Just like family drama, homophobia seems to never go out of style.
Redditor throwaway5289392 recently had an incident on a family vacation with his in-laws that pushed him to his breaking point.
The Original Poster (OP) turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for help.
He asked:
“AITA for leaving a family vacation early because my husband and I were expected to sleep in different beds?”
He went on to explain.
“For my FIL’s [58-year-old Male] birthday this year, my MIL [57-year-old Female] planned a weeklong trip with their four children (EDIT: my husband is the second-oldest) and their respective partners.”
“They rented out a nice house near the beach and the cost for the airbnb was split equally between the attending couples.”
“My husband [31-year-old Male] and I [29-year-old Male] drove down there this week and when we arrived in our (EDIT: pre-assigned) room, we were surprised to find two single beds.”
“At first, we shrugged it off and figured we could simply push them against each other, but we quickly found out that the headboards of the beds were drilled to the wall.”
“(EDIT: The headboards were attached to both the wall and the bed frame. I assume it’s to prevent renters from moving the beds and possibly damaging the flooring etc.)”
“I asked my MIL why she had chosen a house that didn’t have enough double beds to hold all of the couples that were invited and she told me to stop making a fuss because it wasn’t that big of a deal.”
“I then asked why she hadn’t mentioned it beforehand and she rolled her eyes at me, saying that I was overdramatic, a ‘walking stereotype’ and that me not clinging to her son for a little while might be for the best.”
“Considering she has made some borderline homophobic comments in the past (she claims they’re jokes), I was quite uncomfortable and based on her remarks.”
“I felt like she had given the room with the single beds to the only gay couple on purpose.”
“I said that if it wasn’t that big of a deal, surely she and her husband would be happy to switch rooms with us.”
“But she once again told me that I should quit making a fuss and walked away from the conversation.”
“Afterwards, my husband tried talking to his mother but he wasn’t anymore successful than I had been and at this point.”
“I was reaching my breaking point, so I asked my husband if he’d like to spend our vacation at a hotel (as we had both taken the week off work anyway).”
“He agreed and we booked us a room at a hotel a few towns away.”
“My MIL has accused us of ruining her husband’s birthday and “dividing the family”, because two of my husband’s siblings support our decision.”
“My in-laws and the last sibling have been texting me, calling me an AH for turning my husband against his family and egoistically manipulating the vacation.”
“So, AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA, based on her behavior. From what you’ve said, it does sound like she intentionally gave “the gay couple” separate beds. You didn’t ruin the vacation. Her homophobia did.” – Rredhead926
“NTA”
“If it was not a big thing, MIL could have taken the room herself. She did this on purpose.”
“YOu handled that AH well.” – TinyCost2291
“NTA. ‘(She told me) that me not clinging to her son for a little while might be for the best.’
“This woman is hostile towards you and homophobic.”
“A kind, sensitive person would make sure they DIDN’T give the gay couple the room with two single beds, precisely because they wouldn’t want it to seem intentional.”
“You felt disrespected because she disrespected you. You don’t have to confront her about it, but you are entirely right to move.”
“Anyone claiming that you ruined the vacation is conflict-averse and cowardly. She committed the offense; you established a boundary.”
“Establishing a reasonable boundary is not being dramatic or manipulative, but people without the guts to stand up to abuse will always act as if the person who does is the problem, not the abuser.”
“To hell with that.” – SevenCarrots
“NTA. If the last sibling thought it was so unimportant, they could have traded rooms with you. I note that they did not.” – jaccajjaccaj
“I missed you and your husband’s genders at the beginning and assumed you were a woman and a man.”
“About halfway through, I’m like, oh, this is definitely a same-sex couple with the way she’s reacting.”
“Went back, and sure enough, I was right. We all know the real reason you didn’t get a double bed. NTA” – WiptyWap
“NTA.”
“If you’re grown adults with your own money, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to be as comfortable as you can on vacation.”
“Edit: Okay, serious question for everybody because I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here:”
“Do they make beds where the headboard doesn’t attach to the frame of the bed? Where the headboard is mounted to the wall and the frame of the bed can just move around?”
