Families come in all sizes and combinations and that is ok.
The right way to create a family is with love.
But what if your in-laws don’t see your family the same way? What if they say things that devalue your family and undermine your authority?
Situations like this at hurtful for all involved, including the kids. One Redditor by the name of throwawayaitamil encountered just such a hurtful comment from her mother-in-law.
She turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit to see if she was in the wrong.
She asked:
“AITA for leaving a family gathering and insisting MIL apologize ‘over M&Ms‘?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained the monster-in-law situation.
“My wife (34F) and I (31F) have two wonderful children (4 male & 4 female twins).”
“They were conceived with my wife’s eggs, a known sperm donor, and I carried/birthed them. Both kids ended up being practical clones of my wife so it’s pretty clear to everyone who contributed the genetic material.”
“My in-laws had everyone together at their house earlier this month, we’re all vaccinated, and the weather was nice so we had a BBQ. My kids were outside playing with their cousins, and SIL, MIL, and I were chatting in the kitchen.”
“At one point my two run inside from playing and ask if they can have some M&Ms that they see on the counter. I tell them ‘no, we’ll be eating in 15 minutes, you can have them after dinner’.”
“They run back out and MIL excuses herself to go outside. A little bit later SIL and I get the call that food is ready so we go outside and I see my kids each have a little cup full of M&Ms that they are eating.”
“I tell my kids that they knew they were not supposed to be eating those and took away the cups. MIL comes over and says that she gave them the M&Ms and they can have them.”
“To which I replied ‘no they can’t it’s dinner time, you were there when I told them no.’ MIL says again that ‘they can have some chocolate it’s fine’, and tries to take the cups out of my hands!”
“We go back and forth with no-yes-no for a minute, prompting wife to start walking over to us, just in time to hear MIL say, in front of my kids, ‘I’m saying it’s okay, they aren’t even your kids, they’re [wife’s], just give them the chocolate’.”
“Wife had MIL repeat herself, and said something like ‘absolutely not, we’re leaving’. I put the M&Ms on the nearest table, grabbed both my kids (who were now softly crying) and started to pack our stuff.”
“The whole event erupted into chaos, FIL screaming about the disrespect of us leaving, grandmother crying, BIL and SIL arguing with FIL, MIL crying that her only daughter is ‘abandoning her’, it was a mess.”
“After a couple hours at home the kids seemed okay, but MIL saying I’m not their mom really scared them.”
“Wife spent about 4 hours on rotating phone calls with all of her family, from FIL screaming at her, MIL crying over how we took her grandkids away over M&Ms and made her out to be a bad grandma, BIL trying to get in the drama, grandmother depressed saying she would die without seeing her great grandkids again.”
“Wife’s message to all of them was that MIL needed to apologize to me and to our children for what she said. We made it clear that we would have no problem spending time with grandmother and BIL’s family, but we would not bring the kids around MIL until she apologized.”
“As you can guess, the apology has not happened, but the phone calls of guilt trips, yelling, and crying have not let up. I feel an apology is not even a big deal, and at this point MIL is making the choice not to see her grandkids.”
“I want to hold firm, but I know how hard this all is on my wife, even if I really don’t think it’s my fault.”
“AITA for insisting on an apology?”
Redditors gave their judgment on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors had no tolerance for such homophobic behavior and quickly declared OP was NTA.
“10,000% NTA. I’m giving your wife a virtual high five. Way to go for her to stand for you against her family like that. Ngl, but I sorta teared up a little when MIL said that in front of YOUR kids. What an awful awful awful awful thing to say.”
“How traumatic for them to hear that. There’s just so much wrong with what happened. You and wife are doing the right thing by shelving hangouts with MIL until she wises up and apologizes. Oh my god, that just made me so angry to read.”~carbinePRO
“NTA. But please keep in mind that MIL revealed how she really feels. She genuinely believes her parental rights supersede yours – and if you get some superficial apology, that’s still a pretty lonely and scary place for you to be. You should definitely expect more than an apology — you need real contrition.”~jmgolden33
“NTA. This was said specifically to inflict pain. To diminish your family. Even after an apology not sure with that homophobic behavior I’d see her again. You birthed those kids. She knew exactly what it meant when she said it.”~PtEternity29
“NTA. It was not about M&Ms. It’s about MIL disrespecting your rules and going behind your back, and ultimately offending you by suggesting the kids aren’t even yours (come on… you GAVE BIRTH TO THEM and you are RAISING THEM!). MIL should really rethink her behaviour and apologize.”~No-Jellyfish-1208
We hope this MIL sees how hurtful her comment was not only for OP but for her family as well.
She chose to create the problem. It’s going to be up to her to fix it.
Denigrating her daughter’s family was out of line.
Love is what matters.