Not all families get to go on luxurious vacations.
So that’s why it can feel like a miracle when one falls into your lap.
But just because it’s free doesn’t mean everyone will love the location.
Some people just aren’t keen on certain destinations.
Case in point…
Redditor appleatchaash wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for calling my husband selfish for not wanting to go on vacation with us?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (37 F[emale]) and husband (37 M[ale]) have been married for 10 years and have 3 children.”
“Every summer, my family takes a vacation to the beach.”
“I’m not a huge beach fan, but our kids LOVE it, plus my mom pays for me and my siblings and our families, so it’s almost a free trip (excluding travel there, which usually isn’t a huge cost).”
“Some years only some of my family makes it, but a few years ago my entire family (50+ people) went on a last trip with my grandma.”
“Husband HATES the beach but reluctantly went with us.”
“His behavior was HORRENDOUS.”
“He wouldn’t leave the condo, bailed on previously booked activities that made the cost go up for others, and didn’t help AT ALL with our kids.”
“It was basically like he wasn’t there, and when he was, he was complaining the whole time.”
“I was so embarrassed.”
“My whole family gave me the pitying stares the whole time and tried to help me as best they could, but it was just a miserable time.”
“Our daughters begged him to play on the beach with them, and he just wouldn’t engage at all.”
“Since then, he hasn’t accompanied us back.”
“In fact, he will only go on vacations with us if it is a place of his choosing.”
“Which is usually hiking.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I like to hike, but I’d also like to do other things.”
“And so would the kids.”
“Now, on to the part where I called him selfish.”
“We are now planning our trip for this summer to the beach, and once again, he says he will not go.”
“The kids are devastated again because they want him to go so they can swim together and build sandcastles together.”
“He says he just hates the beach, and there’s no changing his mind.”
“I got frustrated and called him selfish because he never wants to do anything that the kids enjoy.”
“He said I was being a jerk, and there’s nothing I can do that will make him like the beach.”
“I told him it’s not about liking the beach; it’s about spending time with his family.”
“He says we could skip it and go hiking instead if we want to spend time together.”
“So I said we won’t be going on any more of his vacations.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Now I feel guilty since that was the one thing he would do with us. AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Is he 5?”
“The point of the trip is to make memories, and it’s going to happen whether he likes it or not.”
“Unfortunately for him, he is nailing in the memory for his kids as they grow up that he does not value them and actually doesn’t really consider family time important if it doesn’t involve something he directly chose.”
“Kids will remember who was there and built those memories.”
“I agree he’s being selfish but I’d also take on a whiney child.”
“I also don’t enjoy the beach, but my family also has a similar trip and I just man the items while everyone swims.”
“He has to find the joy in it – one being that his family is there and that should matter.” ~ its_batgirl
“My ex was also like this, with emphasis on X.”
“He hated camping, the beach, kids activities in general, etc.”
“He came to the beach once and sat there in a foul mood wearing jeans and sneakers during a heat wave.”
“My kids also remember this and grew to know fun wouldn’t be had with him around anyway, so they preferred not to spend time with him.”
“They’re 20/25 now and have a pretty non-existent relationship with their dad, and it’s entirely his loss.”
“OP- your husband is being selfish, don’t feel guilty for pointing it out to him.”
“He either gets it or not, but you go have fun with your children and make those memories!” ~ ripleygirl
“NTA. I’m so curious about whole-a** adults (with children!) who, apparently, never got the ‘sometimes you have to do things that you don’t like and be a good sport about it’ lesson growing up.'”
“He sounds like a child. I’m sorry for those kids that he refuses to try and suck it up every so often for them.”
“My dad was like that, put me in a weird mindset where I decided what I liked wasn’t worth anything if everyone else wasn’t on board.”
“Needed to do lots of therapy to figure that out.” ~ DeadGodJess
“NTA. I don’t like Peppa Pig, but I put up with the whingey little twerp!”
“I really don’t like playing Barbie but I sure as hell put on the stupid voices and played Barbies Dream House I don’t like football and I hate wet muddy fields at 9 am on a Sunday morning but I stood there in the pissing rain and cheered my kid on!”
“You do things you don’t like because that’s what being a parent is!!”
“Keep being a top mum and let your kids grow up with no good memories of dad doing things they like with them because he is indeed a selfish pillock.” ~ Abject-Strawberry525
“NTA. I HATE the beach, I would much rather be up in the mountains.”
“But my kids love the beach, so summer is the beach, winter is the mountains.”
“It’s called compromising.”
“He could even say he goes every other year.”
“His kids are going to remember him not wanting to do what they want, but they are forced to do what he wants.” ~ amzi95
“NTA. My mother doesn’t ride roller coasters.”
“She gets motion sickness even from driving down a hill too fast, never mind coasters.”
“But my brother and I loved them.”
“Most summers, we would go to a theme park on our family vacation.”
“My dad would take us on the rides, and my mom would sit, and people watch or bring a book.”
“When I was a teenager, I would ask, isn’t this boring for you?”
“Wouldn’t you rather be doing something you enjoy?”
“But she would say something along the lines of, summer vacations are for making fun memories for my kids, not for me to do only what I want to do.”
“My mom is older and from a different school of thought that expected a full sacrifice of selfhood from parents, so I’m not necessarily saying that this is the model everyone should be following.”
“What I am saying is that it’s extremely immature and obnoxious for your husband to behave the way he has on the previous trips and refuse to go on any others, even when his kids are craving his attention and involvement.”
“Parenting is sacrifice, and one of those sacrifices is that family vacations aren’t just about you anymore.”
“I have wonderful memories with my mom from our vacations, and I remember almost nothing about riding the actual rides.”
“The love I felt from my parents is what always rose to the top.”
“NTA – He is obviously behaving like an AH, but I’m curious what his perspective here is?”
“Is there anything more than just him hating the beach?” ~ jrm1102
“NTA. Having kids means you have to compromise and do things you wouldn’t normally do for their sake.”
“They are young only once, so he needs to take every opportunity he can to bond with them and make their childhood better.” ~ IrrelevantManatee
The OP came back with an update.
“I’m not going to deny my kids the yearly beach vacation.”
“They look forward to it all year long.”
“But they are quite literally the only ones there without their dad present, and they’ve noticed.”
“My whole extended family does not go every year.”
“We don’t spend the entire time together.”
“There is plenty of downtime and time to be alone.”
“I have suggested new places before and have been vetoed.”
“His family has also wanted to do a beach trip (they love the beach), but he refuses.”
“Also, he has no trauma.”
“He just hates the heat and sand and says it’s boring.”
“We do go on smaller hiking trips throughout the year.”
“Every other year, we take a long hiking trip in addition to the beach trip.”
“We can only do that every other year as it isn’t a free vacation.”
“He has plenty of vacay time, so that’s not an issue.”
“He gets along with my side of the family.”
“Also, in 10 years, he has only gone once.”
“I didn’t mind before kids, but I’d like him to go every once in a while with us.”
“I do not expect every year.”
“We do go on his hiking vacations multiple times a year.”
“Hiking is literally the only vacation he will choose, so there is no ‘compromising’ on different locations.”
“He has no trauma with the beach, he just doesn’t think it’s fun.”
“I never badmouthed him in front of our children.”
“I have no control over the location of this particular vacation.”
“I don’t mind him skipping some, but every once in a while would be nice.”
“Thanks for all the comments.”
“Thank you all. Have a nice day.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You have every right to be miffed with this situation.
All you want is for your family to be together on vacation.
Perhaps a conversation with a neutral third party could help? Or perhaps plan a hike along the way?
Good luck.