Money is always a touchy subject.
No matter who has it, who wants it, who needs it or wins it, it’s never easy in a relationship.
There never seems to be a perfectly nuanced way to discuss it without tension.
Money can be an especially dicey issue when it involves family.
Case in point…
Redditor No_Minimum_7226 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for ‘giving’ my cousin $50k against my wife’s wishes?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Had a belated Christmas gathering last week with my extended family.”
“The custom for this event is that we exchange ‘stocking stuffers’ – nothing over $10.”
“Ever since I’ve since we’ve had this gathering, I’ve always bought scratch off lottery tickets for all the adults.”
“As you would expect, they are almost always trash.”
“But every year we have a few hit for extra ticket, 2,5, even $10.”
“One year my uncle’s ticket hit for $50 and everyone went crazy. It’s always a good time.”
“So this year my 23 year old cousin goes nuts.”
“He holds his ticket up and claims that it just it hit for the max jackpot – $50,000.”
“Everyone rushes over, a couple of my uncles verify – yep this kid just won $50k.”
“I was f**king elated.”
“I scooped in him up in a big bear hug and said Merry Christmas you lucky a-hole.”
“He was screaming and his mom was actually in tears and whole room was excited.”
“It was literally one of the top ten experiences of my life.”
“I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I pull it out to see my wife has sent me a text message that says ‘Come out to the car.'”
“I go outside and can tell by her body language she is pissed.”
“She told me there is no way that we are giving my cousin $50k, then starts fussing at me about buying the lotto tickets to begin with.”
“Two things to explain: I’m not saying that $50k isn’t a lot of money – it’s a ton.”
“But I’m in my mid forties. I have a 2 decade professional career.”
“My wife is a stay at home mom by choice.”
“We drive late(r) model cars that are paid for.”
“Our retirements and the kids’ college accounts are fully funded.”
“Our only debt is the house. I’m saying this to show while $50k would be nice to have, it’s not life changing money for us.”
“My cousin, on the other hand. Just graduated from college.”
“His mom is single and was one of those fiercely independent women who refused charity.”
“She took on extra jobs to help him pay for school.”
“He worked at least two jobs himself while going to school full time and still managed Dean’s list.”
“But he still had to take out loans.”
“He landed a job, but he can’t afford a car yet or to live close to the office, so he’s looking at nearly a 2hr commute.”
“He’s also saving for an engagement ring for his sweet girlfriend of 3 years.”
“This money would literally change this kid’s life and frankly I think it couldn’t have gone to a better member of my family.”
“I explain to her that we’re not giving him $50k, we gave him a ticket I spent $5 on.”
“She’s not buying, and she won’t let it go.”
“She is now demanding I go back in there and take the ticket back from him, saying maybe we’ll give him some of it.”
“We argue a little bit, I can’t get her to explain why she wants this money so bad other than ‘it’s ours and you’re not giving it away.'”
“We fought all the way home and she hasn’t spoken more than a couple of words to me since.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Your wife wouldn’t want the ticket if it were worth $0 or even the $50 your uncle won would she?”
“She wouldn’t demand you’d go back in there and do some taksie-backsies for zero dollars.”
“Your wife is completely in the wrong.”
“You are right, you have not given away $50k, you gave him a gift that could have been worth $0 at the end of the day for a bit of a laugh and the lucky sod got lucky.”
“I would just not talk to her either and tell her I’m very disappointed in this poor show of character and hope she sleeps it off.”
“Besides, legally there were witnesses who saw you give the ticket to him as a gift and saw him scratch it and subsequently win.”
“Morally and legally it’s his money, not yours or hers.” ~ _its_only_forever
“Agreed! You have a history of giving lottery tickets.”
“You have witnesses that you gave these lottery tickets and witnesses that your cousin scratched off the winner.”
“She will not win any lawsuit because it was a gift of a ticket that could be worth $0 or $50k.”
“Trying to take back the money/ticket will blow up the family for nothing.”
“I agree that you should speak with your cousin and assure him that it belongs to him and say that if your wife contacts him to tell you and to ignore her.”
“I also suggest that you tell your cousin that the money is 100% percent his.”
“Many people get badgered into giving up part of it to try to make peace.”
“I hope your wife calms down but it is crazy that she thinks you guys would still have any rights to that ticket and worse that it isn’t coming from a place of desperate need (facing homelessness, etc).”
“A BIG congratulations to you cousin!!!! It sounds like fate was very kind. NTA.” ~ MadPenguin1
“I wonder where the wife is coming from.”
“Like, what makes her this greedy? Does she have a terrible past experience with money?”
“I feel like it’s something that probably has to be worked through.”
“But also NTA because it’s the cousin’s money now, in every way possible.” ~ Ladderzat
“NTA. If your wife got a present of a $5 lottery ticket and won 50k, she wouldn’t wanna give it back to the person she got the ticket from… would she?”
“If the answer is no, and we all know it will be.”
“It’s purely about the money. Not the gift.”
“Now if you just up and gave away 50k hard earned dollars saved up for years without discussing the household or your intentions, sure!”
“That would merit some major discussion and stuff.”
“What does she want 50k for? Why is this so important to her?”
“Yes, everyone would be delighted with 50k, but you have the kid a 5 dollar scratch card with a chance, you didn’t give him actual 50 thousand dollars to his account or in cash as a gift.”
“It’s not something you had to give, nor something you would have.”
“It’s not even really from you, you gave him a chance, but the lottery system is the one that’s paying out not your household.” ~ Sirix_8472
“OP should send a text to his cousin telling him that watching him win $50K was one of the best experiences of his life.”
“And that he hopes he spends it wisely, just in case his wife directly contacts the cousin about wanting the money back.”
“This way everyone will know she’s the greedy one. NTA.” ~ kreeves9
“NTA – and great idea here.”
“Legally she’s not entitled to it whatsoever.”
“She will have an entire family, including the guy that bought the ticket, supporting the fact that this ticket was purchased as part of routine gift giving.”
“Your wife sounds like she sucks. Sorry mate.” ~ ConcupescentCupid
“Even if the 50k is worth having his family hate them, why on earth would they give it back?”
“If OP and/or his wife were like ‘give it back’ or tired to take it, his family would likely (and rightfully) just be like ‘no.'”
“It was given to this young man. It legally belongs to him. There are a ton of witnesses.”
“They’d hate her and she’d get squat. NTA.” ~ TheHatOnTheCat
Well that is a lot to digest.
There is definitely no confusion when it comes to Reddit’s thoughts on this matter.
Don’t let money be the cause of chaos and vitriol.
Let’s hope this couple will calm down and come together sooner rather than later.
And CONGRATULATIONS cousin!