Many people have a possession they value above all others.
It could be something which has considerable financial value, such as heirloom jewelry, or something of purely sentimental value, such as a doll or teapot.
The very personal meaning of these various items leads people to be highly protective of them, with some going so far as to treat them as if they were a human beings.
The girlfriend of Redditor Ok-Disk-5109 felt this way about her car, going so far as to give it a name.
Something the original poster (OP) found to be slightly less than adorable, and wasn't afraid to say so in front of his friends.
Worried that his words may have been insensitive to his girlfriend's feelings, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my girlfriend the way she talks about her car is weird and embarrassing?"
The OP explained how his girlfriend did not appreciate his calling her out on what he considered her "weird" behavior in front of his friends.
"I’ve (25) been dating my gf (23) for about 9 months now."
"When she turned 21, her parents gave her a car, and she decided to name it Angie."
"I learned all this on our first date, when she said 'Angie took me here'.”
"I thought that was odd but let it slide."
"Throughout our relationship, she’s always talked about her car as if she’s talking about another person."
"When she got a flat tire on the highway a few months back, she called me and said that 'Angie’s shoe broke and has to get a new one'.”
"When she goes to the car wash she describes it as 'giving Angie a bath'.”
"This all came to a head this weekend, when me and my friends went out drinking, and my gf offered to be the designated driver."
"We were out for a couple hours and I admittedly got a bit too drunk."
"When my gf came to pick us up, she said she’s stopping at the gas station first 'to get Angie something to drink'.”
"This is where I may be the a-hole."
"I told her I think it’s weird and embarrassing of her to talk about her car like that."
"It’s a machine, not a pet or a kid, and that she should treat it like how a normal person would treat any machine."
"She got very quiet and refused to say anything for the rest of the drive home."
"She dropped off my friends, and then drove to my apartment."
"I asked her why we weren’t going back to hers, and she said she needed some time to think and told me to get out."
"She’s been radio silent since then and I’m starting to think I did something wrong."
"AITA for what I said?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no support from the Reddit community, who felt he was indeed the a**hole for the way he treated his girlfriend in front of his friends.
Everyone agreed that it was extremely insensitive of the OP to call her out in front of his friends, particularly after she was nice enough to come and pick them all up after a night of drinking, with many questioning how much longer this relationship will last.
"Just to clarify:"
"Your GF supported you going out drinking with your friends."
"She was driving your drunk asses home."
"She didn't ask for gas money when stopping at a gas station."
"And to thank her for all of these wonderful things, you called her weird in front of your friends and said she shouldn't do what makes her happy."
"You're a dumped a**hole."- askingxalice
"You called her weird and embarrassing as she did you and your stupid drunk friends a favor late into the night."
"You made her feel stupid as f*ck because she now knows you’ve been secretly embarrassed by her for months over a quirk."
"YTA and probably a single one if you can’t turn this around."- daisukidesu1981
"There are always people who treat their environment differently to you."
"Either respect them and leave them to their perfectly acceptable choices, or stfu."
"Everyone has quirks, and part of being in a relationship is accepting and even loving those odd little behaviors and foibles."
"Trying to embarrass someone, anyone, in front of our friends is something no one should consider acceptable, however."
"It’s just bullying, and it tells me she’s definitely better off without you."
"If one of my friends did something like that to someone, I’d reconsider our friendship too."
"Being drunk is no excuse."
"Get a handle on yourself and apologize to her, and Angie, as publicly as you called her out."
"It doesn’t mean she’ll forgive you, but you might have some hope of becoming a decent human being."
"Yes, we cried when out first little van died."
"We still have his number plate on the wall. It’s a natural human behavior to anthropomorphize the objects we form relationships with."
"A bad workman blames his tools; a good workman names them."
"YTA."- the_esjay
"My Jeeps name is RUBY, and she has a strict 'no assholes allowed' rule, so no ride for you, sir."-graeflamingo
"You threw away a keeper."
"She had no issues with you going out with friends to get plastered."
"Even rolled your drunk self home."
"Had to wake Angie up to go along."- JoAnn1961
"YTA."
"My mom is the same way."
"Every goddamn thing she owns or comes near has a name."
"Our tractor is named Lucille. all the little knick-knacks, too, have names."
"It's mental and it drives me bonkers because sometimes it takes me a good long minute to realize that the 'Barry' she's talking about isn't an actual person named Barry but a fucking metal owl-thing she's got in her garden."
"It's idiosyncratic and it's kind of weird, But I keep my mouth shut because that's a stupid battle to pick for me, and, apparently, for you. some people are like that."
"You owe your girlfriend an apology, and you might want to think about your relationship status overall."
"Because I gotta tell ya, that's a thing that's not ever going to change about her."
"If it bugs you this much now, it's going to drive you mad."- evilsir
"YTA."
"Lots of people name their vehicles."
"I call my truck 'Rustbucket'."
"Our rototiller is called 'The Hun', as in 'a tiller the Hun'."- BracedRhombus
"YTA."
"Jeez, just let your girlfriend enjoy her relationship with Angie."
"Are you jealous?"
"How was she hurting anyone by being a bit silly when referring to her car?"- lihzee
"YTA for unnecessarily sh*tting on something she enjoys that has no impact on you at all."
"You're probably about to get dumped."- RefrigeratorFar2769
"YTA."
"Referring to a car as a person is incredibly common."
"Honestly, it says more about you that you would get so upset over something so trivial."
"No worries, though."
"Now you can try and find a woman who doesn't name their car, because I'm sure this one is done with you."- Witch_Sphincter_Hat
"People name their cars and treat them as more than machines all the time."
"And cars can absolutely have personalities too."
"When we were dating, my, now, husband named his car Lucille and jokingly called her his first love."
"Being a sarcastic smarta**, I teased him about it and because of that I swear that car hated me."
'The passenger side door would never open for me but no one else ever had trouble with it."
"I came to hate her too and may have cheered a little bit when she finally died on July 4th, which may or may not have anything to do with me picking that date for our wedding a couple years after we started dating."
"So what if your girlfriend is a little quirky, why does it matter?"
"It's not hurting anyone."
"YTA."- GlitterSparkleDevine
"YTA."
"Lighten up dude."- Aggro3
"YTA."
"I know a bunch of people to name their cars and say things like this."
"My car is Sue, my best friend’s is Harry."
"I work with a guy who named his truck Veronica."
"It’s just a fun way to talk about our vehicles, it’s not that deep."
"We don’t think our cars are sentient."
"This is a super common thing, you should lighten up dude."
"Your gf and Angie sound fun."- kaiti714
The OP eventually returned with an update, revealing that the predictions of several Redditors regarding his relationship turned out to be accurate.
"Well she dumped me."
"She found the post, called me and told me never to speak to her again."
"I guess it’s for the best though, we really wouldn’t have been that compatible, as many of you have said."
"Thank you for your judgements."
Someone criticizing their significant other in front of their friends after they've done them a favor doesn't scream "healthy relationship".
Hopefully the OP has learned to treat his next girlfriend with a little more respect.
Regardless of how she treats her car.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.