Traveling for a destination wedding can be stressful.
Especially when you have children because it’s a child-free occasion.
So that’s why it can be upsetting when one learns different details about the event upon arrival.
Redditor Fun-Associate-8536 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for walking out of a wedding when I realized it wasn’t child free?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My son and D[aughter]-I[n]-L[aw] got married this weekend.”
“I have custody of my niece, and she has grown up with me since she was 6.”
“My son was never happy about not being an only child, but we went to therapy, and overall, I thought it was a lot better.”
“The invitation came, and it told us it was a child-free wedding.”
“We reached out, and my son confirmed it.”
“So our niece couldn’t come, that also meant we needed to put childcare in place.”
“The wedding is 5 hours away, we drove.”
“We get to the wedding, and it wasn’t child-free.”
“There were multiple kids and even a baby.”
“I didn’t want to make a commotion at the wedding, so we left and started to drive home.”
“I sent my son a text saying that he lied to us.”
“That if he didn’t want his cousin at the wedding, he could have said so, but instead, he lied.”
“I told him I didn’t wish to cause an issue. Have a good day.”
“We missed the wedding, and my son has been all over the place.”
“My new DIL called and claimed it was all a misunderstanding, but we have the invite saying otherwise.”
“The drama has spread, and other people are chiming in; some would have also left, while two there think we should have sucked it up and stayed.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Yikes. I have to say that my usual question in these situations was did you explain the issue to the children beforehand or expect them to handle it like an adult when they are just kids.”
“But your son was an adult… I wouldn’t think it would need more than a quick conversation about a little girl needing help, and we will be helping her.”
“I’d be wondering where the hell I went wrong with him if this is how he reacts to this situation at 18 regarding a 6-year-old child.”
“I don’t mean this to disparage you, I am a parent of an only.”
“I’d be aghast if my daughter acted like this.”
“NTA at all.”
“Staying would have reinforced this behavior.” ~ yourshaddow3
“I was going to say as an only child I get it we can and do get a little spoiled and territorial.”
“I was the small kid who did not like when my mom held other babies.”
“Never begged for a sibling etc.”
“That said however by 18 I’d had MULTIPLE friends who were in toxic home situations come and stay with my mom and me throughout the years because no matter how spoiled or territorial I was my mom made sure I also came with a big heart that wanted to help others.”
“There’s a time and a place to be a typical only child and then that time ends and you have to start being more of an adult and less of a selfish child.” ~ achristie-endtn
“NTA. You were given specific instructions that the wedding was child-free, which you respected by arranging childcare and traveling without your niece.”
“Seeing kids there must have felt like a slap in the face, especially since it seemed like a targeted exclusion.”
“You chose to leave quietly to avoid drama, which was respectful given the situation.”
“Your son and DIL should have been upfront if they had specific exclusions in mind rather than making it seem like a blanket rule.”
“You handled it maturely and communicated your feelings without causing a scene, which shows a lot of restraint.”
“The misunderstanding excuse doesn’t hold up when the invite clearly stated child-free.” ~ lucineyeha
“This. I completely agree with this comment.”
“Her son was being immature, and he expected his mum to just suck it up.”
“Mum did the right thing, and I applaud her for that because the pressure must have been strong for her to just take the bad behavior on the chin.”
“The son’s snub to the cousin is awful. NTA.” ~ Middle–Earth
“Your son is an a**hole, sorry, but he should have been honest with you about it.”
“He really thinks that you will not notice a bunch of kids in a ‘child-free’ wedding??”
“And that you were going to be ok with that?”
“Don’t let him get out of this that easy, and he should know better, be better, and not lie to his parents.”
“That was low; the fact that he doesn’t want a ‘sibling’ and is mad for not being an only child is not an excuse; it makes it worse cause he definitely did it on purpose, and DIL went with it.” ~ HappyCommunication67
“NTA. Your son’s resentment is unhealthy, and if it were my kid, I wouldn’t contact him again until he apologized.”
“That was so deliberate on his part that it couldn’t be anything but vindictive revenge for ‘replacing’ him with your niece.”
“He needs therapy.” ~ Disastrous-Sthe
“NTA. You have more responsibility to the minor in your care than you do to the adult who’s pathetic enough to have a beef with a child.”
“He was disrespectful to both you and her.”
