There’s a common piece of advice for dating couples that they should live together for a while before getting married to make sure they are truly compatible.
Because sometimes how two people choose to live in their homes really cannot coexist, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
While transitioning her mother into an elderly home, Redditor Fluid_Location4956 asked her long-term boyfriend and his daughter to house-sit her home, expecting everything would be fine.
But when she returned, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked by how much her boyfriend and his daughter had disrespected her and her home.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for sending my boyfriend a bill for 1,000 dollars after he and his kid ate all of our food [and trashed my house]?”
The OP was mindful of her spending, especially when it came to groceries.
“I’ve been seeing Jack for two years now, but we lived separately due to the kids and wanting to make sure this was a for-sure thing before going all-in and uprooting them.”
“I have two sons (13-year-old twins) and one daughter (11 Female). He has one daughter (13).”
“We do weekend stays together twice a month, and so far there have never been any major issues honestly. The girls have gotten into a few petty arguments, but other than that, no big problems.”
“I spend around 1,000 dollars per month on food, and that covers me and my kids, plus Jack and his daughter for the two visits a month. I do a lot of meal prep and couponing.”
The OP recently asked Jack and his daughter to take care of things while she was gone.
“Last month, my mother asked me and my kids to go to her place in Louisiana to help her move out of her home and into an age-50-and-up community.”
“It made me feel more comfortable to have my house occupied in my absence to keep the dehumidifiers and everything running (huge moisture issues and I don’t want anything to mold or rust), so I asked Jack if he and his daughter wanted to stay at my place for two weeks in our absence to keep everything running smoothly.”
“I gave it a two-week time frame but was unsure of how long it would actually take. I knew the drive alone would be two days there and two days back. He agreed.”
“This may make me sound bad, but I wouldn’t consider him house-sitting as doing me any favors. All he had to do was dump out the dehumidifier when it got full. I could have asked my neighbor to do that for 200 dollars.”
“He and his daughter live in a small apartment, and coming to my house feels like a vacation to them (their words, not mine). I have a two-story home with six bedrooms on the beach, with a hot tub, a game room, cable, and high-speed internet.”
“They were essentially getting a free vacation, and the only thing they had to do was dump the dehumidifier once a day.”
“I did my monthly shop before leaving and spent $1,092. The only thing I did not stock up was the fridge, outside of what I knew Jack and his daughter would eat. So I did buy milk and eggs and cheese for them (they have an obsession with grilled cheese sandwiches, so I made sure I bought lots of extra cheese and bread).”
“But a fridge shop when I returned was my plan, because that was much more convenient than a giant shop AND fridge shop with all of my work obligations upon returning from helping my mother.”
“I told them they could have some of my food when we were gone so maybe this is my fault.”
The OP came home to absolute chaos.
“We got back two days ago (four days before the two-week mark) and found my house in ruin, practically.”
“There were dirty dishes on the counters and table, and dirty clothes throughout the living room and bedrooms (mine and my daughter’s, where they slept). I don’t even want to talk about how dirty the floor and rest of the house looked.”
“I keep my house clean so this caused a lot of panic on my end (I grew up in a hoarder house so I take pride in a clean home).”
“But the one thing that truly tipped me over the edge was finding that they went through at least 90% of the food I bought before leaving, in less than two weeks. We were left with a single pack of hamburger meat, all the veggies, and a few boxes of pasta.”
“Even worse, most of the food was wasted. There were pots and pans left with all the food they cooked. They didn’t even try to refrigerate it after cooking for leftovers.”
“Jack started scrambling when we entered the home, saying, ‘Sorry, I was gonna clean before you got back but I didn’t expect you so soon.'”
“I just gave a hushed, ‘Please leave.’ He and his daughter left.”
The OP later tried to hold her boyfriend accountable but to no avail.
“After giving it some thought, I told him he had to reimburse us the 1.000 dollars’ worth of food that he and his daughter ate.”
“I told him their intake was absolutely repulsive and that I said he could have some, not eat everything in the house and leave us with nothing.”
“He said that he had allowed his kid to have her friends over and they ate a lot (he never asked me if they could come over; he never told me anything about them having guests).”
“He insisted he shouldn’t have to give me 1,000 dollars, given that I told him they could eat the food. He also said that I have more than enough money (true) and he doesn’t (also true).”
