It’s a child’s worst fear that their parents prefer one or more of their siblings to them.
Even as they enter adulthood, one simple action by either of their parents could make them think that they are the child their parents wish they hadn’t had.
In most instances, this isn’t the case at all, and they are just letting their fears and imaginations get the better of them.
Sometimes, however, parents do indeed prefer one or more of their children to the others and aren’t exactly experts at hiding it.
Redditor PrimaryDiet5940 was thrilled to learn that his son was getting married, and wanted to show his excitement by making him a very generous offer.
An offer his other son rather resented, as it was never made to him.
When asked for an explanation as to why, the original poster (OP) made his reasons explicitly clear, only creating even more distance between the two of them.
Having second thoughts about his behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for paying for my son’s wedding?”
The OP shared what he did to lead his son to accuse him of “playing favorites.”
“My son is getting married to a wonderful woman.”
“We loved her since the first day we met her.”
“She was very nice and polite and very good with my granddaughter.”
“My granddaughter is 15, and she never got along with my son’s partners, so it’s nice to see the amazing relationship between her and her future stepmom.”
“We were all talking, and the wedding came up.”
“We asked them what they are planning to do, and they told us they can’t afford their dream wedding and their dream honeymoon, so they are trying to decide which one to choose.”
“I offered that they could do both and I’ll pay half the price.”
“My other son asked me why I’m paying for their wedding when I didn’t pay for his. I told him that I didn’t like his wife and he knows it.”
“She has been very cold towards us since the first day we met and she hardly ever speaks to us.”
“I can’t be expected to pay for a wedding I don’t approve of.”
“He said I’m showing favoritism.”
“I told him I’m not, I didn’t pay for his brother’s first wedding either so in order not to show favoritism I’m willing to pay for his next wedding.”
“He blew up at me and called me an a**hole and left.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP received little to no support from the Reddit community, who all but unanimously agreed he WAS the a**hole for the way he spoke to his son.
Nearly everyone agreed that the OP was, indeed showing favoritism by paying for one son’s wedding and not the other, and definitely crossed the line with his remark about paying for his son’s “next wedding.”
“Oh damn.”
“That hurt me, and I’m not your son, lol.”
“YTA for saying that, but the petty in me respects that shade, lol.”- DontAskMeChit
“It’s your money, so it’s up to you.”
“Your comments were nasty and mean-spirited though.”
“If that’s the way you behave and speak to people, I’m not surprised your other daughter-in-law is cold towards you.”- CrazyCat_77
“YTA.”
“Not because you’re paying for the wedding, but for treating your other son like that.”
“No wonder your DIL doesn’t like you.”- Infamous_Control_778
“YTA.”
“You sound like King Lear, handing out cash to the kids that kiss your a** the most.”
“This isn’t about your sons’ wives, it’s about your sons, if you’re prepared to treat them this differently over this, I’d bet money it’s not the first time you’ve shown favoritism.”- Liveware_Failure
“YTA.”
“OP: ‘I gave a lot of money to one son for a wedding, but not the other because I like the other son’s wife more. I don’t think that means I’m playing favorites.”
“AITA commenters: ‘What? That is the definition of ‘playing favorites.YTA!'”
“OP: [shocked Pikachu face].” –Straight-Singer-2912
“You said this to your son?”
“That’s AH.”
“Look, you’re allowed to use your money as you see fit.”
“Your children aren’t entitled to your money.”
“However, if you show favoritism, you are going to ruin your relationship with the not favorite child/ren.”
“YTA because of what you said.”- Princess-She-ra
“Wait, did you just imply during the conversation that you think your son‘s marriage will fall apart?”
“YTA.”
“For the blatant favoritism AND for telling your son that you think there might be a divorce.”
“That‘s really insensitive and mean.”- realstareyes
“Somethings should be kept to yourself.”
“I would have voted n-t-a if you only said ‘it was different time. If you want, I’ll pay for the next one too’.”
“But insulting his wife was too far for my taste.”
“Grace and diplomacy are not for every situation.”
“This one should have been.”
“YTA.”- Fancy_Association484
“Honestly, I was on that end.”
“Ex-FIL helped my ex-husband and I, like twice, because he hated me to his core and let everyone know it.”
“TO CLARIFY his help was never expected.”
“Ever.”
“My ex reached out to him on a few occasions without my knowing, and he was declined because, well, he hated me.”
“FIL helped out his other two children because ‘they had better spouses with better careers.'”
“If you want to know why, I wasn’t ‘submissive’ and had sh*tty jobs.”
“He also had this thing where EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE needed to kiss his a** somehow/someway.”
“And that HE’S the boss at the family events.”
“Even at other people’s houses.”
“I never buckled for that sh*t.”
“He’d constantly ask when I was getting a new job in front of people, when I started working a call center job he tried to bring it to the dinner conversation about how it’s not reliable.”
“My exes aunts chimed in to ask nice questions about my job and how I do it.”
“Basically trying to let me know they know what he’s doing.”
“I got along with the aunts and uncles and cousins very well.”
“Blatantly told my ex to cheat on me and he’d cover for him, as a ‘joke.'”
“Those sh*tty (serving) jobs were supporting me and his son.”
“Who constantly, and I mean constantly drank and got fired.”
“Had DWIs.”
“His favoritism back-fired like a motherf*cker, now his son has been living with him for over a year.”
“Lost 2 jobs, has no car, no apt, nothing.”
“Currently riding him everywhere he needs to.”- Altruistic_Airline94
“YTA.”
“Hope the memory of those one-liners keeps you warm in the nursing home.”- neobeguine
“YTA.”
“This is why people resent MILs.”
“I don’t care that you don’t like your daughter-in-law.”
“That’s his wife.”
“Unless she did something completely egregious, or you have some sort of religious/moral issue with her (like she’s Jewish and your family is Muslim), you shouldn’t be complaining.”
“Even if she truly did something horrific and without apology or breaks some sort of family law you have going on, saying you didn’t pay because you didn’t like her is rotten.”
“You should have said, ‘I’m sorry, but I’ll be paying for your brother’s wedding’, and left it at that.”
“The issue isn’t that you didn’t pay for his wedding, but that you alienated your son and his wife.”-Demetrios7100
“I’m cold towards my in-laws and hardly ever speak to them.”
“Because they’re a**holes.”- samanandatha
A select few, however, didn’t think the OP was showing signs of favoritism, even if they think he still went too far by his “next wedding” remark.
“NAH.”
“You sound very generous, especially in the way you describe how pleased you are for your granddaughter.”
“I can see how one may be offended by your ‘next wedding’ comment, but I laughed out loud.”
“Great way to handle his silly favoritism remark.”
“It does however seem inappropriate to tell your son you don’t care for his wife.”
“As parents, we tend to forget our opinions don‘t always matter and don’t need to be shared.”-StormyNight78
“‘I’m willing to pay for his next wedding’ made me laugh like a madman.”
“YTA because the comment was mean, but the money is yours so you can spend it however you want.”
“You should be aware though that you might have just made irreparable damage to your relationship with your other son.”- Arillow
Sadly, not everyone gets along with their in-laws.
When this happens, however, the best thing anyone can do is make an effort and be cordial around one another, even if you’ll never be best friends.
One thing you should definitely not do is tell your child you don’t like their spouse. Seriously, why?!
Unless you want to potentially never speak to that child again.
Which sadly might be what’s in store for the OP and his son.