Dietary needs and food allergies are serious and should not be “tested” for validity.
This may be especially true when someone is also pregnant, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor MilaKiwi33 was fed up with her mother-in-law insisting that she eat meat for her “baby’s sake,” though she had been told by her doctor to discontinue eating meat.
But when her husband was even questioning her concerns, the Original Poster (OP) began to wonder if she was making too big of a deal out of it.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for leaving Thanksgiving dinner at my MiL’s house after I discovered that she threw out the dish I brought?”
The OP’s mother-in-law (MIL) did not agree with her dietary needs.
“I (27 Female) am 5 months pregnant. I have pre-existing health issues that I manage by having a diet with no meat of any sort.”
“This has caused my MIL and I to have conflicts, especially when I refuse to eat the food she makes.”
“I used to either come and not eat anything or just stay at home.”
The OP tried to make the best of the situation for Thanksgiving.
“Since I’m pregnant, I could not attend Thanksgiving and not bring food with me out of respect for MIL.”
“I cooked a small meal and brought it with me. It was supposed to keep me full and provide me with all the benefits. So it wasn’t like any of her appetizers or side dishes. I also put work into making it and it cost me money.”
“MIL made a fuss about it but justified it as, ‘I was making a mistake robbing her grandbaby of getting all meat benefits.’ She just kept insisting it was about her grandbaby and her concern for their health.”
“I explained that I take supplements as a replacement but she shrugged and was upset.”
But the OP was shocked by how far her MIL took the situation.
“We waited until the dinner table was set. My MIL didn’t let me help or go into the kitchen at all. She took my dish and said she’d reheat it for me and put it on the table.”
“Yet when I sat down, I was stunned to have discovered that she had not put my dish there.”
“When asked publically, she denied receiving any dish from me and started asking if I accidentally left it at home or in the car.”
“There was a huge blow-up. My MIL tried to convince me to sit back down and just eat what she put on the table.”
“I refused, but my husband insisted and told me to let it go this time.”
“I decided to leave. I grabbed my stuff and walked out.”
There was more to the story.
“I found out that she threw out the dish I brought and tried to get me to just eat what she put on her table.”
“She said that she was looking out for her grandbaby’s health, and my husband said it wasn’t worth leaving the celebration and causing a scene.”
“We had a big argument, and his mom thinks I’m being dramatic and hard to deal with.”
“Was I the a**hole for walking out?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the MIL should have prioritized her DIL’s dietary needs, too.
“NTA. You have dietary restrictions that she doesn’t care about.”
“You should have a talk with your husband. I assume he knows your diet restrictions and the fact he won’t stand up for you to his mother is a major red flag.”
“Diet restrictions are not to be messed with because you could get severely sick and it could hurt the baby if you force yourself to eat certain things and your body reacts negatively.”
“If your husband doesn’t actually start standing with you, tell him it’s either he talks to his mother and starts standing with you, or he can start packing a bag. It’s his wife and child or his mother who is a being a downright monster.”
“Also, don’t leave your kid alone with her in the future. If she can potentially put his life in danger now, who knows what she can do to him when he’s born.” – Newfie1396
“Stories like this where people ignore health concerns terrify me. I have an allergy but this one in particular with the use of ‘preventing her baby from getting all the meat benefits’ makes me think if OP’s child has a beef allergy (current studies show a beef allergy is more common in children than originally thought), MIL will ignore it and feed them a hamburger because the kid needs ‘meat benefits.'” – swanfirefly
“I’m laughing at the meat benefits thing. I was raised vegetarian and was a plump, healthy baby. I’m still healthy. The only unhealthy thing here is the MIL’s behavior and obsession with food.” – Logical_Phone_2321
“MIL has major control issues. Also, it irritates the f**k outta me how everyone thinks they have a right to a woman’s unborn child. My MIL used to touch my belly and call it ‘her baby’ as if I was just an incubator and not the mother. Chapped my a**!”
“Since OP has medical reasons to not eat meat (and I don’t doubt that; my BIL is the same way) then did it occur to dear old MIL she could be HURTING her unborn grandchild by forcing meat on her DIL? NTA, OP.” – Ok-Appearance-866
“This is literally about the DIL being an incubator. OP said that she has been having health issues that her dietary restrictions have been alleviating. That’s not about the baby, it’s about her health, her body.”
“But the only one that MIL cares about is the unborn fetus. It doesn’t matter if the mother’s health is damaged… so long as the baby gets the ‘meat benefits.'”
“She’s literally behaving as if her DIL is an incubator. For her grandbaby… not OP’s child, or even her son’s child… her grandbaby. That possessiveness is extremely telling.” – Thr33Littl3Monk3ys
Others agreed and said the OP’s husband needed to side with her immediately.
“NTA. I’ve been in your shoes. Tell your husband to defend you or you’re out. Things will only get worse. She’s gonna force you to raise that baby her way and your husband is gonna let her. The gaslighting from her is especially scary.”
“Literally tell your husband straight out that he either be 100% on your side from now on for everything or you’re leaving him. Do not put up with that. It will ruin your life, your marriage, and your kid.” – inubasket
“NTA. You have a husband problem more than a MIL problem. He should stand up to her for you. It should always be ‘worth it’ to him, especially more so now because you’re pregnant.”
“MIL tried to gaslight you into believing you’re crazy (that you didn’t just hand her a dish that you did, that she didn’t take it from you and tell you she was reheating it, that you imagined all that). That’s not just inappropriate; it’s textbook abuse.”
“More importantly, she believes that she knows better than the doctor and was trying to force you into eating something that you medically should not. That’s not just arrogant, it’s dangerous.”
“If she did it to you, she’ll do it to your child when it gets here. I sincerely hope that your husband grows a spine and puts her in her place. If not, you need to leave for the safety of you and your child.”
“Start documenting her abusive behavior now, especially in regards to trying to override your doctor’s orders. If your husband never puts a stop to her behavior, you’ll want to be sure that she doesn’t get any unsupervised visitation if it comes to that.” – myhairs0nfire2
“I hope to God that baby doesn’t have any special dietary restrictions or allergies, because that MIL is going to be sneaking allergens into the child’s food just to ‘prove OP wrong.’ If OP says the kid can’t have cake for whatever reason, MIL will make it her personal mission in life to stuff cake down that child’s throat.”
“Unless boundaries are thrown up NOW and viciously enforced, life will be a constant battle with this woman.” – LissaBryan
“The gaslighting part is what would p**s me off the most. It’s one thing to throw my dish out but don’t try to lie and make me look dumb if you did it. Ugh, my ex use to do that to me all the time, it’s so frustrating!”
“And then for her husband not to have her back when clearly his mother was guilty of it is just as infuriating. OP you’re Def NTA!” – 803me
“It’s intentional poisoning and hubby says let it go. If she poured you a nice cup of bleach, should you let that go, too? No ifs, ands, or buts about it, it was intentional. No way OP can eat at MIL’s house ever again. Or cut ties. Some people have to eat all meat, some have gluten intolerances, no matter what, you can’t just decide to let it go for an evening.” – Mundane-Currency5088
Staying properly hydrated and nourished during pregnancy is important, though it is even more so when the mother also has her own dietary needs.
For the mother-in-law to not acknowledge that was extremely telling, and the subReddit was alarmed that the OP’s husband was not more concerned.