Families are formed in all sorts of different ways.
And unless they want to share with others, how their family was made is really only their business.
That’s how one mother felt on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, when she shared how her extended family wanted to know more about her sons.
The Redditor who has since deleted her account felt her sons should be able to decide before she shared their history with anyone else.
But despite wanting to protect her sons, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was in the wrong:
“AITA for not telling my family which of my children is biologically mine?”
The OP has two sons, though only one is biological.
“I have 2 kids, ‘Clark’ and ‘Kent’. While they have the same father, only one of them is biologically my child. They were born within 6 months of each other.”
“The boys are currently 6, and for various reasons, I have full custody of both of them.”
The OP’s extended family wasn’t aware of this due to estrangement.
“I didn’t speak to anyone in my family for several years, and we got back in touch in 2019.”
“Due to the boys’ ages, my family knows I couldn’t have carried both unless I have the gestation period of a hamster or the longest labor ever.”
“I have explained to them how this all came to be, but in my explanation, I neglected to tell them which was my biological child.”
It’s hard to tell, because the sons look so similar.
“Due to my ex having a type, the other woman looked enough like me that the boys could pass for twins.”
“Same dark hair, blue eyes, pale skin, and both cleft chins and dimples. My brother jokes that they look like tiny Supermen.”
“People who know them refer to them as twins, because aside from a few minor differences, they’re practically identical.”
“Frankly, if they were closer in age and I’d had full custody of both from the time they were born, I suspect I would have mixed them up a lot as babies.”
Fairly recently, the OP’s mother began to ask strange questions.
“Shortly before Clark’s birthday last year, my mum asked if she could see Clark’s birth certificate.”
“I asked why and she said she wanted to know the exact time he was born, so I told her. She asked if she could see the certificate anyway. I asked why.”
“She said she just wanted to check. I said I’m his mother, I know when he was born.”
“Then she asked the same thing about Kent and we went through the same conversation all over again. Mum eventually admitted that she just wanted to see the birth mother’s name on each certificate, which isn’t even how that works and I told her as much.”
The OP then stood up for her role as the boys’ mother.
“This led to an argument where my stance was that I’m their mother, biology is irrelevant.”
“Mum says if biology is irrelevant, then it’s not a big deal to tell her which of them is biologically mine.”
“I said if she’s so hung up on biology, then clearly it’s a big deal to her and I don’t want it to be a big deal, especially as the boys themselves don’t know.”
The OP’s mother didn’t agree with her.
“Mum feels this is incredibly selfish, narcissistic, and overall wrong.”
“She feels that if biology isn’t such a big issue, then I should have no problem telling her whether Clark or Kent is my biological son, and that accusing her of potential favoritism or something similar with her bio grandchild is an unfair judgment with no actual reasoning to it.”
The rest of the family had mixed feelings.
“My boyfriend agrees that I shouldn’t tell anyone at least until my sons have decided for themselves if they want to know and want other people to know.”
“But my entire family agrees with mum that I’m being unreasonably selfish and that my actions now are more likely to cause issues than mum’s potential actions later.”