Coming out is an emotional experience for everyone involved. Sometimes family members need time to wrap their head around it since their expectations shift.
Redditor valleymesa4 encountered this very issue with her mom. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for defending myself when my mother gave me phone number to a guy when she knows I like girls exclusively?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So, at the pool yesterday my mother told me a guy was ‘looking at me’ and she gave him my phone number which prompted him to come talk to me so I spent hours with him at the stupid pool.”
“Once we left I was incredibly angry with her and I yelled at her for being an idiot for what she did.”
“She embarrassed me and she went against what I told her in confidence. I came out to her a while ago and it’s been in open conversation since yet she still did this.”
“She told me I’m probably not certain yet so she did this stupid thing but the reason I told her is because I am certain.”
OP’s dad got involved as well.
“So, on the way home I was arguing with her and she told me to be quiet and then she called my dad and complained about ‘my behavior’ to him which annoyed me because what she did justified my behavior.”
“So, I grabbed her phone and hung up on him and the freaked out and told me I can’t do things like that and now I’m in trouble for it.”
“She took away things from me and I can’t do anything with friends for a week.”
“I just didn’t want her to lie about me to my dad anymore than she was doing and I tried to justify myself before she made me look horrible. I don’t think I’m in the wrong for defending myself, right?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. This here. Gay or not giving out your contact to a complete stranger is bonkers.” ~ MP3Daddy
“This! From the content of the post op seems very young. Who the heck gives out their kids number to a random boy. NTA OP.” ~ isitagsdpuppy
“More like she’s a homophobe that can’t accept that her daughter isn’t straight and is trying to have her ‘cured.'”
“I’m honestly worried about OP’s safety after this and not because of the random dude(s) mom gave that phone number or might give it to in the future.” ~ YellowBinary
“My parents were the opposite. They asked me if I can please date s cis girl instead of a trans girl (pre everything so I can still get pregnant technically) 😂.”
“But yeah, parents should respect your sexuality. NTA.” ~ EggplantHuman6493
“NTA. Who gives out daughter’s phone number to random strangers at the pool who are ‘looking up’ that daughter? It’s dangerous regardless of OP’s preference. OP’s mother is not handling OP’s coming out well at all, is trying to lure her into ‘being not lesbian’ and doing so in both a disrespectful and also a dangerous way.”
“OP doesn’t say how old she is, but assume she’s a minor. Grabbing the phone out of mom’s hand while she’s driving (and why is she driving and cellphoning, if not illegal where you live, it’s still reckless) and hanging up on dad was a bad move.”
“OP’s dad didn’t deserve to be hung up on in the middle of what must have been a confusing call, and physically hassling over the cell while the car was going was dangerous.”
“OP and mother need to deal with the sexual preference issue in a calm manner, and both need to get a grip on where and how to have arguments….not in a moving car. BTW, being disrespectful back to your mother isn’t proper nor does it get OP anywhere except punished like a child.” ~ farsical111
Some argued OP’s mom hasn’t made peace with her daughter’s sexuality.
“This is a woman desperate for grandchildren some day. Expect this kind of behavior to continue.” ~ Past-Hall6679
“YES. My daughter came out to me many years ago but just went public this year. The question I get OVER AND OVER is ‘aren’t you going to miss having grandkids? Doesn’t that make you sad?'”
“Well, FIRST OF ALL, my daughter’s procreative activities are none of your business. Ew.”
“Second, being gay does not affect fertility.”
“Third, even if she was hetero, that’s no guarantee for getting pregnant.”
“Fourth, she’s never shown any interest in being a mom so being a grandma hasn’t really been on my radar anyway. There’s plenty of babies around here to be love. Not to mention I’m a nanny by profession so I get my fill of baby love daily.” ~ hisgirlPhoenix
“I wish I had a mom like you! I’ve been childfree my whole life, very vocally about it. Made many a joke about how I didn’t inherit the mom gene, and never would have kids.”
“My mom was incredibly persistent that I would change my mind someday. 3.5 years ago, when I had my bisalp done, she was brokenhearted, and didn’t talk to me for a long time.”
“All because I ‘ruined my life’ and was ‘grieving for the grandkids she would never have.’……… I literally said my whole life I never wanted kids; why did my sterilization surgery come as such a surprise to you?”
“Kudos to you, mommabear.” ~ mitsu_gal_jenni
“I’m 30 and a lesbian and don’t want my own kids and people still tell my mom not to worry, that I might change my mind and settle down with a nice man and have babies. My mom’s response is always, ‘why would I want her to be miserable with a husband and children when she could be happy with a wife and dogs?'”
“I have five niblings (and she has five grandchildren!!) that I absolutely adore and I love babies, but I don’t want my own.”
“Thank you for being an awesome mom, I wish I could share you and my mom with everyone who needs awesome moms.” ~ kas405
OP’s mom should respect her boundaries.