Redditor ZealousidealTea5062 and her husband are new parents.
The joyous couple was told by their pediatrician to limit baby kisses to just themselves for the first several weeks.
This, understandably, was met with disappointment from family excited to meet the newest member.
Notably, the Original Poster’s (OP’s) mother-in-law took issue with this rule.
This caused friction between the OP and her MIL, ultimately driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to stop kissing my own baby?”
She went on to explain the situation.
“My husband [Male age 25] and I [Female age 25] have a six-week-old daughter. She’s our first baby and the first grandchild in both of our families.”
“We were advised by our pediatrician to not allow anyone besides ourselves to kiss our baby for the first 8-12 weeks minimum.”
“This has been communicated to both of our families who have been respectful of this (as well as our other boundaries/rules) despite a little bit of grumbling about it from his side.”
“Last weekend we were over at my in-laws house and I had just finished breastfeeding my daughter, so she was all sleepy. I kissed her forehead before settling her to nap on my chest.”
“My MIL noticed and immediately remarked on it in a super passive-aggressive manner: ‘Oh, I’m so glad that we’re able to kiss [baby] now! Did your pediatrician update the rules?’”
“I was super confused and asked her what she meant and that the pediatrician’s recommendation hadn’t changed. She then accused me of violating the rules by kissing my own baby.”
“I told her that the recommendation was that no one besides myself and my husband kiss our daughter, and she argued and heavily implied that I was being dishonest…”
“…because I’d previously said ‘nobody can kiss the baby’ rather than ‘nobody but husband and I can kiss the baby.’”
“She went on and on about this until I snapped that it should’ve been obvious that the rules we told her regarding our baby were about what we would/wouldn’t allow OTHER PEOPLE people to do.”
“She called me a hypocrite so I got up and shut myself in the guest room while my daughter continued to nap on me.”
“A little while later MIL came in and ‘apologized,’ claiming it was a kneejerk reaction and she was just confused and upset. She said she understands now that the rule only applies to other people.”
“She then asked me if I would avoid kissing my baby in front of her until she’s allowed to do so as well, because it’s upsetting to see me doing that and knowing that she can’t.”
“I told her I can understand that it’s frustrating to have strong urge to kiss a baby and not be able to. But I am personally not going to stop kissing my own baby for the sake of her feelings.”
“MIL is calling me disrespectful and a hypocrite and has gotten SIL on board with this as well.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“What’s next, is she going to ask you to stop breastfeeding in front of her since she doesn’t get to do it too?”
“She needs to back off.” – Swirlyflurry
“NTA: if you like, I’d be happy to politely tell your MIL to go to hell. In all honesty, your spouse needs to deal with this.”
“The rule should always always be: “your parent, your problem” (excepting those handful of situations where the in-laws like the spouse more than their own kid).” – Zthehumam
“NTA.”
“This is a perfect opportunity for some malicious compliance, though.”
“If she doesn’t want to see you kiss your baby because its soOoOo hard, you guys should stop visiting her entirely until the baby is older.”
“You’re just respecting her wishes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” – LadySmuag
“This is absurd. You need to just limit contact with these nut jobs until your baby has had her immunizations. Your husband needs to step up here and deal with his relatives.”
“Incidentally, when YOU kiss YOUR baby, you pick up bacteria and viruses on her skin. Your body, with its mature immune system, creates antibodies which are delivered to her at her next feeding.”
“NTA” – Traveler691
“Definitely NTA”
“What is with this obsession that people have for kissing OTHER peoples babies, especially that young. Bugs the hell out of me.” – apritch7
“NTA – what’s next, is she gonna ask you to stop breastfeeding the baby because she can’t breastfeed the baby?”
“Tell her she’s being absurd and if she wants to keep seeing her grandchild, she needs to do some growing up herself.” – Loading-Laundry
“NTA”
“The reason the pediatrician asked this is that adults can very easily pass herpes (from cold sores) to babies and their immune systems aren’t strong enough.”
