The benchmark of any relationship is trust.
There is very little hope of any relationship succeeding if you can’t trust your partner.
And fixing a relationship will pose numerous problems should trust ever be broken.
When the fiancé of Redditor ThrowraCase35456 broke her trust, it put not only their relationship in jeopardy, but also her job.
Dismayed at her fiancé’s reaction afterwards, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling the Police on my fiancé?”
The OP first shared the changes she needed to make to her life and daily routine after moving in with her fiancé.
“My fiancé (28 M[ale]) and I (30 F. [emale]) have been together for 3 years.”
“I used to live close to work and used public transportation but after I moved into his house, which is hours away from work, I bought myself a car since I’m a nurse and also since there isn’t any hospitals close to where we live that I could transfer to.”
“My fiancé’s car hasn’t been working for close to 2 months now. It requires so much money to get it fixed and he refused my financial help when I offered it.”
“Instead, he would ask to use my car every now and then and I agreed as long as it’s when I’m not working and also, since he only uses it for trips to the supermarket etc…”
One night, the OP’s fiancé requested the car on a night she needed it, leading to a fraught conversation.
“On New Year’s Eve, he told me he wanted to use my car to go hang out with his friends and celebrate but I declined because I had to cover a night shift and needed my car to travel to work.”
“He insisted and even suggested I take the night off or swap shifts with another nurse but I couldn’t do that last minute.”
In spite of the OP’s warnings, her fiancé ended up taking matters into his own hands, resulting in the OP taking drastic measures of her own.
“I thought he dropped it then but when I went into the shower and got out I couldn’t find him nor my car.”
“I freaked out and started calling for half an hour but he didn’t answer me.”
“I tried again ’til one of his friends picked up. I demanded he give the phone to my fiancé but he said they were out and confirmed that he took my car and told me that my fiancé said that it’s better that I skip my shift and he’ll be back with my car later.”
“I couldn’t take it. I felt so enraged I had my fiancé on the phone telling him I did not consent for him to take my car to go hang out with friends and said I’d call the police to get it back if he refused to come back with it.”
“But he didn’t take me seriously so I ended up calling the police and he and his friends were picked up at the bar where they were hanging out, then were taken to the police department.”
“I got my car from there and still went to my shift.”
“My fiancé was let go hours after I left and he blew up my phone with missed calls and texts about how I was out of my mind to call the police on him and put him in this situation.”
“I did not respond but when I got off work the next day we got into an argument and he said he couldn’t believe I’d do this to him but I told him he made me do this to which he responded that I was petty and callous because not only did I ruin his New Year’s celebration, but all his friends aren’t speaking to him after I put them in this situation as well and he then kept giving me silence about it.”
“I did consider this a form of theft especially since he went behind my back after getting a ‘NO’ from me, but he was shocked that I’d even imply that he was a thief and said what’s yours is mine and vice versa so I shouldn’t be using the terms ‘theft and stealing’.
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here.
There was no doubt in the minds of fellow Redditors that the OP was in no way the a**hole for calling the police on her fiancé.
Several Redditors were simply astounded that the fiancé could take the car without asking, particularly after the OP sacrificed so much to move in with him.
“Not even a little bit.”
“You moved to where he was even though it meant a massive commute for you, for what?”
“You let him use your car instead of getting his fixed because he couldn’t man up and accept help?”
“How dare you.”
“Now this little sh*t STEALS YOUR CAR like a teenager who doesn’t understand how BEING EMPLOYED WORKS to go out for a rip with his buds??”
“And tells you “Don’t worry man, just like, don’t go” ????????”- homoscarfiens2′
Yours and mine’ my a**.”
“That was your car and you needed it for work.”
“He stole it and he knows it.”
“F*ck him. NTA.”- tubelcek
Some even went so far as to say the OP should seriously re-consider marrying her fiancé.
“Um. He got you to move far away from public transport and work opportunities into His House, refuses to fix his car so there is now only 1 between you.
“Didn’t listen to your no,Took your car without permission.”
“Endangered your job by forcing you to miss NYE shift when there is No Way you could get cover.”
“Yelled at you when he was in the wrong, Didn’t defend you to his friends, Is now giving you the silent treatment.”
“No you are NTA, but your boyfriend is giving off some warning signs that you should look at very closely before marrying him.”- thrawngirl.
“Girl why are you with a man who cannot take care of his own basic needs and insists that you call off work so he can go party?”
“He is using you and you can do way better.”
“Do not offer financial help to people like this either.”
“He has money to go out with his friends then he has money for a car.”
“ETA his friends put themselves in to this situation by getting in to a stolen car.”
“Do you really think they weren’t all sitting around laughing at you before this happened?”- emccm
Others pointed out that if he wanted to go out for New Year’s Eve and presumably get drunk, he shouldn’t have been behind the wheel of a car in the first place.
“NTA and I can’t believe he did this to you.”
“You clearly said no.”
“He broke your boundaries.”
“Why is he even driving on NYE anyway, he should be ubering or if he’s DD then he should be driving his friend’s car.”- VladSuarezShark
The OP would later reveal that this wasn’t the first time something like this happened, and in the past, and his friends have never been of any help on her part.
“Admittedly, part of the blame falls on me and the reason is because there were instances in the past where he tried to pull similar things with me and I let them slide.”
“Like trying to talk me into skipping work just to spend time with him and then he’d throw a fit and say I’m prioritizing work over him when I refuse.”
“Don’t even get me started on his friends, the 4 of them lack any sense of responsibility and common sense.”
“One of them (the closest to my fiancé) has always been rude to me and calls me names and is the same person who picked up the phone when I called my fiancé.”
“They all bring nothing but negative energy around me.”
It seems like trust isn’t the only issue in this relationship.
If the OP is set on moving ahead with this wedding, some serious conversations are needed between her and her fiancé.