Redditor aita_catlady is a woman who recently got engaged. But in preparation for tying the knot sometime in 2023, she caused some drama in the family.
It all started when her mother was adamant about enlisting her friend and stylist to do everyone’s hair and makeup for the wedding.
The following sequence of events led to the Redditor being called a “bridezilla.”
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for hurting my mom’s friend’s feelings?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained how she upset her mother.
“I got engaged about a month ago, and my fiancé and I recently set a date for late 2023.”
“Everyone is excited, especially my mom, and in my opinion she’s using her excitement as an excuse to ignore boundaries, but everyone (other than my fiancé) is insisting I’m in the wrong here, so I’ve come to Reddit for help.”
“My mom’s friend is a hairdresser. My mom has been going to her for at least 25 years, and I grew up having this woman (I’ll call her Stacy) do my hair. Stacy was great when I was a kid, but as an adult woman, Stacy is… well, she’s very nice, but sometime in the past few years she’s been incapable of doing my hair.”
“A few examples have been:”
“I asked for curtain bangs and left with straight across seven-year-old bangs.”
“I asked Stacy not to use heat on my hair (trying to protect my natural curls), and Stacy told me I didn’t have curly hair and straightened it anyway.”
“’Jokes’ about checking in with my parents to make sure they ‘approved’ what I was doing to my hair (this lasted until I stopped seeing Stacy at 22)”
“The last straw was asking for a caramel balayage and leaving with level 7 or 8 highlights with a money piece because ‘this looks better, trust me.’ She didn’t say anything to me about changing the color to look better, she just did it.”
“So, when my mom asked if I wanted Stacy to do everyone’s hair and makeup, I said no. However, my mom kept asking.”
“I’m not exaggerating when I say she asked almost fifteen times in two weeks, and each time I said no. Eventually my mother and I came to the consensus that the wedding would be too far away from Stacy to even ask. I thought that was that.”
“The next day, my mom called. She had asked Stacy to do everyone’s makeup and hair, and Stacy had accepted! Wasn’t I excited?”
“I reminded her that I had said no, and that even though she had asked Stacy, my answer was still no. My mom just hung up, and I haven’t heard from her since.”
“My dad and brother, however, are blowing up my phone. They say mom has been consoling Stacy this whole time, and I’m acting like a cold-hearted brat.”
“They think once mom asked Stacy I should have just sucked it up, because Stacy is Mom’s friend, and I’ve really hurt her by excluding her. Who cares if she screws up hair/makeup? It’s just hair, and it’s just one day. Im being a bridezilla, and it’s only a month in.”
“Am I being an a**hole about this?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here.
“NTA she can do Mum’s hair and makeup if it’s that important but you have every right to decide who does yours and the bridal party. Your Mum did this to herself. Ignore your Dad and brother, they don’t want to deal with her antics.”
“I’d also not be accepting any money from them.” – ihateusernamecreates
“NTA. If Stacy can’t be trusted to do what you ask of her, she doesn’t need to be involved with your wedding hair and make up. Your mom can apologize to Stacy and explain that she tried to set this all up behind your back.” – NUT-me-SHELL
“This is what you could say.”
“IT ISN’T NICE WHEN I SPECIFICALLY AGREED WITH MUM NO. and I agreed that with Mum because she and Stacy treat me like a child and Stacy not only doesn’t even realise my hair is curly but actually doesn’t care what I want.”
“Mum wasn’t being nice she was trying to further her friendship at my expense. This is the one day were I do get to look the way I want and Stacy’s feeling be damned.”
“Tell you what if looking awful at my wedding is not a big deal I am going to get you both pink frilly tuxedo’s because I have a friend that supplies them and I want to further my friendship at your expense.”
“This is my wedding not Mums and sure as hell not Stacys. There is nothing vain and vapid about wanting to look your best when (number of guests) will be staring at you and picking you apart.” – Whitestaunton
“If your mom wants to ‘do something nice’, she can just gift her the money without the services. Last thing a bride needs is a hairdresser who doesn’t deliver on what she wants for her freaking wedding day .” – Spare-Article-396
“NTA. First, your Mom has no right to present you with a fait accompli regarding your own wedding planning – period, end of story. She gambled that you’d agree in order not to rock the boat, and she lost.”
“Let’s be honest – people care about what they look like in their wedding photos more than any other photos in their lives. Even people who don’t normally obsess over what they look like in pictures.”
“The wedding photographer is one of the few things that most people go all-out on even if they try to cut costs elsewhere.”
“Most brides therefore have their hair at it’s best on their wedding day, and sometimes also have their bridesmaid, Mom and possibly Mom of the Groom use the same team.”
“Of course you’re not going to use Mom’s friend if you haven’t kept using her as an adult, and are probably going to either keep your regular stylist or – if you prefer and can afford it – pay more for a two-time high-end cut (between ‘test run’ and the actual wedding morning)!”
“A breakdown because you don’t want to use her? That seems a little overdramatic.” – Pale_Cranberry1502
“NTA. Stacy is the reason I have to switch hairdressers every few years- they start believing that what they give you is more important than what you want.”
“And I can’t believe they’re saying ‘it’s just one day.’ It’s one of the most important days of your life. I’ve been married nearly 20 yrs and I have a big photo of my husband and I on the wall. If I had to see my messed up hair I’d cry.”
“Stand your ground. It’s mom’s fault for asking Stacy when you already told her no.” – dehydratedrain
Overall, Redditors thought the mother brought the conflict upon herself for making arrangements with Stacy behind the OP’s back, especially after she repeatedly told her not to.