We’ve all held a simple-minded grudge every now and then.
Even though we know it won’t change the situation, and won’t make us feel any better, we still find ourselves unable to forgive someone for doing something.
Some people keep these grudges to themselves, and don’t let the people they’re angry at know that they will likely be in hot water with them for the rest of their lives.
Others, however, make no effort to keep their rage hidden.
Redditor Adept_Ad_4256 was disappointed to miss a major life event of their son’s, owing to extenuating circumstances.
Not nearly as disappointed as their son was, however, who always reminded both his parents of their absence on his special day whenever things got heated between them.
So much so, that it reached a point where the original poster (OP), openly told their son that this sort of behavior had to stop.
Wondering if they were out of line for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my son he needs to get over us missing his wedding?”
The OP explained why they had finally had enough of being guilt tripped by their son.
“My son got married a few years ago.”
“He lives on the other side of the country then us.”
“He got a great job opportunity after college so he moved down.”
“Two years ago he got married to Jenny and what I heard it was a beautiful wedding.”
“So the whole issue started when we were trying to get there.”
“The wedding was on Saturday and our plane left Thursday night.”
“Well it got delayed and then delayed about four more times, (Friday morning at this point) and then all the planes got canceled due to a storm.”
“When that happened it was clear we were not leaving and driving there would take too long and we would still miss the ceremony.”
“We looked into other airports the planes were grounded also.”
“We are from Maine and the storm was going though our state and then riding down the east coast.”
“We weren’t getting a flight and yes we looked.”
“It basically blocked travel for two days.”
“If we did go down a state or two we would be following the storm and we wouldn’t get a flight.”
“So we informed him and he was pissed.”
“We sent our well wishes and we could FaceTime in if he wanted.”
“He told us no and we saw a video of his getting married.”
“Now the present day issue any times we get an argument or he wants us to do something he pulls up we missed his wedding card.”
“We were taking over the phone, we were talking about hosting Thanksgiving this year.”
“He got mad saying why won’t you visit us and I told him we don’t have the money for the trip and we just saw him in July.”
“July was the last time we visited we have been down there 9 times at this point.”
“We got in an argument and he pulled the you missed our wedding it’s the least you can do.”
“I told him enough and that he needs to get over it.”
“He called me a jerk.”
“My daughter learned about it as she is on our side but I don’t know.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
For the most part, the Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for telling their son to stop playing the “missed wedding” card.
Pretty much everyone agreed that the OP and their spouse missing their son’s wedding was completely out of their control, and their son needed to start forgiving them and stop reminding them, even if some could at least understand their son’s disappointment.
“If all of the cross-country flights were cancelled due to weather and you’d planned on being there a full day and a half ahead of time then you made what any reasonable person would consider a good faith effort to be there.”
“Plane tickets (and wedding plans) are usually made months in advance, well before any potential weather issues would arise.”
“I’m sure that OP wasn’t the only one unable to get across the country.”
“It sucks and is understandably upsetting to the son whose wedding is missed, but it is what it is.”- DueIsland2983
“You booked flights a few days in advance.”
“You didn’t just book one for the morning of the ceremony and hope for the best.”
“I understand he’s upset.”
“But you don’t control the weather or the airlines.”
“What did he realistically expect you to do that you didn’t?”
“You missed it.”
“Yes he can be sad you missed it, but to blame you and bring it up repeatedly is missing the mark.”- RamblingReflections
“This reminds me of that scene in The Devil Wears Prada where Miranda wants Andy to get her a plane out of Miami during a hurricane.”
“Just like in the movie, it is what it is.”
“Sometimes Mother Nature makes fools of us all.”
“I can see your son feeling disappointed, but to be angry at you, especially years later, is not fair.”
“You know what I did when I found out 4 days before my wedding that my father, who was excited to come, was now medically restricted from traveling and couldn’t?”
“I spent 2 hours helping my stepmother figure out how to set up a Skype video link so they could watch the ceremony in real time, with an extra phone audio connection because we found Skype audio wouldn’t work on their computer for unknown reasons.”
“The camera for the Skype was set right next to the altar so they could see couple & officiant, and the phone for audio was ON the altar so they could hear nearly everything.”
“It was an act of God.”
“He needs to get over it, especially if he didn’t do a damn thing to to make alternate plans for live streaming for you.”-Scouthawkk
“It sounds like you and your husband made all reasonable efforts to get there and it just wasn’t going to happen.”
“Personally, I would’ve still drove to at least have gotten to the reception and celebrate but that’s just me.”
“That being said, that’s a big milestone moment you missed and it’s going to take time for him to get over it.”
“But it’s not fair for him to use it as a weapon against you and your spouse anytime things don’t go his way.”
“He needs to find a way to make peace with the situation without lording it over you for all of time.”- coastalkid92
“How can he blame you?”
“What does he think you should have down differently?”- reeserdog
“I’m struck by a grown married son, living away from his parents, regularly getting into arguments with those parents.”
“It seems that those lives would be separate enough that there wouldn’t be much to argue about.”
“My phrasing seems to point to the son, but it could be either/both directions.”
“Aside from that oddity, NTA for missing the wedding.”- fuzzy_mic
“You had a perfect storm of events to miss and he’s being a baby about it years later.”
“Easy NTA.”- ARandomBleedingHeart
“NTA, you missed it for reasons outside of your control.”
“There was literally nothing you could’ve done in that situation.”- Katesaurus
“You can’t control the weather and he can’t hold this over your head forever.”- DSQ
“I’m sure he’s upset but you tried.”
“You can’t control the weather and it got delayed multiple times before ultimately being cancelled.”
“You did the smart thing trying to come in a few days early but you can’t control the weather.”-WebAcceptable7932
“What was your relationship like before this?”
“Seems like son is extra mad for something out of your control, however have you had a history of promising to be somewhere or do something for him and it just never seemed to happen?”
“Or maybe you didn’t like the wife at one point and your son is taking this extra personal?”
“On its face it seems like son is over reacting but, at least with my family, the fight is never really about what it looks like it’s about.”
“There’s almost always underlying issues.”
“Or it could be son is just unforgiving and is holding a childish grudge.”- Lacroix24601
There were a select few, however, who felt the OP and their spouse didn’t plan well enough ahead to make the wedding, but still felt their son’s grudge was unjustified.
“While your son should be content having been visited once already that year, I’m not sure why you thought it appropriate to leave only 2 days prior to his wedding.”
“It doesn’t scream ‘care’.”- The_Haikuling
A wedding is a day when you want all your nearest and dearest together, making the disappointment of the OP’s son understandable.
But as the OP did not deliberately skip his wedding, and made every effort they could to get there, it is surprising that the OP isn’t more forgiving.
If he wants to sustain a relationship with them, resentment is never going to help.