There are several highly varying perceptions of masculinity.
In some cases, it's ingrained in young boys by their families that they should or shouldn't behave a certain way.
While some young boys are influenced by social media telling them what it is to be a real man.
No matter the source, it can be agreed that anyone being told what is and isn't masculine is unhealthy and even dangerous.
Redditor Top_Ad1720 recently went to dinner with his girlfriend and his younger brother.
During the dinner, the original poster (OP) was taken aback by his brother's semi-relentless "alpha male" behavior and wasted no time poking fun at him.
As one might expect, the OP's brother did not appreciate being the butt of his jokes.
Wondering if he was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for mocking my brother that talks about being an alpha male?"
The OP explained why couldn't help but make fun of his little brother on a recent dinner out.
"My (20 M[ale]) little brother (15 M) is in high school."
"I just came back to my hometown from college for break and brought my girlfriend to come with me for a week."
"I decided to go out to a restaurant with me, my gf, my brother, and my sister."
"When we were sitting down, my little brother showed me a weird TikTok."
"It was first a video of a girl saying short guys are not men or something, and then it cuts to some guy lifting weights and insulting her."
"I thought it was stupid and made fun of my brother for it, and then he called me a beta and said my girlfriend probably has an OnlyFans."
"She obviously told him she didn't have one (because she didn't), and I told him he's an idiot."
"I then looked at his TikTok account and scrolled, and it was all just dudes going to the gym and lifting weights or people talking about 'how to be masculine' and stuff, so I was laughing and making fun of it."
"My brother then got mad and stopped talking."
"Aita?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
While the Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole, unlike the OP, they did not find his brother's behavior to be a laughing matter.
Just about everyone found the behavior of the OP's brother incredibly worrisome, with many agreeing that he was heading down a very dangerous path if the OP and his family didn't intervene sooner rather than later.
"NTA but you need to make an actual effort to keep him away from these toxic grifters."
"Talk to your parents or other older adult in his life."
"This podcast bro stuff can start out harmless (lifting weights, having confidence) and often gets dark."
"Just look at what Tate is awaiting trial for."- gloomyrain
"NTA."
"Little brother needs guidance. He's heading the wrong way, following the wrong lead."
"Laughing was a good start, but you need to seriously tell him that the stuff he's watching isn't a good influence."
"He needs better examples and won't find them among the 'alpha' crowd."- dmcdd
"NTA but holy cow, you need to intervene."
"Your brother is watching the most toxic of toxic masculinity."
"Talk to your parents."
"He honestly may need therapy to examine his feelings about women before his misogyny gets rooted too deep."- BladeMaster0182
"NTA."
"Inferring that your girlfriend has an OnlyFans is both weird and inappropriate coming from your brother."
"He is quite young and immature. This maybe the reason for him to act that way, but he needs to respect your girlfriend."
"Sounds like he might be struggling with his own masculinity."- Throwdiscus
"NTA."
"Someone needs to break him of the stereotype he's putting himself into."- deadevilmonkey
"This kind of nonsense is really dangerous."
"It's putting girls at risk in schools as well as impacting the mental health of boys."
"Do talk to your parents."- NiobeTonks
"NTA Brother is definitely going down a dark and lonely road with that type of content consumption."
"Any man (or boy) that uses this kind of rhetoric is a walking red flag to me (a moderately attractive woman in a very happy and healthy relationship)."
"Did sis have anything to say during this conversation?"
"I think I would have a talk with sister to make sure she wasn't being mistreated by brother, to be safe."
"Might have a little chat with the rest of the family too."
"If you're concerned about his behavior."
"Good luck."- Squirrelly_girlly
"NTA but it's probably worth checking up on what's going on in his life."
"Maybe he has some self-esteem issues or has dealt with rejection at school and leans on these cringe videos to get some solace from these weirdo meatheads."
"After all, you're in college, and you're not as available to help navigate him away from that silly stuff."- shuckyducked
"NTA."
"There is no such thing as an alpha or beta male."
"There are people with a lack of emotional intelligence, though."
"I've seen plenty of people on TikTok who lift weights and dislike the alpha male mentality."-Orange_Fire_Fan
"NTA, his media is alarming."
"Especially if he's quoting these things sincerely and not as a joke."
"I'd talk to y'all's parents about it."- OriginalBlerd
"NTA."
"Your bro may need some therapy, tbh."
"Getting into that mindset so young (he's barely in puberty, dude) is going to either set him up for failure or set up an unknown number of girls and women to be abused."- MontanaWildWiman
"NTA."
"You showed him who the 'alfa male' is (This is a joke)."
"He is entering a loop of toxicity and probably needs someone to talk to him about insecurities and respecting others."- No-Jelly556
"NTA."
"Everyone who claims to be an alpha male deserves a reality check."
"Also, while you're at it, you might explain that it's not something bad to have an OF account."- No-Entertainer-9288
"NTA, show him videos of Andrew Tate getting roasted after his arrest."- johnnyjrkoff
"I'd say NTA."
"You called him out on harmful beliefs."
"However, mocking his beliefs is probably not the best way to stop him from going down that road."
"It's probably better to have a one-on-one, calm discussion about why you disagree and why you believe he shouldn't be watching such stuff."- Slovenlyfox
"15-year-old telling his brother 'your gf has onlyfans' and 'you are beta', really?"
"What kind of society is this? Is there not a family relationship at all?"
"Why would a brother tell his other brother this thing?"- Wingardiumis
"NTA."
"But just laughing at him might make it worse."
"Your brother is on the edge of a deep dark hole and needs help before he is irredeemable."
"What's your dad like?"
"Is he a good influence you can talk to about this?"
"Can you spend more time with him and help him understand what's wrong with these people he's following on SM?"- Fianna9
"NTA, he sounds like a bit of a dork, and as the older brother, it's your job to set his head on straight so he goes down the right path."
"He's still young and figuring things out, but it's good to help try and guide him in a better direction than what he's looking at now."
"Sometimes just giving him a heads up as to how foolish he is looking right now can help do that."
"Also saying your GF probably has an OnlyFans is completely out of line, and you wouldn't have been wrong to put him in his place on that alone."- BramptonBatallion
"NTA."
"Anyone that uses the phrase 'Alpha Male' to describe themselves or indeed subscribes to that alpha, beta, gamma male BS deserves scorn and ridicule."
"Honestly, these people are a problem and need to be called out."
"You have done the world a service."
"If anything, you need to be more brutal."- occasionalrant414
"NTA."
"You need to help him understand how unhealthy that viewpoint is."
"Working out and fitness is great. If he's interested, help him."
"Alpha Male stuff is just repugnant."
"Show him that you'll not meet many people on either side of that line."- thetempesthascome
"No you are NTA."
"your brother, however, is at a very impressionable age and is headed down a VERY dangerous pipeline."
"Like, the incel one."
"I'd suggest to y'all's parents that they get him into therapy sooner rather than later."
"Best of luck."- doldrumcircus
It must be said that 15 is a very vulnerable age, where people are very easily influenced by just about anyone or anything.
This is why it's all the more important for the OP to make sure that he and his family keep a close eye on his younger brother to make sure he doesn't stray down a dangerous path.
As no form of accepted masculinity should ever justify rudeness.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.