It's always nerve-wracking when we introduce our romantic partners to our parents.
There is often fear from all relevant parties of being disliked.
Most of the time, this is little more than a fear, there are some unlucky ones who do not find their partner's parents remotely enamored of them.
Worse still, they might learn this was never a possibility.
The mother of Redditor Shootur did not have a good relationship with the original poster (OP)'s fiancée.
Constantly making for tense family gatherings.
Recently, however, the OP demanded that his mother apologize to his fiancée, or risk never meeting her new grandson.
After receiving blowback from his extended family, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to let my parents meet my newborn until they apologize to my partner?"
The OP explained why he was blocking his mother from meeting his new baby boy:
"I (31 M[ale]) and my fiance (29 F[emale]) recently brought a baby boy into the world about 5 weeks ago and we are incredibly happy with how our little family is turning out."
"However my parents have not met him yet, and at this point, I don't want them to."
"My partner had a complicated birth and she requested nobody in the hospital room other than me for the entire thing."
"My mom specifically had A LOT to say about this, things along the lines of 'I already gave birth to 3 babies, I know what to do better than anyone, and i can TEACH her how to be a mother from the start'."
"Maybe this came from a good place; however, she never liked my fiancée, so I don't believe her comments had good intentions."
"For example, when we found out we were pregnant, we took our families out to dinner, and my mom made a very nasty comment that changed our relationship with her drastically, saying to my fiancée, 'You wont be the last woman my son has a child with, so think deeply about having that baby'."
"When we got home from the hospital, we were overrun with messages from family to see the baby."
"We politely declined any visitation as my fiancée wanted time."
'However, her uncle (who is almost like a father to her) came by unannounced only to drop off homemade food for us."
"In doing so, my fiancée wanted to see her uncle, so he is the ONLY family member at this time who has met our son."
"My mom found out, and is OUTRAGED."
"She demanded to meet her grandson, and I put my foot down and told her no."
"My fiancée heard the phone conversation, and she told me she can't deal with the constant drama and to maybe just let her come over to meet the baby already and get over this hump."
"I disagreed with this decision, as I have always hated the way my mom talks about my fiancée and this is basically my 'stand'."
"Yes, I fully understand my mom is out of line."
"However, my mom has basically turned my entire family against me, saying how horrible a son I am for keeping the grandmother away from her grandson."
"I've been with my fiancée for 6 years."
"However, before her, I was in a serious relationship with my 'high school sweetheart' for a very long time."
"We grew up together, as my mom basically adopted that woman at the time of our relationship."
"My mom was VERY close with her, and our relationship ended in a very horrible way, which my mom just could not stand for."
"Despite my pleading to give up contact with my ex, my mom still talks to her to this day and gives her updates on my life that I know of."
"My fiancée is not necessarily the jealous type, and she tells me it's okay that my mom brings up my ex in conversations sometimes, but I personally think it's ridiculous."
"I believe this is the reason my mom will not accept my fiancée at this time."
"That is also the reasoning behind her comment about our baby at the restaurant."
"My fiancée is non confrontational and suffers with social anxiety, so all this drama is not good for her, despite how my mom treats her, she just wants peace."
"This is why I am questioning this."
"This is becoming more drama than I can take, and so... AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to let his mother see her grandson.
Everyone agreed that the OP's mother needed to learn that her behavior was not acceptable and would no longer be tolerated:
"NTA."
"Set the boundary now and enforce it."
"You cannot let people learn that an outrage-style temper tantrum will let them bully you into doing what they want."
"This is your child."
"Not theirs."
"It is not their place to decide how you introduce the baby to the family and when."
"The only reason your fiancée is looking to cave is that your mother is out of control and abusive."
"If you let this work now, this is how things will always be."
"Set the rule now and enforce it."- VetTechLife457
"NTA."
"Bro, you’re a goddamned hero."
"Standing like a wall between your overbearing mother and the mother of your child."
"So many of these end with 'you have a husband problem,' but your wife is like maybe we should just do it for peace…and you’re like that meme of the guy shielding his person from arrows."
"Goddamn son."
"You should be proud of yourself."
"If you don’t protect her, who will?"
"Considering this is a grandchild she LITERALLY said out loud she didn’t want, you keep it up."
"Anyone who agrees with your mom doesn’t get to see the baby either."- binjamins
"NTA."
"This line right here: 'You won't be the last woman my son has a child with, so think deeply about having that baby', for that I would be low contact heading towards no contact."
"Your wife is not thinking clearly about boundaries."
"If you give in to the pressure to let your mom see the baby, it will never end."
"Once you set a boundary, you need to stick with it."
"If your mom wants to be a nasty person (I had another word and the filter told me it was not allowed), you don't have to give her access to your family."
"If you do, it will be a battle that will rage on for years."- Boogity2024
"Time to go NC with your mom and anyone who agrees with her!"
"NTA - Good for you to stand up for your fiancée, and I love that her Uncle while came over unannounced it was to be helpful to you!"- Lunar-Eclipse0204
"Uncle come back just to drop off homemade food and not see baby."
"Daaam keeper.."
"I bet he also be one who help you clean the house for your wife too."
"Go NC or LC.
"And anyone says you're a horrible son, just be like 'Ok Cool so you're on the do not meet the baby list, thanks for the heads up'."
"And just mute/block their stuff."
"Just keep adding to your mute or block list."
"Good on you for protecting your wife from your fam."
"You are a keeper!"
"NTA."- Bratchan
"NTA."
"You will never get this time back with your partner and your baby."
"Your mom can kick rocks."
"Protect your new family!"- sassyfontaine
"NTA."
"Do not expose your wife and baby to someone hostile."
"You are doing the right thing."- Rayonjersey
"NTA."
"You are respecting your partner’s wants."
"Your partner is just trying to keep the peace, but you are abiding by her original wishes."
"And the fact that your mom is going on a smear campaign is so dumb."
"She’s not entitled to any relationship just because she is 'grandma,' and you’re right to keep that boundary."- GunWifey
"NTA at all."
"This is almost verbatim what Livia says to Tony in The Sopranos (my son will get bored of you), and she is supposed to be the definition of a narcissist trying to cause problems in other people's lives."
"Your mom sounds unhinged, and you should 100% side with your fiancée here."
"If you don't establish boundaries now with your mother and give her what she wants, she will never learn to respect you and your fiancée's wishes."- HunnySThompson
In a perfect world, we all just want everyone to get along and try to do what we need to do to make it happen.
Sometimes, however, the only way to maintain peace is to keep people apart.
Until the OP's mother proves otherwise, it seems that the OP and his family staying in contact with her will always lead to an unhappy situation.
