There’s no denying that pets need a lot of attention.
And if you can’t give a pet the love and attention it needs, you should think very carefully before deciding to adopt one.
Then too, if you have other responsibilities in life, a pet shouldn’t always be your top priority.
Particularly if it means putting other people aside.
Redditor National-Paint-7928 was growing increasingly frustrated by his fiancé constantly putting her dog above everyone and everything else.
The original poster (OP) hoped that she might be able to take her mind away from him for a bit on a romantic getaway he planned for them to celebrate their engagement.
Unfortunately, when the OP could tell her mind was still only on her dog, the OP was unable to hide his frustrations.
Having doubts about his behavior, the OP took to the subreddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for leaving the engagement dinner due to my fiancé’s obsession with the dog?”
The OP explained why a romantic trip he planned to spend with his fiancé turned out to be anything but romantic.
“I (28 M[ale]) proposed recently to my girlfriend(27 F[emale]).”
‘We are planning the wedding to happen next year.”
“My fiancé has a 5 year old golden retriever mix.”
“I had a few bad experiences with dogs as a kid.”
“Her dog is very friendly and he gets all the attention from my fiancé.”
“She denied some jobs that won’t let her work from home as she is worried about the dog.”
“I work from home 3 days a week and she only texts asking how the dog is.”
“I planned this very nice trip last weekend to celebrate our engagement.”
“I booked a nice hotel and made reservations at a nice restaurant.”
“One of our close friends stayed with the dog.”
“My fiancé asked her to text with an update every two hours.”
“I did my best to make it a wonderful weekend.”
“We had reservations for 7PM at the restaurant.”
“My fiancé didn’t get ready until 6:40 as she hadn’t heard from the sitter.”
“When we arrived at the restaurant, we had to wait 30 minutes for a table to open.”
“When we sat down, my fiancé spent the entire dinner on her phone trying to get ahold of the friend.”
“I paid for the meal and got up from the table telling her that I was going to wait in the car.”
“She came out 20 minutes later screaming at me for leaving her at the table alone.”
“I yelled back that she ruined our engagement trip for putting the dog over us.”
“We sat in the silence all the way home and she’s thinking about going to stay with her parents.”
“I’m now being called an AH for leaving from the restaurant.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community largely agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for leaving his fiancé alone at the restaurant.
Almost everyone agreed that the OP had every right to be annoyed and shouldn’t have had to stay in the restaurant if his fiancé’s attention was entirely on her dog and not on him. Many even urged the OP to consider if it’s wise to go through with the wedding.
“NTA, I love my pets to bits, but a daily update from a close friend who’s watching her dog should have been enough.”- Accurate-Ad-4905
“NTA.”
“This isn’t really about the dog.”
“Sure, that’s the source of the distraction, but ultimately, this is about her not being present in your relationship.”
“Demanding that the dog sitter checks in every two hours is ridiculous.”
“Refusing to get ready because she hasn’t heard from the sitter is really sh*tty.”
“Sitting at the table, with your romantic partner, entirely engrossed in your phone is bullsh*t.”
“It doesn’t matter what the distraction is.”
“She wasn’t being present in the moment or in the relationship.”
“I had a dog.”
“He was my best friend, and I took my buddy everywhere.”
“We had many adventures together, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t present in my relationship.”- Tacos-and-zonkeys
“NTA.”
“She does care about the dog a lot, but to the point where she is rejecting jobs and texting every two hours is too much.”
“Y’all aren’t compatiable.”
“Get your ring back and move on.”- WickedAngelLove
“NTA.”
“Please explain why you thought it would be a good idea to propose to this person.”- Snoo1560
“NTA, your fiance cares about her dog more than her future life partner.”
“She wasn’t mentally present there with you anyway, so NTA for leaving dinner.”
“Kinda weird, tbh.”- dragonprincess713
“Call off the engagement – she’s already married to the dog.”
“NTA.”- MintydoggoSTEVE
“She only texts you to ask about the dog?”
“She doesn’t care about you. Open your eyes.”
“I would seriously reconsider this engagement but good luck.”
“NTA.”- Majestic_Spread3964
“Has she always acted this overbearing and obsessed with her dog?”
“Or is this something new?”
“I hope you didn’t expect her behavior to change once you got engaged bc it’s also definitely not going to change if you choose to marry her.”
“NTA.”
“She already has a number #1 in her life, and it’s her dog, not you.”- brickwallscrumble
“NTA.”
“At least you now know that it’s a bad idea to go on with the engagement.”
“Better now than when it’s too late.”- AdmirableAvocado
“NTA.”
“Unless the dog was sick or has some type of separation anxiety/aggression that you’re omitting from the OP, this is an unhealthy relationship your fiancee has with the dog.”
“If she couldn’t even carve out time for a celebratory dinner, think about what other milestones she will miss because of the dog.”- TheDrunkScientist
Some, however, didn’t think there was anything terribly wrong with the OP’s behavior and found this a compatibility issue above all else, even if they still didn’t think the OP did anything wrong.
“The way I see it.”
“You aren’t each other’s people.”
“Is her behavior extreme?’
“Sure, but everyone has crazy quirks.”
“Her behavior wouldn’t bug me, but it bugs you because you aren’t compatible.”
“You aren’t a dog person. She’s a hard-core dog person.”
“Dating is marriage tryouts.”
“Why are you engaged when tryouts failed?”- kenj333
“I absolutely love my animals!”
“I care about their well-being and would do whatever I can to make sure they have a great life.”
“However, your fiancé is obsessed to an unhealthy level.”
“I wouldn’t consider that normal.”
“I would consider how much you love your fiancé and if this is something you can live with.”
“She seems like she is married to her dog and can’t really have outside relationships.”
“I’m actually surprised you both got to the level of a proposal, and she’s your fiancé if she’s always been like this and it bothered you so much.”- DisneyAddict2021
Others, however, felt that the OP was indeed in the wrong for walking out on his fiancé, and this was an issue he needed to address with her much earlier if he wanted to marry her, even if they still agreed that the OP’s fiancé seriously needed to reevaluate her priorities.
“ESH.”
“She is way over the top about the dog.”
“But at no point in your story do you mention actually talking to her about this.”
“Have you told her that this bothers her?”
“Or did you just walk off, leaving her to figure out what was bothering you?”
“I mean it’s quite possible that you could talk to her and not have it make a difference. Then you’d have a decision to make.”
“But sometimes people don’t realize they are doing it, and discussing the problem actually would help.”- Jesus__Skywalker
“ESH.”
“We can all understand how eye-roll-inducing this woman’s behavior is, but what I can’t understand is people who are in relationships, knowing full and well who their partner is, and expecting them to suddenly not be that person.”
“Re-read your intro paragraph again.”
“That’s not a description of someone who’s blindsided you with this behavior.”
“That’s a description of someone who is dog-obsessed.”
“If that bothers you, why in the absolute f**k are you entering into a marriage with this person?”
“There are 7 billion people on the planet. You don’t need to choose one that frustrates you.”
“If this is a critical point in your relationship to re-evaluate, and you choose to continue with no explicit commitment from her to change, then I start to see less and less AH in her and more in you alone.”- dendriticspline
It shouldn’t be overlooked that the OP is admittedly not a dog person, yet was willing to welcome the OP’s dog into his life.
It’s rather a shame that the OP’s fiancé didn’t welcome him into her life in the same way.
If the OP’s fiancé wants this wedding to happen, one can only hope she will sort out her priorities.