While some people are forced into certain diets, owing to allergies or health issues, others choose to adapt to a specific eating lifestyle.
This could be in an effort to be mindful of their own health, out of consideration to animals and the environment, or simply because they like and don’t like certain foods.
As this is their choice, we shouldn’t judge or even have an opinion of what they chose to eat and not to eat.
Nor should they try to forcefully inflict their diet on others.
Redditor JamaicanMeHappy771 was facing this problem with her fiancé, who recently adapted a very strict diet which he slowly began trying to enforce on his family.
But a baseless accusation resulted in the original poster (OP) snapping at him, while also offering a suggestion as to how he could handle the situation going forward.
Worried that she let her temper get too out of control, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my fiancé that he will cook his dinner from now on and that he can’t inflict his new lifestyle change on us?”
The OP first explained the rather sad reasons why her husband adapted his strict new diet, and how it went from being something she and their kids initially stood by, to something they slowly began to resent.
“My fiancé (36 m[ale]) I’m(33 F[emale]) of four years, together for six.”
“Both have a child, (12,16) from a previous relationship.”
“He recently had a health scare, diagnosed with prediabetes.”
“Father died from diabetic complications a few years ago, therefore he went vegan like a year ago.”
“Our family has fully supported his change.”
“We even bought another fridge to keep his food in.”
“He now tries to inflict his lifestyle on us.”
“It’s not like we haven’t tried any of his meals before, it’s just not our choice.”
“Anytime now we eat something he disagrees with; he goes into this lecture about how it’s not good for your body and what it consists of and what we need to change.”
“I’m talking about literally every time.”
“I’ve tried to be understanding because he’s dealing with something that took his father.”
“But every time?”
“Imagine you’re about to eat a delicious piece of chocolate cake, I kid you not he will go into how many calories you’re about to eat and what it’s going to do your body, especially when it’s dealing with something sugary!”
“A nice juicy steak?”
“‘Red meat is the Devil’.’
“A piece of fried chicken?”
“‘Grease is going to seep out of your pores’.”
“Our kids avoid being around him now when they’re about to eat a snack of some sort’.”
“I’ve tried to talk to him about how he’s making everyone uncomfortable in the house to eat around him, but he brushes it off and calls it a ‘guilty meat eater complaint’.”
“Said if we were eating right, we wouldn’t feel guilty about what he says.”
But things with the OP’s fiancé went from being passive aggressive, to downright unsettling, even leading to some acrimony between them.
“For the last couple of months, he’s been, I don’t know, paranoid, if you want to call it.”
“He thinks someone is messing with his food.”
“Claims that it tastes funny.”
“Accused me or one of the kids of touching the settings on it, which is possible, but I highly doubt it’s happened, since neither of our kids are vegan.”
“He and I are the only that goes in and out the fridge the most.”
“The only time they even go in the fridge is if one of us asks them to hand us something out of it.”
“A few nights ago, I cooked dinner as usual.”
“\Only this time I was accused of contaminating his food with meat drippings.”
“I was accused of trying to revert him back to a meat eater.”
“That I was endangering his health.”
“He demanded to know what skillets I used. I’ve always cooked our meals in different pots and pans, just to avoid a situation of such.”
“I have a sister that’s vegan so it’s not my first rodeo.”
“Tired of the accusations I told him from now on he can cook his own dinner.”
“That I’m tired of him trying to inflict his lifestyle on us.”
“That just because he changed his eating lifestyle, doesn’t mean he gets to force it on us.”
“He told me that I was being selfish.”
“That I was unsupportive and that I want to see him fail! I told him that’s not true, but if he was going to act this way, then its best he cooks his own food and I’m not budging on the matter.”
“He’s been sleeping on the couch since, refusing to talk to me.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole for telling her husband to cook his own dinner.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s fiancé overreacted, but some felt that he might be suffering from something much more serious.
“NTA at all but I would be very worried about his mental health.”- HollasForADollas
“By the sounds of it, he’s headed towards a mental breakdown or is in a heightened state of paranoia.”
“Accusing someone of tampering with their food isn’t a common thing to say to someone.”
“I would suggest he sees a doctor.”
“Make sure he’s getting all the nutrition he needs from his vegan food and that he’s not acting this way because something in his body is not functioning properly due to his diet.”
“Also… A psychologist seems a good idea as well.”
“Maybe this paranoia is caused my some underlying emotional issue he’s not talking about and this is how it’s coming out.”
“All in all it sounds like he needs the kind of help which you aren’t able to provide.”- Infinite-Ask9177
“Your fiancé has an eating disorder.”
“Veganism is a perfectly acceptable dietary choice, but his obsession with shaming you for eating calories or meat is not healthy.”
“If he continues like this one of your kids may end up with an eating disorder as well.”
“He desperately needs therapy.”- CephalopodSpy
“You’ve been cooking separate meals for a grown adult who then berates you and claims you didn’t do it right.”
“Nope. Nope. Nope.”- warrinerdot
“NTA – but he sounds like there is something more than just being a hyper judgmental vegan.”
“That would be annoying enough, but the accusations and freaking out is… Not normal.”- peithecelt
“NTA but there was a story similar to this a while back about a husband whose wife became vegan after moving to a new workplace and after a while started showing signs of paranoia, anxiety, depression and aggression that turned out largely to be because of a B12 and vitamin D deficiency caused by the vegan diet that just required supplements.”
“Maybe suggest be go get a blood test and his vitamin D and B12 checked as it can drastically affect moods.”-Beautifuldaystocome
“NTA there are some high level mental health issues going on with him.”
“His behavior – obsessing over food, paranoia, aggressive about what others are eating, shame talk – all big red flags.”
“Discuss him seeing someone.”
“Also, get the kids someone to talk to ASAP even if he refuses help.”
“This is already impacting the kids as evidenced by hiding while eating.”
“Bring this up to him, hopefully he gets a glimmer of an idea that he’s ‘lost the plot’.”- Cupcake2die4
“I’m pre-diabetic myself.”
“It’s a growing trend in the US because of our general bad health habits.”
“In 2019, 96 million Americans age 18 and older had pre-diabetes.”
“It can lead to full blown type 2; the genetic component of the disease increases the chance.”
“I suppose your fiancé is suffering trauma from fear of becoming like his father, but he’s taking it too far.”
“You are perfectly within your rights to demand that he stop being a screaming meemie about it and get help, if necessary.”- ChinSpin_1986
“NTA, but this is waaaaaaayyyyyyyy above Reddit’s pay grade.”
“Suspicions of this sort warrant a serious discussion with a third party.”
“Also, since this sounds like it was for health reasons and not ideological ones, if he did accidentally eat something after a tablespoon of a non-vegan ingredient had splashed into the pan, it is EXTREMELY unlikely to make a major difference in his long-term health.”- Melificent40
“Sounds like an eating disorder.”
“Make him see a nutritionalist and a therapist if you can afford it.”- Upset-Witness2206
Switching to a vegan diet to improve one’s health is an understandable decision.
But it doesn’t sound like doing so has improved the health of the OP’s fiancé, leading one to believe that it will take more than his cooking his own dinners to get better.
Here’s hoping he finds the help he needs.