Family.
Sometimes you can’t live with them, sometimes you can’t live without them.
When you can’t drop everything for family, it can lead to some messy situations.
Case in point…
Redditor somqhthrowaway wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not babysitting my nephew during a family emergency?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister called me in a panic because her husband’s father was in the hospital and they needed to make a flight overseas (Utah to Birmingham) and taking their 6 year old isn’t an option.”
“I’m the only family close enough to take him and they said they would find a sitter or something but with less than a day’s notice I need to take him for at least 3 days.”
“They live in another city about 3 hours away so I would have to go over there and stay in her house for a few days.”
“I said I would do it but the drive is too long to be going back and forth so she has to be ok with bringing my dog.”
“She said I could leave them with friends but I’m new to the city and don’t have a lot of friends and most of my friends I do have their have children and commitments.”
“And with so little notice I don’t have anyone to leave them with.”
“One of my dogs also is reactive and doesn’t do well in kennels or being left alone for a long period of time so I have to leave him with a friend when I travel.”
“She wanted me to leave my dogs outside in her yard.”
“It’s 10-15F right now and neither of them are huskies.”
“I said they could go inside in one room but my sister won’t allow it because they might destroy the room or get out and destroy the house.”
“I admitted they might, but told her it’s the risk she’s going to have to have if she wants me babysitting.”
“She got angry and said her husband’s father is dying so why can’t I have compassion?”
“I told her compassion is not letting my dogs live outside for 3 days when they could stay in her house.”
“In the end she wasn’t willing to let my dogs live in her house for a few days so her husband went alone.”
“I feel guilty because she didn’t go with her husband but at the same time I don’t understand why she wouldn’t let me take my dogs to her place for a few days.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. She decided keeping her house dog-free was more important than going and supporting her husband. Her choice, not yours.” ~ Reasonable-Bear-1374
“NTA. She was unwilling to compromise, so she got a s**t prize.”
“Don’t feel guilty, she wanted things on her terms. And she did this to herself.” ~ Noirjyre
“When we needed emergency care for kid 2 because kid 1 was in the hospital, I have no idea if kid 2 went to school.”
“It was an emergency, and we made sure kid 2 had clothes, comfort items, and their backpack if they wanted to go to school.”
“It was up to the sitters, because safe and loved trumped school attendance.”
“It was a decade ago, and I have no idea if they attended for the 10 days in question.”
“It really doesn’t matter at that age if they miss for 3 days because their grandparent died.” ~ Glittering_knave
“Your sister decided that making sure her house was not ‘destroyed’ by your dogs was more important than being with her partner. NTA.” ~ Otherwise_Impact4579
“Yup NTA.”
“I hate when people make their very own choices then blame everyone but themselves.”
“Either she brings the kids to you, you go there WITH DOGS or she stays home.”
“You were already putting yourself out.” ~ swirl_game
“And apparently NOBODY thought the nephew staying with OP for a few days was an option.”
“And since I already assume the comments, the kid is 6, missing a few days of school (if it can’t be done online anyway) is not gonna ruin the kids future.” ~ Ancient_Potential285
“More likely that driving the kid 3 hours round trip to the home of someone who doesn’t have kids and probably doesn’t have a kid friendly house wasn’t a great option.”
“Especially if someone else was coming in after 3 days to take over, chances are they don’t want to make that person also do a 6 hour round trip drive to pick up the kid.” ~ ellieacd
“You were willing to help but you needed her to give you some reasonable options to accommodate your own commitments to your dogs.”
“She was unwilling to do this, so she is the AH but you are definitely NTA.” ~ Wisdomofpearl
“Even if the dog destroys crap usually, what is OPs other option?”
“She can’t leave it boarded and has no friends who can take the dog on short notice.”
“S[ister] I[n] L[aw] wouldn’t be an a**hole for just refusing the dog and making other arrangements for her kid.”
“But to continue harassing OP about it is unfair.”
“I agree I wouldn’t want a dog who chews things up in my house without my supervision, but it’s an emergency.”
“And SIL needs to chose her priorities accordingly, especially given the fact that OP offered reasonable accommodations, like leaving the dogs in only one room where they can presumably ‘dog proof’ it and keep a better eye on them.”
“SIL expecting OP to drop everything for SIL’s emergency trip, leave their dogs outside to freeze , and harassing OP when they said no makes her an asshole in my honest opinion.” ~ seniortwat
“NTA. It’s an unfortunate situation for everybody involved, but you didn’t do anything wrong here.”
“You have your own responsibilities as a pet owner, and you need to make sure they’re handled as well.”
“You offered to help if you could bring your dogs, which she refused.”
“You made an attempt to help, and she refused, which is 100% on her.”
“Don’t beat yourself up about it.”
“Regardless, hope her husband’s dad is okay.” ~ JohnsRoastPork
“NTA. If your sister truly wanted your help, then she needed to work with you to some degree.”
“For instance, why couldn’t she bring her son to your house?”
“Also, there’s absolutely no way that they were going to be gone only three days.”
“It would take a full day to travel there and a full day to travel back.”
“Your sister definitely would have stayed longer than a day.”
“While I feel sorry for her F[ather] I[n] L[aw], there is absolutely nothing that needed to be done for just one day in person.”
“In all likelihood, they would have stayed for multiple days to find out the outcome of FIL’s illness.” ~ teresajs
“I’m torn between NAH and NTA, leaning towards NTA. “
“You’re doing a HUGE favor for them, and if it is so urgent for them to have you take care of your nephew, they shouldn’t even care about the fact that your dog would be there.”
“The only reason why I would consider NAH is the fact that you said your dog is reactive.”
“If they are worried for their son’s safety, then that is a completely different issue.”
“But nothing in this post insinuates that the dogs are a danger to the kiddos.” ~ pavlovdoggo
“NTA. She can stay behind and find arrangements and just follow her husband after.”
“Don’t feel bad. It’s not like you turned your back on her during her time of need.”
“She was being extra demanding when she’s the one asking for a favor and refuses to compromise.” ~ yana010
“NTA. Beggers can’t be choosers.”
“She asked for major help on no notice which meant there was no good option for your dogs.”
“I understand her concern since your digs are chewy.”
“But you’re responsible for your dogs, so their safety comes before her furniture.”
“Not the a**hole.” ~ PetrogradSwe
“That story is such a good example of family conflict.”
“Neither of you are being an a**hole- it’s just a sticky situation.”
“I think you should reach out to her and let her know you hate that you guys couldn’t figure something out.”
“Definitely not something to ruin your relationship over.”
“Siblings are so special and important. I’m sorry you went through this.”
“Definitely not an a**hole.” ~ Fickle-Row915
“Oh my God… NTA, you can’t leave your dogs outside for 3 days straight!”
“In my country that would be illegal neglect, quite apart from being cruel.”
“It could even kill them.”
“The issue here is not that you won’t babysit in an emergency, you’ve agreed to do that, it’s that she won’t allow your dogs in her home.”
“That’s her issue, she is the one putting barriers int he way of visiting a sick relative.”
“She is the one who cares more about her precious home than for the sick relative, her child, or indeed you and your beloved dogs.” ~ Zieglest
Lesson one… you can’t ever leave dogs outside in the cold.
Aside from that, it seems Reddit is rallying behind OP.
Hopefully when the dust clears OP and sis can read through this together and reconcile.
After all, family is family.
And sending good vibes to SIL’s FIL.