“Because multiple redditors seem to think this type of bed exists, and I just can’t wrap my head around WHY this type of bed would exist.” – VinnyCapistrano
“NTA, the issue here is not the 2 single beds but MIL disrespect and refusal to acknowledge you and your partner’s relationship.”
“Try asking the MIL if it would be ok to swap room with her room then if she wants to ‘unite the family’, or at least ask her to change the room to one with a double bed.”
“Maybe even ask to swap room with the last sibling then, since they can be the good Samaritan in this case.” – DinoChickenNugget2
“NTA. If she hadn’t said those comments before and made the comments when you asked, I would have sucked it up. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“But it does seem like she intentionally did it, especailly since she never mentioned it ahead of the vacation and completely dismissed you when asked baout it.”
“the “walking stereotype” would have ticked me off too.” – throwwzzzzzzzzzzzzz
“NTA.”
“I’m gay and would’ve just kind of went with it personally cause whatever we can sleep a few feet apart, and not attributed it to homophobia.”
“But the fact that she called you “a walking stereotype” and wouldn’t entertain the idea of switching rooms definitely shows her motivations.”
“Any complaints that you are dividing the family holds no water, considering that it is his mom that has a history of homophobic comments.” – Fitness-Throwaweigh
“NTA: This was so about you being gay. I hope you don’t pay your share of the Airbnb.”
“When/if you do spend time with the family I hope you hold each other’s hands and call each other ‘sweetie’ as often as possible. Let her see what love and support looks like.” – debdnow
“NTA. Your husband agreed to get a hotel a few towns away, knowing it was his dad’s birthday, and he was unfazed by this decision to follow your lead.”
“Congrats on having a partner that supports you and obviously views you as a priority!”
“This is also likely the reason the MIL seems to dislike you is the fact her son has made you the priority, and she doesn’t feel like she is anymore.”
“She can be angry all she wants, but her choice to “randomly” give you this room speaks volumes.”
“It’s one thing if she called you both up and said there’s one room with only single beds, and all the siblings upon arrival will have to draw straws. That would be entirely fair that a random couple ends up with this room.”
“But to assign rooms seems intentional.”
“I would not have ever suggested that we switch rooms with my MIL and FIL. They’re older, and it’s the FIL’s birthday, so to me that would have not been a comment I made.”
“In my culture, we don’t put out seniors or elders.” – archetyping101
“NTA. I mean it could happen that this was the best place they could find but then they should have said there were twin beds in one bedroom and let the siblings sort out the sleeping arrangements.”
“As it was done, it’s clearly hostile and you were right to leave and get a nice hotel.” – Chemical_Cut7396
“NTA it was on purpose. If it wasn’t she would have”
“1. Mentioned the separate beds not wait until you went into the room to find it”
“2. “Not made a comment about being a “walking stereotype” or you being clingy towards your husband.”
“3. Would have offered to switch or tried to come up with a solution (hey maybe there’s a store where we can grab an air mattress for you).”
“4. “Explained why she picked this house in particular (this was the only one I could find that could fit everyone and be within our price range)”
“People like this think they’re being slick with their homophobia. She will just put you in separate beds. Take passive-aggressive digs. Treat you differently but not be outright with it.”
“Good on both of you for walking away. Don’t just suck it up or put up with it because it would just reinforce that she can do this in the future and you’ll do nothing.”
“Removing yourself from the situation removes her control.”
“She ruined her husband’s birthday because she was more worried about being homophobic than just “sucking it up” and pretending to be a decent human being for the duration of the vacation.”
“If 2/3 siblings also took issue with it that means she said stuff prior to your arrival that makes them also think she did it on purpose.”
“My suggestion? Block her and her husband and the sibling on her side. Offer to meet up with the decent members of the family for lunch or dinner or whatever.”
“If people cannot treat you with basic respect, they do not deserve any from you.” – makeupaddict8916
Stupid games win stupid prizes.