We’d like to think that we have evolved enough as a society, that someone’s gender shouldn’t cloud anyone’s perception of how they would function in a certain profession or hobby.
Sadly, there are still far too many people who believe that men and women should behave a certain way, and be skilled in certain areas.
With some even going so far to say that any man or woman who doesn’t fit this criteria isn’t “manly” or “ladylike” enough.
Redditor housework1998 found his masculinity put into question when the parents of his girlfriend were surprised that he lacked fundamental skills in a certain area.
Adding insult to injury, the original poster (OP)’s girlfriend did not spring to his defense, but rather joined her parents in kicking him when he was down.
Even going so far as to call him “embarrassing”.
Insulted and hurt, the OP decided there was only one way to handle these accusations made against him.
Concerned he may not have made the right decision, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for doing the absolute minimum chores after my girlfriend parents implied I wasn’t a man and she agreed with them?”
The OP explained why his girlfriend and her parents didn’t think he was “manly enough”, and how he decided to handle the way he was treated.
“Sorry if some of sentences feel awkward, I am not a native speaker.”
“I work from home and my job is relaxed and doesn’t require me to be glued to the screen, my girlfriend works in a stressful customer service job and most of her days are terrible.”
“In the 2 years we’ve been living together, I do practically all the chores around the house and I try to treat her to like a queen when she comes back home.”
“However, the one thing I can’t do is be a handyman no matter how easy the task is.”
“A few months ago, the bathroom door hinges needed replacing so I called a friend to help.”
“Last week during lunch with her parents, I asked her dad about the project he was working on, he does woodworking as a hobby.”
“He showed me the progress on his phone and suggested I should help him with the last touches.”
“My girlfriend told him that I can’t even replace door hinges let alone help with that.”
“Her mom said that every man should know how to fix things around the house and her husband agreed with her.”
“The remainder of lunch was very awkward, it was like they were my real parents and were disappointed of me for being a huge failure.”
“After we left, I told my girlfriend that I didn’t expect their reaction.”
“Instead of taking my side, she said that they were right because it was embarrassing that I need to call a friend to help with something trivial.”
“I reminded her that I get nervous and anxious every time I touch a tool.”
“I admitted it was stupid but it’s just the way I am and has been very honest with her since the start.”
“Still she didn’t change her mind.”
“I told her that since their idea of being a man is twisted I must share the same view and start working on being their version of a man.”
“I told her that I will stop cooking for her.”
“And I’ll stop doing the dishes, laundry and cleaning.”
“The only thing that I would keep doing is taking the trash out and grocery shopping.”
“So I could focus my time and effort on becoming a man.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the op was not the a**Hole for refusing to do any chores after the way his girlfriend treated him.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s girlfriend and her parents had antiquated views of masculinity, with many wondering why the OP was staying with his girlfriend after being treated so poorly by her.
“Why would you stay with someone who speaks of you like that to their family?”- rickybobbybobby
“My wife did her undergrad in electrical engineering.”
“I did mine in geography.”
“She’s way more qualified to handle those stereotypical ‘manly projects’ than me.”
“I’m mostly there to be her muscle and lift when she asks me too.”
“I’ve never been accused of being less of a man, because I served in the Marines.”
“Still, when contractors come to our home, and they start talking to me, I laugh and tell them to explain it to my wife, she understands better than me.”
“I’m like you.”
“For the first few years of our relationship I did all the cooking and cleaning.”
“Now we split the cooking, but I still am the only one who seems to know how to clean.”
“And I’m not much of a handyman.”
“I can put together ikea furniture and stuff, but when we converted our shed into and office, she definitely took lead there, with me standing by just lifting what she couldn’t.”
“It’s sh*tty your gf would belittle you like that.”
“Gendered roles are dumb and outdated.”
“My mom is a master technician, who loved to fix anything.”
“My stepdad was a master chef, sup handles all the cooking and domestic work.”
“That’s how I grew up, and they’re boomers.”
“He brags about all the things she can fix, and she brags about how amazing his meals are, and when we get together as a family, my mom enlists my wife help to fix things, and I help out with chores around the house.”
“I don’t feel like less of a man for it, and I don’t think he does either.”
“It’s a natural family dynamic for us now.”- urbanworldbuilder
“I will be direct, if she thinks really that, you should leave her, because in the future she will have you suffer, I talk by my experience, I stayed 4 years with someone that always told me I wasn’t a man and to this day, 5 years later, I feel like sh*t and that I’m not enough.”- FedeRreal
“Every has strengths and weakness.”
“If she can’t accept that and you are in for a painful relationship.”- Heavy-Sky-1253
“And I’m about to pull up with some petty shit as a woman, but you should hit her with the ‘since I do all the housework, I’ve decided you make a sh*t woman and you need to step up to the man or woman plate’.”
“Your choice of which, but right now you’re neither’.”
“That gendered thinking is a deal breaker’.”
“Do you identify as a man?”
“Then you are man enough.”- PICKLESnBILLITH
“Lmao love it!”
“Tell her it’s the 21st Century and she should be able to fix her own damn doors.”
“You are being taken advantaged of here, she should be doing her own share of the chores, you both have jobs do all gets shared equally.”
“If this continues you might have to show her the door, literally because it seems like there is little respect here.”- Nessie51
“Why can’t she do anything?”
“Fixing things is not just a man’s job!”
“If my husband is at work or busy I can easily bust out the tools and fix things!’
“Stick to your guns!”- Majestic-Leopard-563
“But why are you with someone who tattles on you to her parents and makes you feel like trash?”
“You sound awesome and should be with someone who values you and treats you well.”
“Hopefully she’ll be your ex-GF soon.”- ollieastic
“Don’t stay with a woman who doesn’t respect you and appreciate everything you do for her.”-Scary_Inevitable379
“3 of them sound awful.”
“I’d do no house work at all besides clean up after myself while I secretly get my ducks in a row to get out of there and ghost them all.”- adisturbed1
“if she wants you to be a gender stereotype then she should act her part of being a gender stereotype too.”- calvinshuhfc
“And I hope you know there are plenty of women out there who don’t care if you can fix door hinges or not.”
“A lot of us, unsurprisingly, can do that ourselves and would be thrilled to have a partner who took on other more regular work around the house instead of simply fixing things occasionally.”
“Your gf is currently undervaluing your hard work and I hate that.”- viichar
It’s sadly not at all uncommon for anyone to have to constantly prove their worth to their significant other’s parents.
But when you constantly have to prove your worth to your significant other, it might be time to stop and reflect upon how healthy your relationship is, and maybe it might be worth finding someone who doesn’t find you “embarrassing”.
One also can’t help but wonder how the OP’s girlfriend would have felt if he questioned her femininity and demanded she do more cooking and cleaning?
One imagines she might not have kept her composure nearly as well as the OP managed to do in front of her parents.