Many people are picky eaters.
Which can make it complicated when you are invited to a friend or family member’s home for dinner.
Unlike at a restaurant, where you can order food you know you like, you are beholden to eat what is being served to you.
While many feel the polite thing is to buck up and eat up, others aren’t afraid to let their displeasure be known.
Which doesn’t always go over well with the hosts.
Redditor Such-Ad5600 and their family had a tradition of hosting family dinners, which rotated between households.
When it was the original poster (OP)’s turn to host, they went to great lengths to prepare an authentic Italian meal.
As a result, the OP wasn’t afraid to hide their annoyance at their sister’s boyfriend wanting to add one particular condiment to their meal.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my sister’s boyfriend use hot sauce?”
The OP explained why they were less than pleased when their sister’s boyfriend expressed that something was missing from the meal they prepared.
“Every Sunday my family rotates who makes dinner.”
“One day it’s my wife and me, the next time is my sister and her boyfriend, the next my mom and dad, and then finally my grandmother.”
“With our busy lives, this day is important to us because, besides holidays, we wouldn’t be able to meet up and chat or eat without it.”
“We come from an Italian family but are in Canada (my mom was born there, I was here).”
“I take my food very seriously, especially Italian food, and double especially because my nonna is eating with us.”
“I spent all day preparing dinner, and when we sat down to eat, my sister’s boyfriend is humming and hawing saying my meal is missing something.”
“He said he needs hot sauce and starts walking to my fridge.”
“All I have is Franks and Sriracha.”
“I like hot sauce, too, but I don’t dare mix cuisines like that.”
“So I stopped him saying I’d appreciate it if he enjoyed my meal as it is.”
“He said it’s no big deal, and in a way it isn’t, but also in many ways it is.”
“I told him at the very least, I have some Calabrian chili oil he can use or dried chili flakes.”
“Then it would at least still be Italian.”
“He insists on Sriracha, and I declined.”
“He escalated it and said he was going to go to the store and buy his own bottle and return if that’s the case, and I said by all means.”
“He left, we finished up dinner, and we called it an early night.”
“Everyone is putting their coat and shoes on as he returns, and he’s pissed.”
“My sister is on my side if it matters, but this was a fight all day yesterday between them because he wants my sister on his side, not mine.”
“They’ve been dating only 3 months.”
“If it matters, I made carbonara, bruschetta, and then for mains which he didn’t get to yet, was a seafood platter in red sauce.”
“My wife and I are 34, 35 respectively, my sister and boyfriend are 23, 22 respectively.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP received little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who felt that the OP did, indeed overreact.
Some felt that the boyfriend of the OP’s girlfriend was being rude by asking for hot sauce, but the OP could have been more polite about it.
“ESH.”
“Policing how someone likes their food is a bad look.”
“My husband likes ketchup on his scrambled eggs.”
“I think he must have a demon whispering lies into his ear.”
“But that’s his right to let the demon lead him astray.”
“You say this like you think you’ll also invite a demon into your home.”
“Chill. It’s hot sauce.”
“However, I feel like the boyfriend’s comment ‘Something is missing’ is pretty rude on his part.”
“All he’d have to ask is that he prefers his food spicy; critiquing the meal was uncalled for.”
“I’m also pretty baffled by his insisting on going to the store to purchase hot sauce.”
“That’s just absurd.”
“You’d think if hot sauce were such a priority, he’d keep it in his back pocket or something.”
“Honestly, you both sound exhausting, and I feel bad for your sister.”- missshrimptoast
“I think it’s only fair to go with ESH.”
“You for gatekeeping Italian food and being so rigid.”
“Relax!”
“Him wanting to use hot sauce is not a knock on you, it’s about him.”
“Him for actually leaving a dinner with his GF’s family to get hot sauce.”
“Probably won’t stick around for long.”- Oldgamerlady
“ESH.”
“Your behavior was definitely AH.”
“You don’t tell people how to eat.”
“It is rude.”
“The BF was also an AH.”
“It is equally rude to insist on having hot sauce and going out to buy his own.”
“Both of you were engaging in a d*ck waving contest, and it got out of hand.”- Odd_Task8211
“ESH.”
“If the guy is so insistent that he wants a condiment on his food, then why stop him out of a sense of culinary purity?”
“Just let the man eat.”
“At the same time, I can’t imagine my girlfriend’s sister cooking a big family meal and then kicking up such a huge fuss over slathering it in Sriracha that I go out to the store to buy a bottle of it.”
“After dating them for 3 months?”
“What the hell is the audacity of this guy?”
“AH.”- WillWatsof
Others, however, found the OP completely at fault, agreeing that he should have been more hospitable to his guests.
“YTA.”
“I’m a 16-year veteran of the hospitality industry.”
“I’ve worked in kitchens from dive bars up through multiple Michelin stars, I’ve opened many restaurants & took my first head chef position 8 years ago.”
“People have different palates requiring different levels of seasoning.”
“If a customer asks you for salt you, give it to them… if they request hot sauce?”
“We make our own in-house and offer it as well.”
“The arrogance and lack of gracious hospitality you’ve shown is mind-blowing.”- KuzyBeCackling
“YTA.”
“You just sound pretentious, and it kinda bugs me.”
“You make a bland meal and prevent people from making additions?”
“Do you control the salt and pepper, too?”- NeonRabbit221b
“Take it from an old-fashioned Italian mama with an Italian mama and 2 nonnas who came to the US through Ellis Island.”
“You’re an a**.”
“Italian hospitality isn’t just about the food.”
“It’s also about the comfort of your guests.”
“I kinda wish I could spell the Italian words running through my mind, but it’s probably best that I can’t.”
“YTA.”- 5footfilly
“YTA.”
“You don’t get to gatekeep how people eat.”
“Even if you don’t agree with it, you don’t decide if he can or can’t put hot sauce on it.”
“Or ketchup on your ribeye steak.”
“Or BBQ sauce on your parmesan chicken.”
“You’re a horrible host.”
“You sound completely insufferable.”- KronkLaSworda
“YTA.”
“He’s not asking to put it on everyone’s food, just his own.”
“Stop gatekeeping food lol.”- Critical-Musician630
“YTA.”
“Why in the world are you policing other people’s condiments?”
“That’s f*cking absurd.”- MusingAudibly
“YTA.”
“Way too pompous and controlling.”
“I thought it was going to be a story of him adding it to the whole dish. However, you’re acting like this over his own personal plate?”
“You really are an AH.”- IHaveSaidMyPiece
“YTA.”
“Unless he was putting it on everyone’s/your portion, why would you imagine you had any right to say how he seasoned his food?”- LadyCass79
“YTA dude just wanted his hot sauce, why have you got to be mean to him?”
“Why people feel the need to stop people enjoying food how they like is beyond.”
“Newsflash buddy, there’s no rule that says you can’t do this just because you don’t agree with it.”-ReviewOk929
“YTA 100%.”
“I’m a chef, and even I’m not that anal about what dumb sh*t people do to my food.”
“I might give them a ribbing over it, but outright refusing?”
“I guarantee these rotating exhausting huge weekly family dinners are probably pretty freaking annoying to anyone not in the family.”
“I’m sure he’s tasted them plenty to know if he wants some sriracha in there.”- bigmamapain
Considering the time and effort they took to make that meal, the OP has every right to be offended by a guest saying their food was missing something.
However, as family dinners are a time for everyone to come together, it might have been in their best interest to let it slide, and avoid the scene which ended up being caused.
That being said, family dinners rarely avoid drama, no matter how hard everyone tries.