A 55-year-old mother absolutely cannot stand tattoos.
So when her 22-year-old daughter got one of a butterfly on her shoulder, she became very upset.
Up until this point, the mother managed to succeed in having her daughter avoid getting inked because she was paying for her college tuition.
But now that her tatted daughter is paying her own way through grad school, the mother made another conditional arrangement.
Blinded by her frustration, she wondered if she was being unreasonable.
She went to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit where she asked:
“AITA for making my daughter cover up at home?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Background info: I (58 Female) have a daughter (22 Female). I am very anti-tattoo and my daughter is very aware of this.”
“When she left to go to college, I told her that as long as I was paying for her school, she was not allowed to get a tattoo.”
“Since I was paying for her undergrad, she followed my rules.”
“When she was getting ready to start grad school about 1.5 years ago, which she was paying for, she apparently went out and got a tattoo of a butterfly on her shoulder that’s about the size of my fist.”
“I didn’t know about it until about 6 months ago when she finally mentioned it. I absolutely hate it, I think it’s ugly and gross.”
“The current situation: My daughter is moving back in with me and my mother to complete her internship that is required for her masters degree.”
“I told her that when she is in the house she has to wear clothing that covers the tattoo because I don’t want to see it.”
“She says that’s not fair because it is very hot where we live and she likes to wear tank tops and stuff.”
“I say it’s my house so it’s my rules and she is welcome to find other living arrangements if she doesn’t like it.”
“I know that she cannot find other arrangements because the internship is unpaid so she has no option exception living with me for free.”
“My mother doesn’t really like tattoos either, but she hasn’t said anything about this situation except to say she is staying out of it.”
“I think I might be the a**hole because she is an adult who can make her own choices, but I cannot stand the tattoo and I’m so disappointed that she made the choice to get one. So, AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditor thought the OP was the a**hole for imposing such strict restrictions because of her personal distate for tattoos.
“YTA. Also, something to contemplate: Which is bigger, your hatred of tattoos or your love for your daughter?”
“Because one of those two things is going to shape your relationship with her, your call which one.” – meowmumbroken
“Did I miss something where the tattoo is super offensive? OP is talking like the girl has a swastika or SS bolts or something.”
“If not, calling a part of your daughter ‘ugly and gross’ is … a bit much. YTA.” – ItsJustATux
“My parents both hate tattoos. They never told me I wasn’t allowed to get one or anything, but they were so vocal in their dislike that I internalized it and didn’t work up the nerve to get my first tattoo until I was 33.”
“I was still soooo nervous about sharing it with my parents, but guess what? They both said, ‘well, it’s not our thing, but it’s your body – glad you are happy with it!’ and we moved on.”
“YTA, OP.” – caffeinefree
“YTA. And controlling too. My parents hate tattoos. They would rather I didn’t get one, but guess what? They know it’s my body and as a grown a** adult, I can do what I want with my body and know that I will be loved exactly the same regardless.” – ccam04
YTA. Yeah, sure it’s your money and your house and all that good shit.
“But my god woman, your daughter is not some auxiliary attachment of yours. She’s going to have her own morals and values and wants and you need to just get the hell over it.”
“No one is making you get tatted, but your daughter is an adult who is allowed to make her own choices. She shouldn’t have to ‘cover up’ in her place of living just because you’re too sensitive.” – PoisonOfKings
“YTA – Do you actually have a legitimate reason behind hating tattoos or are you one of those parents that need to control every aspect of their child’s life?”
“Why TF do you care about a small butterfly tattoo, How does it ACTUALLY AFFECT you? It’s not like your daughter is a bum, it just sounds like you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill.” – Excellent-Guest-1082
“Also OP YTA for placing conditions on the gift of her tuition as well. A gift with strings attached isn’t a gift at all.”
“In the future, reconsider your motivations when doing things/giving things to your daughter. If they’re meant to get her to do what you want, just skip the gift altogether.” – ImRoxBox
“YTA…and you know it.”
‘I think I might be the a**hole because she is an adult who can make her own choices.’
“You are punishing her for making a grown up choice you don’t like…a choice she was perfectly entitled to make and you know that is what you are doing too ‘I’m so disappointed that she made the choice to get one.'”
“You are right it is your house so you can technically have any rules you like no matter how unreasonable as long as they are legal. But you know you are being an AH and don’t be surprised if this tarnishes your relationship.” – Whitestaunton
“YTA – OP I get it, you dislike tattoos. My mother was the exact same way, but her reaction to my older sister’s first ink was better than yours.”
“It’s your daughter, if you dislike part of your daughter, that’s not going to end well for you both. I watched my sister separate herself and become more and more sneaky behind her/my mother’s back.”
“Until once my mother realized she was being absurd, it’s a drawing on her skin. If she got ‘f’k you OP’ on her shoulder than maybe you’d be in the right here. Other than that, you have to relax.”
“You know as you mentioned that she can’t live elsewhere, so why make her struggle while being at home. Just get past the ink, times have changed love, tattoos no longer stop people from employment opportunities or anything like that.”
“Also just know this, she got that tattoo because SHE loves it. It wasn’t to spite you, but she may get more to spite you if your behavior continues. Don’t give your kids a reason to spite you, especially over something so tolerable as a tattoo.” – Estre11a
Overall, Redditors strongly objected to the OP’s reaction to her daughter’s tattoo.
They also encouraged her to get past her disapproval so as not to drive a further wedge between her and her daughter before it’s too late.