Pronunciation can be difficult.
It may take a little work to learn a person’s unique name, but it is doable.
At least it’s doable for people who want to learn.
Some people just go with their own interpretations.
Option two isn’t always well received.
Redditor LilLustyLucy wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for correcting my I[n]-L[aw]s when they mispronounce my name?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (27 F[emale]) have a name that isn’t super common in the U.S., but it’s not that hard to pronounce.”
“Think something like ‘Leena,’ but my in-laws keep saying ‘Lana.’”
“It’s a small difference, but it makes my name sound completely different.”
“I’ve been with my husband (30 M[ale]) for five years, married for two, and his parents have never gotten it right.”
“At first, I thought they just needed time to adjust.”
“They’re in their 60s, and I get that learning a new name might take a second.”
“But we see them often, and I’ve corrected them so many times.”
“My husband says I should let it go because ‘it’s not intentional,’ but at what point does it stop being accidental and start being just… dismissive?”
“It’s not like they struggle with pronunciation in general.”
“They can say names like ‘Giovanni’ or ‘Schwarzenegger’ just fine.”
“My husband’s mom even talks about how much she loves learning about different cultures, but when it comes to my name, she always shrugs it off with, ‘Well, you know who I mean!’”
“The last straw was at a family dinner last weekend.”
“His mom was introducing me to her friend and said, ‘This is our D[aughter]-I[n]-L[aw], Lana.’”
“I laughed a little and said, ‘Almost! It’s Leena.’”
“She sighed and said, ‘Oh, you’re so particular,’ in front of everyone.”
“It was embarrassing.”
“I just smiled and let it go, but later, I told my husband I didn’t think it was fair.”
“He got defensive and said I was making his mom feel bad over something ‘so small.’”
“I honestly don’t think I’m being unreasonable.”
“I’m not asking them to learn a new language, just my actual name.”
“But now I feel like I’m being that person—overly sensitive and nitpicking.”
“My best friend says I should just answer to it because ‘older people don’t change,’ but I don’t want to set the precedent that my name doesn’t matter.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for continuing to correct them?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA at all.”
“What are you being particular about?”
“That people know your actual name after five years?”
“They’re almost certainly doing it on purpose, right?”
“Your husband sucks.”
“How can he say you made his mom feel small by this one incident when he doesn’t give a s**t that they can’t get your name right after five years?”
“Like of course that will make you feel small!”
“Have you discussed this with him over the years?”
“How is he okay with this treatment of his wife?”
“What is he doing about it?”
“I’m really curious if there’s some sort of racial or cultural dimension at play.”
“Five years is a long time without any underlying issues.” ~ Traditional_Bug_2046
“G[irl]F[riend], you’re NTA but you have a husband problem, not just an in-law problem.”
“He should have stepped in and shut this down immediately.”
“They are being willfully rude and disrespectful and your husband should be on your side.” ~ pacazpac
“NTA You look her in the face, and you say, ‘If you don’t learn my name, you will never know my children’s.’”
“And then laugh.”
“Cuz you can make jokes too.”
“Sheesh. You can get them back if/when you do have kids.”
“Whatever they want their grandparent’s name to be.”
“Change it.”
“Mom wants Grandma and Grandpa.”
“Now they are MeMaw and PopPop.”
“Cuz names don’t matter right?”
“Oh, this annoys me to no end.” ~ Maleficent_Tailor
“NTA. Your in-laws are passive-aggressive jerks and are doing it intentionally knowing how disrespectful they are being.”
“Also, your husband needs to grow a spine, he needs to stick up for you, and he needs to stop being such a mama’s boy.” ~ DA-7400
“NTA, but they are and so is your husband.”
“After FIVE YEARS they still can’t get it right—-it IS intentional, and they have no respect for you AT ALL.”
“They probably don’t even like you. That includes your husband.”
“Every time they say it wrong, and he doesn’t correct them, he is choosing them over you.” ~ CreativeMusic5121
“NTAH but your husband kind of is.”
“And your M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] certainly is.”
“I’ve become a firm believer of pausing, titling my head, and responding to passive-aggressive behavior like you MIL’s with: ‘Are you okay (name)?'”
“Discredit her.”
“'(Name) has been confused for some time now. My name is Leena. It’s okay (name), it’s okay.’”
“Overly concerned, and condescending are the way I’d go with this.”