‘I don’t know what he was expecting!” ~ stophittingthyself
“Unsure. Was it really a misunderstanding where guests ignored the invite and brought children anyway?”
“Now, since I am a petty person, I would have stayed long enough to casually approach some of the child-bringers and say, ‘Hey, I thought this was a child-free wedding. I didn’t know kids were allowed! Hi there, little Tinsleigh.'”
“And their responses may reveal the truth.”
“But, again, I am petty.”
“But mostly this seems really sad that you missed your son’s wedding.” ~ gotmeffedup
“Your son lied to you, knowing that you’d find out.”
“What a tool. NTA.” ~ Famous_Specialist_44
“NTA. Lying is never the answer, and liars shouldn’t be rewarded for their lies.”
“It’s regrettable that you had to miss your son’s wedding, but if you had stayed, it would have been seen as you giving approval for the lie and him being justified for lying.”
“Then where would the lies stop?” ~ WanderingGnostic
“NTA. Your son and DIL lied to you about the wedding being child-free, causing you to make arrangements for your niece and travel without her.”
“While it’s valid they might not want children at their wedding, being dishonest about it was hurtful.” ~ juliana_Scarlet
“NTA – There may have been reasons the other children were there, but if they changed their minds and let relatives and friends bring kids, then they should have let you as well.”
“Now, if there is another reason not to invite her, they should have said what it was with the invite and not lied about it.”
‘Ultimately, it is their wedding, and they can invite whomever they want, but they also have to deal with the fallout from their choices.” ~ BigBlueD7664
“NTA… If your son is that jealous over a child living in his childhood home that he made up a foolish, easily disproven lie, then he’s not mature enough to be married, but he is his wife’s problem now.”
“I’d calmly tell the naysayers: Apparently (Son) has a problem with the fact that I have custody of his cousin.”
“Rather than discuss that with me as an equal adult, he sent me a false invitation claiming his wedding was child-free.”
“It’s not about cousin being unwelcome at the wedding, it’s about son’s blatant disrespect to me by way of lying.” ~ Special_Slide_2257
“NTA. On top of your son being a petty brat, he is also a liar.”
“How is his wife claiming it to be a misunderstanding?”
“What was the explanation?”
“Your poor niece probably feels awful.” ~ ogo7
“NTA. They only are worried about how they are seen by the other people who know about it.”
“They don’t care about how you feel.” ~ Bfan72
“NTA – The fact that it was printed on the invitation and verified verbally means that the wedding was intended to be child-free.”
“DIL trying to backtrack is her realization that while she granted many exceptions to the no children policy, she forgot to tell you.” ~ TheJokersWild53
“I won’t call you an AH, your son is definitely being more of one.”
“That said, it may not be worth it if you ever want to have a better relationship with him and your DIL.”
“If they have kids, it may limit how much time you get to spend with your grandkids (which may or not be fine with you).”
“Officially I’ll vote NTA, but I still think you made a mistake.” ~ throwraW2
“NTA – and it’s no one else’s business to ‘chime in.'”
“Your son can get over himself.”
“It was not a misunderstanding, it was a manipulation… and he lost.”
“It’s over now – move on.” ~ omeomi24
“NTA – That does sound like a legit lie just to avoid his Niece.”
“I don’t know if your DIL knew, but don’t let them gaslight you.”
“Sucks big time.”
“Son is a major AH.” ~ CuisineTournante
“NTA… your son deliberated crafted the invitation to exclude your niece, so he could be your ‘only child’ at the wedding.”
“It was the deliberate targeting of your niece.”
“A 24-year-old grown man is so jealous of a 12-year-old he is willing to lie to his family in order to feel better about himself.”
“N[o] C[ontact] until the child grows up and apologies for not including or inviting his cousin and for being a complete and utter waste of space of a human being.” ~ stiggley
“NTA. If this had been some weird distant relative who changed their mind on kids and forgot to tell you… maybe you could have stayed, but your own child lying to your face like that is beyond the pale.”
“You need to text your new DIL the copy of the invite since she thinks it’s a misunderstanding. I wonder if he lied to her too.” ~ RedHolly
“NTA, but wow.”
“He has some level of messed up in him.” ~KSknitter
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. Your son lied.
You had to get childcare and travel accommodations since he chose to deceive you.
It may be time for a big family discussion. Good luck.