Naming a child is not as easy as it may seem.
Even though either one of the parents might have grown up with one name in mind for their first child, whether or not their spouse will like the name is no guarantee.
And finding a name that equally pleases both spouses will likely prove a challenge, no matter how much the soon-to-be parents think they see eye to eye.
Perhaps to save some of that trouble, and to acknowledge what his wife was about to go through giving birth, Redditor CranberryJust1503 gave his wife full say on what to name their child.
However, when his wife revealed her choice of name, the original poster (OP) was at a loss of what to say, other than to laugh.
Leaving his wife in tears, and temporarily seeking refuge with her parents.
Concerned he may have been insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for laughing at my wife’s name choice for our son?”
The OP explained how despite giving his wife full approval of what to name their child, he was anything by supportive of her choice.
“So my (35 M[ale]) wife (32 F[emale]) is pregnant.”
“She’s due in 2 weeks and I am beyond excited because this would be my first child and I’ve always wanted to be a dad.”
“Yesterday, we were in bed together, talking about our baby.”
“All of a sudden she jumps up excited with a huge smile on her face.”
“She told me to stay on the bed because she had a surprise for me.”
“She went into our closet and grabbed a box.”
“It was decorated with ribbons and bows so I assumed it was a gift for me.”
“She handed it to me with the same big grin on her face.”
“It was obvious she was excited to see me reaction.”
“I asked her what it was but she just kept on saying ‘open it open it!”
“I opened it and inside was a blue onesie with the name “Bartholomew” in cursive stitched on the middle.”
“Now, I had agreed that I’d let my wife name the baby since she was the one giving birth and I felt as if it would be something really special for her so I trusted she’d name my son something at least normal.”
“I asked her what it meant and she said ‘surprise!! That’s going to be his name’.”
“She sounded so happy and enthusiastic so I knew she was serious.”
“I busted out laughing to the point of tears.”
“I honestly could not believe she was going to name our son that.”
“What the hell kind of name is ‘Bartholomew’?”
“She got really silent and started tearing up.”
“When I noticed this, I sat up and stopped laughing.”
“She snatched the box off me and stomped back to the closet.”
“I asked her if she was serious and she said yes.”
“Apparently she’s decided to name our son after her grandfather who she was very close with before he died.”
“I told her that she should think about this because it’s an ‘outdated’ name.”
“She started yelling at me saying I was judging my son before he even came out the womb.”
“She stormed out and is now staying at her moms.”
“I honestly can’t believe she’s serious.”
“Her dad called me yelling at me because apparently she’s told on me.”
“I’ve been called immature and a joke so far.”
“I’ll probably just apologize but there is no way in hell I’m calling my son by that outrageous name.”
“I’m currently thinking of a nickname to call him, any ideas?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided on where they felt the OP fell after laughing at his wife’s choice of name for their son.
Some felt that the OP was well within his rights to express his opinion of the name, but pointed out how after he gave his wife complete naming power, he rather reaped what he sowed.
“NAH.”
“Both partners need to come up with the name for the baby together.”
“This is a decision that requires TWO yesses, not something where one person can just pick because it’s really unfair to have one person love the name and the other person detest what their child is called.”
“I think the idea of honoring her grandfather with Bartholomew is lovely, but perhaps you should do so as a middle name.”
“Pick out a first name that is more commonly used now for his first name, and that way the gesture is still there, but without the spelling headaches for the kid’s entire life.”
“Trust me, he does not want to be named something weird that he has to spell out three times every time he calls to make an appointment for everything for the rest of his life.”- avocadosdontbite
However, the majority felt that since the OP gave his wife the right to choose the name, he had no right to react the way he did, or at least badly overreacted.
“Am I the only one who thinks Bart is going to be a fine name?”
“In a classroom with 20 Liams, be the Bart.”
“Maybe I’m biased because I find most of the current popular baby names atrocious.”- OkraOk1769
“Old names are coming back in vogue.”
“I have 3 students named Bartholomew, all using various nicknames, no teasing I’ve heard so far.”
“Did you know her grandfather’s name BEFORE this?”
“If so leaning soft YTA only for laughing so hard at a name you knew had sentimental meaning.”
“If not, I’m gonna say NTA but… you’re also not the nicest ever?”
“Your wife was clearly excited and happy and while laughing may have been something you couldn’t control it’s clear you hurt her.”
“Now is the time to apologize sincerely to your wife and find a way to discuss this like adults, not seek the advice of anonymous strangers on the internet.”
“That being said… Names should be a ‘two yes, one no’ situation or things like this are bound to happen.”- Reevadare1990
“YTA.”
“Even if it’s a ridiculous name, you said yourself that you gave her the choice to name your son as she is the one giving birth.”
“You also said yourself that she looked very happy and excited, and then you start laughing?”
“That’s some a**hole behavior.”- UltraTheMemer
“YTA.”
“Simple as that.”
“You trusted her, she chose a name, and you laughed at the idea and called it outdated.”
“On top of telling her to reconsider.”
“The name was personal to her.”
“By virtue of you mocking the name, you mock the memories she had with someone who was dearly close to her.”
“Sorry bud, you were being an AH here.”- H_Korean
“YTA.”
“Not because you don’t want to name your baby that, I wouldn’t either, but because your wife was clearly excited to share this name with you, that has sentimental value to her, and you…checks notes… laughed in her face so hard you cried.”
“Have you even been excited about something and had some crap all over it?”
“It sucks.”
“Be an adult and have an adult conversation, and don’t make promises that you don’t intend to keep.”- DotMiddle
“I don’t think your response was the most sensitive or appropriate, so it’s a very mild YTA for choosing to laugh at your wife.”
“However, it’s very important that both parents consider the impact a name is going to have on their child.”
“A name like Bartholomew, while not entirely weird, is dated and could result in bullying.”
“Should we all be named ‘safe’ names to ensure nobody is ever mocked for their name?”
“That doesn’t make sense either.”
“This is the kind of thing that the parents should have a serious discussion about.”- FinderOfPaths12
“YTA don’t give your wife permission to name your child without your input and then laugh at her when she surprises you with the name.”- crazylady119
“YTA for so many reasons:”
“Having her name the baby without you being involved at all.”
“He’s not even born yet and you’re already checking out of being a responsible father.”
“Agreeing to let her name the baby when even though you have strong opinions about names and weren’t going to accept her choice unless you liked it.”
“Laughing at her and belittling her.”
“Massively overreacting to a pretty normal name.”
“I get that you don’t like it, but plenty of people would be perfectly fine with a traditional name with lots of normal nickname options like Bartholomew.”
“You’re allowed to not like it, but you become the a**hole when you start acting like it’s obviously ridiculous.”- nsnyder
There were a select few, however, who felt the OP’s reaction was completely justified, agreeing that his wife’s choice in name was, indeed, outdated and would be a target for bullying.
“Ask Bart Simpson.”
“NTA.”- conchitu
Sweet as it was that the OP wanted to give his wife full naming power, it likely would have been in his best interest to consider some of the possible names she might have chosen.
Then too, laughing at her choice of name, particularly knowing it was her grandfather’s name, was never going to end well.
One can only hope they can find some common ground before their child is born.