“Admit nothing.” ~ Objective_Purpose768
“Start mispronouncing your husband’s and in-law’s names.”
“See how long it takes for them to have an issue with something ‘so small’… NTA.” ~ Crafty_Quantity_3162
“I’m 62 years old and sharp as a tack.”
“People in their 60’s aren’t doddering old fools.”
“Unless your in-laws have brain health issues this is 100% intentional.”
“It’s exactly what it looks like… disrespect.”
“There’s no way, after 5 years, they don’t know your name.”
“Your MIL is trying to tear you down bit by bit, piece by piece.”
“She wants you gone.”
“Now to the real issue.”
“You have a HUSBAND PROBLEM.”
“He’s being as disrespectful as they are.”
“This man thinks you should let his mother disrespect you day after day and year after year.”
“He expects you to suck it up and take it? NO.”
“Honestly I wouldn’t go to their home anymore.”
“No family dinners or outings. “
“It’s time to cut them off.”
“Stand your ground.”
“If your husband refuses to have your back then you polish up your spine and make their disrespect of you the elephant in the room.”
“Call them out!”
“Call them by the wrong name.”
“Call your husband by the wrong name.”
“Don’t stop when they ask what you’re doing.”
“Keep it up!”
“If your shiny spine causes marriage problems, so be it.”
“Your husband is a flaming AH, and he needs to realize that.”
“I’ve been married 42 years and don’t take divorce lightly, but this right here?”
“THIS would be my hill to die on.”
“You have the power to stop this.”
“Do it for you.” ~ Ok_Clerk_6960
“NTA. It’s very disrespectful of them to act like it doesn’t matter.”
“Try mispronouncing your husband’s name to him for a day, and I bet he’ll find it grating.”
“I think it is important for you to get your husband to understand where you’re coming from, even if he disagrees.”
“But you may never change his parents.” ~ WorriedConcentrate19
“NTA – the way she mentioned you were being particular, it appears as though she knows how to pronounce your name, or knows that it bothers you that she doesn’t say it right.”
“She just doesn’t respect you enough to say it correctly after all these years.”
“Correct them anytime it happens.”
“If they get embarrassed because you are correcting their mispronunciation, then perhaps they should make sure they are pronouncing the name correctly.”
“I hate when people attempt to gaslight you into making you feel bad for pointing out something like that.”
“Your husband needs to support you more and not side with his parents.” ~ blossom_angel1985
“NTA… that’s absurd honestly for you to have been in their lives for this long and refusing to correctly pronounce your name.”
“What happens if they were to do this with a future grandchild?”
“Would your husband be so quick to brush it off then?” ~ Dry-Rip-9598
“NTA. It’s not small it’s your f**king name.”
“I honestly don’t know what you can do other than calling them all the wrong names, starting with your husband.”
“I think that’s a ridiculous and petty thing to do, but nothing else has worked!” ~ Sweet_Cinnabonn
“NTA, but I hate to tell you, you have a husband problem.”
“It’s not a small thing. It’s your identity, and the fact that they cannot respect that is a big and a major issue.”
“If mother-in-law keeps it up, or the next time she brings it up, since your husband won’t do s**t, look at her, and with all seriousness, ask father-in-law or your husband if they have taken her to the doctors yet to talk about the possibility.”
“She hasn’t Alzheimer’s or dementia as one of the first signs of it is problems with names a grateful and obedient daughter-in-law you’re worried about her health as she can’t seem to remember a name with a little letters.” ~ Difficult_Muscle9110
“NTA, but as the internet says, you don’t have an in-law problem. You have a husband problem.”
“He needs to have your back, and he should have shut this down years ago.” ~ Azhreia
“I’m probably closer to your mil’s age than your age, and unless these people have literal dementia, there is zero reason for this mistake.”
“ZERO… and certainly not age. NTA.” ~ thatotterone
“How have you not started mispronouncing their names?”
“You are much less petty than I am, and I don’t think I’m a petty person by Reddit standards.”
“Also, your husband needs to step the f**k up.”
“I’d include him in the mispronunciation circle of pettiness. NTA.” ~ IHaveBoxerDogs
“NTA. Stop responding when they call you by the wrong name.”
“When MIL says ‘you know who I mean’ respond with ‘No, I don’t, because that’s not my name.'”
