We’ve all heard that marriage is all about compromises.
But according to a recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit, not everyone is down with that.
The Original Poster (OP), known as 0__throwaway__07 on the site, expressed some questioning guilt in the post’s title.
“AITA for causing my husband to miss his brother’s wedding by having him fix the toilet?”
OP began by citing a very important detail about the family dynamic.
“To start; Me and my husband’s brother AKA my brother in law have always been on bad terms.”
“We don’t see each other much and we’re not really mean to each but more like don’t like each other.”
That became front and center when a recent event rolled around.
“My brother in law was getting married this past week. He only invited my husband which is fine really because I wasn’t planning on attending his wedding. Really no big deal.”
“The day of the wedding my husband couldn’t take the day off but came home early to get ready to go to the wedding which was 3 hours away.”
But there was a snag.
“The toilet stopped working and needed to fixed. I’m 7 months pregnant and I frequent the bathroom many times a day.”
“I asked my husband for 5 minutes to look at the toilet and he suggested he’d fix it when he gets back but the smell of unflushed pee gets me nauseous so I tried to convince him to at least try and it might work.”
“He took a look and said it needed fixing which would take 10-15 minutes. I asked him to do it even though he refused but he did it anyway.”
“He took long and didn’t pay attention to time. He freaked out saying he should be driving at the time but I insisted he finish fixing the last part and he barely did. He was mad and got dressed quickly and left.”
His concerns were not far-fetched.
“Turns out that he arrived late and missed the ceremony and made it to the last part of the wedding.”
“He was mad at me for causing him to miss huge part of his brother’s wedding and said his brother was upset and disappointed he wasn’t there to support him.”
Then they had it out.
“He argued saying I made him late only because I couldn’t go to the wedding but I said that is not true because even if he had sent an invitation I would’ve decliner to come.”
“He then said that it must be because I hate his brother and what I did was petty attempt to make him miss his wedding especially since I could’ve waited til he got back to fix the toilet.”
“He’s still mad at me for missing the wedding til this day.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
By and large, Redditors told OP she had, in fact, behaved like an a**hole.
“YTA – he missed a special occasion to fix the toilet. Would you be upset if he missed the birth of your child to fix his brother’s toilet?” — HobbitualOffender
“YTA. You could have called someone to fix it, you could have just dealt with it, you knew he was on a timer but rather than value his time you chose to value your wants instead.”
“Not sure how long ago this was but don’t be surprised if your husband resents you for this. You made him disappoint his brother and clearly he is upset about it.” — BushidoBoa
“YTA. I don’t think you were malicious, but there was no need to have him deal with this when he was on a schedule to get driving.”
“What if the toilet had broken 5 minutes after he left? You’d deal with it then. Call a plumber, plunge it yourself, use a bucket of water to flush it, pee in the shower even!”
“If he was able to fix the problem without going to the store for parts, then it was simple enough for you to handle.” — RB1327
“YTA. I understand your pregnant and have to go to the bathroom frequently, but it’s your husband’s brother! Call a handyman. There are hundreds of them in every place.”
“You are a big AH for making him miss his brothers wedding. I really do wonder if you made him fix it because you don’t like his brother..” — emmpink
Others tore into OP a bit more intensely.
“While I understand the bathroom smell issue, but you made him finish the project and miss his brothers wedding? You are manipulative and uncaring of your husbands needs. What?”
“Even though you don’t like his bro you could have gone to a library, coffee house, friends house, park, shopping etc. while he was at the wedding. If I was your husband I would be thinking about being a single parent. A very BIG YTA!” — Diznygurl
“Well OP, since it’s no big deal to miss momentous occasions in life for minuscule things, don’t be upset if he missed your child’s birth because he was cutting grass or patching up the roof.”
“After all small things that could be handled by others means more than life changing moments and events, right? YTA and don’t even doubt it for a second” — Delicious-Being6539
“YTA. You are lying to your husband and yourself if you are claiming you didn’t do it on purpose to make him late for the wedding. If the toilet was broken and the smell was making you sick than you could have called a plumber.”
“You were being petty and passive aggressive. You felt your husband shouldn’t go if you weren’t invited.” — Fickle-Willow4836
“You had myriad options you could have chosen that would have allowed your husband to go to his brother’s wedding and you chose none of them. Call a plumber, go to a friend’s for the evening, go to a movie, get a hotel room, hang out at a coffee shop.”
“ALL sorts of choices but you decided he needed to miss his brother’s wedding because, what, pettiness? Absolutely YTA and he should still be mad at you” — amej117
The hardest part of it all?
Even if OP does take this feedback to heart, her husband can’t go back in time to see the wedding anyway.