“Recently he’s been on the right side of the law and off of the hardcore drugs but he still struggles with drinking.”
“A few days ago my brother let it slip that he was still a Nazi. I thought he was joking since he has that kind of messed up humor but he was being serious. He talked about how he believed he was superior to other races and how Nazism is the way to go.”
“Rightfully, in my opinion, I did not want to hang around him anymore. It’s one thing to see the error of your ways and reform it’s another to still be a f*cking Nazi.”
“My mom disagrees because he recently lost his job and him coming over is the only way he won’t go back to drinking. Based on his past actions this feels very manipulative towards my mom who he’s tried to get money out of constantly.”
“But, he also is actually an alcoholic trying to get off of drinking so it could be genuine.”
“The easiest solution is to leave when he’s here but he is here all of the time. Everyday he comes around 8 or 9 and leaves at 4 or 5. On weekdays I can go to my college campus but I’m stuck on weekends. I don’t know, the situation feels confusing.”
“AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Fuck Nazis. I feel bad for you though. My brother and I are really close. Couldn’t imagine my brother being like that. Virtual hugs, OP.” ~ GitPullDie
“I know a large number of alcoholics in recovery and none of them need to be a damned nazi to stay sober. That’s a bunch of enabling bull shit.” ~ JuryNo7670
“I get your sentiment but ultimately no one is responsible for his actions but himself.” ~ Okivy420
“An alcoholic, substance abusing nazi, and has been in and out of jail who thinks that HE is a superior race. Just when I thought that all of the younger generation was ‘woke’ you have officially changed my mind!” ~ Theunpolitical
“This dude needs to think that his race makes him superior, because his life is an absolute mess and that’s all he has. Yikes.” ~ raptorrage
“NTA.”
“This is such an unfortunate situation. I understand why you need to distance yourself from him. He is a self-proclaimed Nazi. Why would you want to cohabitate with a white supremacist?”
“You are making a rational and healthy choice for yourself, but I can see where your mother may be emotionally divided since he is also her child.”
“A mother’s love is unconditional, so the only way you’re going to get that space you desire is to perhaps seek other arrangements discreetly.”
“Perhaps you could see if anyone on campus is looking for a roommate, or even better you could apply to be an R.A. at the dorms. Free room and you get paid.” ~ PinkPearlLady
“My campus is very small so we don’t have dorms but we do have student housing. I will be looking into applying for it with everything going on. Thank you!” ~ Affectionate-Move323
OP doesn’t need to live with a Nazi.
“How can he think he’s superior to anyone when he’s an unemployed felon with substance abuse issues? Like what could he possibly add to the gene pool that would in any way benefit humanity? Pretending he’s better because he’s white is literally all he’s got, which TBH is just pathetic.”
“NTA” ~ AccessibleBeige
“Yeah if being the superior race involves having your life in shambles, I think I’d rather stay brown lmao.” ~ Nota_Realname
“Like most racists, he probably is convinced that some group or another is responsible for his demise, or has been receiving undue privileges to advance in life more than him, or some crap like that.”
“Anything to fit their worldview, and they’re indoctrinated to think that way. Look at how many of them talk about invasion of their country by minorities and want to ‘reclaim’ what’s theirs.”
“Half of their belief is that anything that goes wrong for them is actually them being robbed of what they’re owed.” ~ ladyteruki
“NTA”
“Perhaps give him a reality check? I know this is not the ‘correct’ way to refute nazism, but at some point you have to ask “If you are so ‘superior’, why are you….”
“Granted, it won’t get you anywhere, but I’ve always been curious how they rationalize being superior when there is definitely a trend with Nazis (at least in America), and being society’s ‘best and brightest’ is certainly not part of that trend.”
“On a more serious note, ‘curing’ alcoholism (along with any addiction) does have a higher chance of success with social support. It’s possible that this is more ‘healthy’ for your brother, but it sounds like it is more unhealthy for you.”
“That being said, given that you are living with your mother (I’m assuming in her house), it does boil down to ‘her house, her rules.'”
“That doesn’t mean you have to suck it up and bear it, you can express your feelings or avoid your brother as you have been doing or move out or etc.; however, there isn’t much you can do on what I’m guessing would be the biggest ‘remedy’ (i.e., not have your brother around as much).” ~ Judgemental_Panda
OP needs to set her boundaries.