“Then you need to have a conversation with your husband for allowing his parents to disrespect you for so many years.” ~ CrystalTwylyght
“NTA, time to start mispronouncing their names.”
“After all they aren’t that particular about names being important and saying their names incorrectly is just a small thing.”
“Joanne becomes Jo-aine, Paul becomes Poul.” ~ mycatiskai42
“NTA. I have trouble pronouncing names sometimes.”
“Especially when the name is common but the pronunciation is unusual.”
“I had sympathy for MIL until she accused you of being too particular.”
“Now I think she’s doing it on purpose.”
“Maybe you can train her with one of those dog clickers, lol.” ~ Honest_Housing_4704
“NTA. And they can absolutely change.”
“Just gotta find the right button to push.”
“As others have said, changing their names could work.”
“So could asking your husband to stay home next time they invite him and ‘Lana’ over?” ~ DadOfKingOfWombats
“NTA. I have a name that is common enough.”
“It’s very easily shortened (Think Matthew shortened to Matt).”
“I prefer the full-length version to the shortened one.”
“I always introduce myself by the full name, not the short form.”
“For co-workers and random people, if addressed by the short name, I quietly judge them and move on.”
“If a member of your immediate family continuously used the short name, that’s personal and passive-aggressive.”
“Even if the ‘mistake’ was truly accidental, that itself shows a level of thoughtlessness that speaks volumes.”
“If you haven’t already, explain to your husband how you feel and let the matter drop.”
“They are his parents and he should be the one to talk to them.”
“Or, if he doesn’t, it will be him that bears the brunt of your weakened relationship with his parents.”
“If you address it directly again, your status may step down a notch worse than ‘particular’, which won’t benefit anybody.” ~ AutomaticMonk
“NTA. Refusing to learn someone’s name is a high degree of disrespect.”
“Start mispronouncing theirs.”
“However, I wanna say one thing, people can say Schwarzenegger and Giovanni because those are famous people’s names.”
“Still a**hole of them not to learn yours when they’re literally your in-laws.” ~ YourPainTastesGood
“NTA. I have some criminal side eye for OP’s husband, it’s time for him to remember who he made his vows to, it is absolutely intentional after FIVE YEARS.”
“Heck after 2 months I would have put my foot down.”
“I suggest that sickly sweet voice as you ask them if they have memory problems, or treat them like children.” ~ briarrosamelia
“NTA. I had someone do this to me for a year then I just started doing it right back.”
“Instead of Jannette I called her Janet and she said oh it’s blah blah and I just looked at her and repeated what she’d said to me so many times.”
“It only took a few times of that or ‘oh I’m pretty sure I said Jannette’ before she finally seemed to get it right.”
“Give it a try.” ~ SlothOctopus
“NTA. This is a micro-aggression.”
“They know good and well what they are doing.”
“Your husband not standing up to them all this time is concerning.”
“And his dismissal of your feelings on the matter is also concerning.”
“They all seem not to respect you or care about your feelings, and they don’t seem to have a problem with making you feel not-so-great.” ~ HellaciousFire
“NTA, but your husband and MIL are TA.”
“Your husband should have corrected her from day 1.”
“There’s no excuse for her to not know her D[aughter]-I[n]-L[aw]’s name!”
“Start calling her Barbara instead of Brenda and I bet she corrects you instantly.”
“Good luck!” ~ arresteddevelopment9
“NTA. At this point, she is low-key insulting you on purpose.”
“So just energy match.”
“Every time she/they get your name wrong call her by the wrong name, eg Hilda, Betty… whatever.”
“And inform her that you know she is an intelligent human being and from now on you are just going to match her energy.”
“See how long it will take for her to stop.” ~ Lucky_Respect5496
“NTA — Do you call your in-laws by their names?”
“If so, I would pick a slightly different but similar name for each one of them and start only calling them that.”
“Bonus points if it’s a name from your culture versus theirs.” ~ icebluefrost
“Oh, honey. It’s only going to go downhill from here.”
“Your MIL is doing this on purpose and I am sorry you don’t have a supportive husband.”
“NTA.” ~ ArdenElle24
Reddit is with you, OP.
After these many years, there is no excuse (except for ignorance) for your in-laws not knowing the correct pronunciation of your name.
You had every right to correct her.
Plus, you were being nice about it.
It’s time for your hubby to step up.
Good luck.