There are very few people who haven’t told a little white lie to get out of something.
Up to and including work.
These lies include a fake illness, a broken refrigerator, flat tire, sick babysitter.
More often than not, these lies resulted in no consequences for anyone.
But when these little fibs affect other people, the situation stops being harmless.
Such was sadly the case for Redditor Throwaway97499456, who was outraged when her husband lied to her boss so that she would miss work to attend a family gathering.
Wondering if she overreacted, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
AITA for flipping out at my husband for lying to my boss and telling him that I had a miscarriage?
After first sharing some good news on her familial front, the OP explained that her husband rather resented how much time she spends at her job, even going so far as to accuse her of prioritizing it over her family.
“I (29 F[emale]) found out that I’m pregnant recently.”
“I work a full time job and so I’m fairly busy.”
“Unlike my husband (31 M[ale]) who only works part time and has plenty of time to spare.”
“He visits his family almost daily.”
“He also complains about how I keep missing events that I think aren’t that relevant because my inlaws literally have a party every week.”
“He told me that his mom has picked up on my absence and said that it’s affecting how she sees me and the way I prioritize work over family.”
“I had this conversation with him and his mom a hundred times but to no avail.”
“Last week, he wanted me to attent his cousin’s gender reveal party.”
“I refused because I had work.”
“He told me to take the day off but that wasn’t possible due to how much work I needed tp get down.”
“He pitched a hissy fit saying I’m prioritizing work over family and got mad when I told him that a relative’s gender reveal party wasn’t that important to attend.”
Eventually, the OP’s husband took matters into his own hands, much to the OP’s horror.
“The next day, and unbeknowest to me, he sent my boss a text using my phone pretending to be me, telling him that I was at the hospital because I was having a miscarriage.”
“I could not believe it and for a minute thought it was a joke.”
“But seeing how my boss responded just confirmed it.”
“My boss didn’t even know I was pregnant and I didn’t want to tell him or the others til later on.”
“I was seething, I shouted for my husband to come into the room and explain what the hell was going on.”
“He told me he did that as a desperate attempt to get me to get some time off work and ‘actually focus on what matters’.”
“I flipped the f*ck out at him and told him that this was my livelihood he was trying to mess with but he said I basically made him resort to this, and that he wouldn’t have to lie if I actually made sometime to see and interact with his family and show them back the respect they keep showing me.”
“I yelled at him asking how I was going to deal with this ridiculous lie that he told my boss and he told me that it was ‘easy’.”
“All I had to do was tell my boss that it was just a ‘micarriage scare’.”
“We argued nore and I told him I wasn’t going to his cousin’s party after this.”
“He threw another fit about how my job isn’t actually the problem and that I was constantly looking for excuses to avoid spending time with his family.”
“He called me selfish and told me to look at the mirror and see who the one who is in the wrong.”
“He left to attend the party and I stayed home.”
“He wasn’t speaking to me when he got back and didn’t even sit with me for dinner.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP had every right to be furious and was in no way the a**hole.
The OP’s husband found little to no sympathy from fellow Redditors, most of whom were just as outraged as the OP by his behavior, with many even urging the OP to leave him.
“Nta.”
“The issue here is that he pretended to be you and lied to your boss.”
“Now when you start to show, the lie puts you in a rough decision.”
“I would call or see your boss in person and explain.”- Kattiaria
“NTA and for the sake of yourself and your child you need a divorce ASAP.”
“If he’s willing to go to that length already, I see him attempting to sabotage your job more in the future and it could eventually cost you said job.”- worldtraveler197
“This man will not be a good father.”- OrangeCubit
“Are you planning on raising your child in this environment?”
“He won’t allow that since he clearly needs all your attention.”
“NTA and leave.”- astral_rainbow
“NTA.”
“Are you sure you trust this guy to be the father of your child?”- WhiteJadedButterfly
“NTA.”
“He clearly has no respect for your work.”
“How much of the financial burden in the marriage does each of you carry?”- JosieJOK
“NTA.”
“That he sees himself as the victim after what he did to you really disturbs me.”
“Please talk to people in your life about this behaviour so they know it is happening and consider if you should be in a relationship with someone who treats you like this.”-Â notdorisday
“NTA. and this sounds like what he did is at least borderline abuse and coercive control.”
“Your work and health are none of your husbands business and he should only be supportive.”
“And, such a devastating and serious thing to lie to someone about.”
“When people lie to get out of work they say things like they have the flu or car trouble.”
“Not a miscarriage.”
“The fact that his mind went to that lie while you are pregnant is in and of itself highly concerning to me.”
“NTA and please get out of this.”- pottymouth616
“NTA.”
“But do you really want to raise a child with this man or be tied to him for the rest of your life.”
“I’d be really rethinking this relationship because he isn’t dealing in reality.”
“Assuming your job supports your family, sometimes a job means you can’t do everything and sometimes you don’t want to go to every event.”
“His judgement is clearly off and he seems to be very involved with his family of origin.”
“When you get married your partner is your new family and your family of origin take a backseat and he didn’t get the memo.”
“And if you’re in the US is he that dense to not realize what telling your boss about your pregnancy can do to your career especially if it’s early?”
“Or maybe he wanted to destroy your career.”- throwawaywedding444
“NTA The fact that he can lie about the death of his child and not see how incredibly f*cked up that is, is what’s concerning.”- whynot246810
“Yeah, NTA .”
“And you need a divorce.”
“F*cking hell.”- happymomma40.
“NTA… he on the other hand, woah.”
“What the f*ck is wrong with him?”
“Has he always had a tendency for pulling ridiculous stunts like this?”- It-wont-stop.
“NTA.”
“This is a serious breach of trust.”
“I don’t want to put too fine a point on this but you two have very different priorities and he’s willing to manipulate you and things you care about to get his way.”
“You should think long and hard about if this is something you may want to live with.”
“At very least have a discussion with him about boundaries and if he is willing to act as a partner or not.”
“I can’t imagine ever doing anything like this to my wife.”
“I’d never want to.”
“I know she would never do something like that to me.”- Bowman74
“Why are you having a child with this man.”- terpischore761
“NTA but this is a major breach of trust.”
“It could be classified as abuse as well since he is trying to control you using your items and your network by disrespecting boundaries and your autonomy.”
“Your possessions are not safe around him, it’s all free game for him to take and manipulate like your phone and messaging your boss.”
“Things like passwords and shared accounts could be compromised by him when he feels like he ‘is forced to do it’ by you.”
“Please be safe and best of luck.”
“Also the fact that he would lie about a miscarriage while posing as you is really messed up.”-Â isaypwnsj00
One has to wonder what the OP’s husband could have possibly been thinking when he did this?
The only logical answer would be that he wasn’t.
Ironic that he did this to make his wife spend more time with her family, as it very likely could have cost him his.