“An acquaintance of mine’s baby died because a relative kissed her baby with a not yet visible sore.” – EnglishMuffin-
“NTA you are literally following medical advice, and also giving your baby the necessary skin contact that infants need.”
“If your MIL can’t take this, your husband should be mediating the interactions, not you, and you should consider going LC with her.” – AceyAceyAcey
“Why is your mil acting like she never experienced being a mother. That’s your child, you breastfeed her and you have the mother and child bond thats good for the well being.”
“Your mil is basically an outsider, she could’ve pick diseases from outside of your home that’s the main reason why no one should be allowed to kiss someone’s baby” – hopelesslyflawedmd
“NTA. She sounds incredibly possessive already. Just watch out for if this kind of behavior increases.”
“My partner’s sibling just recently had to cut their mom off from seeing their baby because she repeatedly wouldn’t respect them…”
“…and would wake him up throughout the day and come inside the house without asking” – Open_Description9554
“Wow. Why can’t people accept that the doctor’s advice regarding a newborn may change from generation to generation?! It’s not a dig at previous advice!”
“A new mom ( and dad but especially mom) is so fragile about trying to do everything exactly right that she simply doesn’t need this stress.”
“If the grandparents think she is going overboard, why can’t they just smile to themselves and remember how they were at first also?! NTA. The MIL is being very unfair.” – mskmoc2
“NTA”
“The entitlement runs strong in this woman. Imagine trying to control your affection for your own child. She is going to be a problem and you’ll need to make rules and enforce them with her.”
“Good luck and make sure your husband has your back.” – tatersprout
“Jeeesus, people are so creepily entitled when it comes to babies. Imagine how this would look and sound if it was about anyone else?”
“Throwing a tantrum because she isn’t allowed to kiss your husband? ‘Why are only you allowed to kiss your husband?’”
“Or if the same thing happens when the baby is 5, and the child itself says it doesn’t want kisses. Will she be upset then too?”
“Wtf, just let it go MIL, don’t kiss someone without consent, and right now the giving consent is with the parents bc it’s a baby.”
“NTA ofc, keep the boundaries firm around your child.” – OneFuzzyBlueberry
“This is wild. NTA: 1000000% NTA. Like i dont even know how to explain the way this makes me feel.”
“If someone called me a hypocrite and disrespectful for not wanting to stop kissing my own infant just because they cant kiss my child, i would literally stare at them and walk out the door.”
“Like Buhbye. Now youll never kiss the baby you selfish weirdo. Just the absolute audacity of this woman.”
“To want you to stop showing affection to your child around her just because she cant in the uber specific way she wants to is insane to me.”
“Like way to go grandma you care more about your own feelings than your actual grandbaby and her health.”
“I hope your hubby has your back, I’m sorry your having to deal with this.”
“It wasn’t fair of her to of asked you that and you in no way are being rude, or disrespectful for putting your foot down.” – Unhinged_Ferret
“Most people get herpes by an older person kissing them as a baby, that’s sadly just how it is. And what would make MIL think that the mom can nurse her baby but not kiss her own baby.”
“That’s literally an exchange of bodily fluids in the end and moms body is adapting to babies immune system needs by the saliva exchange during nursing.”
“But this also happens when mothers do not nurse from the breast but pump the milk and feed with a bottle.”
“Moms milk still adapts to babies needs and it’s suspected that the close contact and kissing is the reason. So mom is completely different than MIL.”
“Also when people get older the immune system gets weaker and they are more likely to have a break out and infect a baby.”
“Large populations of the world have this virus and it gets so often transmitted to babies. Personally I don’t want anyone to kiss my babies face or hands, even when a bit older.”
“It’s not necessary to bond with someone else’s baby like that. NTA.” – ZookeepergameNew3800
Setting boundaries, particularly when it comes to the health and safety of your kids, is imperative for all parents.
Congratulations on the new baby OP, and for being a good mother already.