“I still wanted to be reimbursed, however.”
“Also, upon further inspection of my home, the dehumidifiers in my bedroom and my daughter’s bedroom had never been emptied. Not once. The bathroom and living space dehumidifiers had been emptied before, but they clearly had not been on the day we got back.”
The relationship clearly wasn’t as much of a done deal as the OP thought it was.
“Yes, we split up.”
“Not so much over the food issue, but after I told him I wanted to be reimbursed, he told me that I was throwing my privilege in his face because I ‘know he can’t afford that.'”
“I have never once made him feel like him making less than I do was an issue. It was like a smack in the face after the condition he left my home in.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were appalled by the lack of respect shown to someone else’s property in this post.
“Okay, I was originally leaning towards YTA for asking for money from someone when you know they can’t afford it. But they didn’t even just eat it all; they wasted it by leaving it in the pans!? Yeah, that’s a ‘get the f**k of my house and never return’ straw there.”
“You should have asked for more to be reimbursed for having to buy new pans! NTA!” – Suyeta_Rose
“You can tell that Jack and his child treated this exactly like a vacation in every way possible.”
“They ate all the food, they had friends over as if it was their house to host. They made a huge mess as if housekeeping was coming to clean it all up.”
“I would be extremely p**sed at the idea of them treating my house like a free-for-all resort and then not even apologizing because ‘I can afford it.'” – heyitsta12
“The way he totally disrespected your home and space says a lot about the type of person he truly is. Consider the 1,000 dollars in food costs well worth it to truly find out Jack and his daughter are not people you want to do life with and he’s someone who is not worthy of you.” – moew4974
“He has shown absolutely no respect for you, your children or your property by leaving the house in a mess and eating your food without replacing it and allowing his daughter to have friends over and eating your food.”
“Common courtesy would dictate that you replaced most, if not all of the food and not have the daughter’s friends over. He sounds like a bit of a user.” – The_golden_Celestial
“I think ultimately you truly left him because of the disrespect he showed you and your property. He showed you who he truly was and that he was only with you for your money and home.”
“Also, why did he allow friends over to your house while you were not there? And they didn’t even ask first? That is extremely rude and disrespectful.”
“NTA and glad you got away from him.” – Free-Comb8184
Others were relieved on the OP’s behalf that the relationship ended before it really began.
“NTA. You just got a glimpse of what your life would’ve been if he would have moved in. He is an irresponsible man; I mean teenager.”
“He let his daughter have friends over, yours and your daughter’s clothes were all over the place, it sounds like a movie where teenagers have wild parties when the parents go away and the house is completely destroyed… and they ate over 1,000 dollars of food in less than two weeks?”
“It was awful what he did, but be grateful because you got rid of it.” – BulkyCaterpillar4240
“The heck? NTA. Jack sounds like a mooch looking for an opportunity to be a gold-digger. I can see why you lived separately. You had the right idea there.” – isr-astroturf-laser
“NTA.”
“Not only did they trash your home, he allowed for his daughter to have FRIENDS (not just one) without asking you.”
“You just got a good glimpse of what your future looks like if you live with this man and his daughter.”
“He is responsible for the grocery bill. Send him the bill. Remind him that it was HE who allowed his daughter and friends to consume all of your food so he should replace it.”
“You don’t deserve this treatment and neither do your kids.” – Top_Roof_2862
“I’m sorry you had to come back, not from a vacation, but from moving your mother into a 50+ new place, which can be very stressful, to a teenager’s party house.”
“I’m glad you kicked him to the curb. Unfortunately, the only thing that guy can afford is his audacity.” – SolarPerfume
“Thank your lucky stars you got to see how he really lives before you let him move in. If he’s not gonna clean the house he’s a guest in, he’s sure as h**l not gonna clean when he lives there.”
“Clearly they don’t respect your space, effort, or money. Sounds like a major bullet dodged. And it only cost you 1,000.”
“NTA.” – monsteramoons
The subReddit could not stop shaking their heads over how the boyfriend had treated the OP’s space and just how much disrespect he had shown her through those actions.
Though it was extremely unlikely that she would see any of that money to replace her groceries, it seemed a fairly small price to pay for the OP to discover that there was no future for her relationship.