Adulthood brings plenty of stressful and boring elements. But it comes with some exciting benefits too.
Adults are empowered with enough confidence and knowledge of the world to help the younger people that may lack the wherewithal.
Teenagers or young adults can often rely on a trusted adult when they’re stuck in a jam.
But not all helping hands are warmly received by everyone.
One Redditor discovered that the hard way recently. They explained the dicey situation in a post to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), who dubbed themselves HUGO_4815162342, explained the key dynamics at play in their title for the post.
“AITA for helping my daughter’s boyfriend against his parents wishes?”
OP offered a cursory summation at the beginning of their explanation.
“Long story short, am I the a**hole for giving my daughter’s boyfriend his portion of the money he needed for them to move into an apartment together, against his parents wishes?”
“His parents are majorly pi**ed because I gave him the money, because they didn’t want him to move in with my daughter.”
OP then outlined the key sources of friction.
“He is 22 years old, works a full time job, and has been dating my daughter for 3 years.”
“His parents require him to give them his entire salary every pay period, it’s direct deposited into their bank account. They give him an ‘allowance’ of $100 per week.”
Afterward, OP explained his parents’ rationale. And OP didn’t hesitate to state how they felt about that.
“They told him he could not move out because they need his help financially, but his father makes really good money as an architect, and his mother makes a moderate income as a high school teacher.”
“I personally don’t think they should be depending on their son’s income or forcing him/guilting him into giving them his money.”
“I gave him the money, he opened his own bank account and had his job change his direct deposit. They are moving in the apartment this coming weekend.”
But, of course, it was not that simple.
“His mother posted a scathing post on Facebook basically threatening me with bodily harm for ‘messing with her family and getting involved with things that are none of my business.’”
“She then proceeded to call me and scream at me with pretty much the same message. I hung up on her.”
“So, am I the a**hole for getting involved in their family matters? Should I have stayed out of it?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked to provide feedback by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors took OP’s side. They outlined the serious importance of the young man’s financial independence.
“NTA his parents sound like sh** and he needs to separate his bank account and close off their access to it ASAP. That’s so inappropriate.” — sorrypumpkin
“NTA. They’re only pissed that because of you they’re going to struggle to continue to financially abuse him. Honestly, good on you.” — KaterpillarKush
“I got to the part where you said they take his entire salary and then give him a $100 allowance… and Holy sh**. I had to stop reading there. That is 100% financial abuse.”
“They’re mad at you because you helped him break free of their abusive control. The whole ‘stay out of our family business’ thing is wonderful for abusers. Then there is no one to speak up for, protect, or help the victims of abuse.”
“If I were you, I would block them (it’s amazing how much more happy and peaceful your life becomes when you cut toxic people out). You did good. NTA.” — tomboyfutch
“NTA. He needs to get a new private bank account ASAP.” — sassyfontaine
Others took a moment to heap praise on OP.
“NTA. You sound like a great person.” — ILike2Sh**
“I was going to say that’s a bit extreme but, when i noticed his age that completely changed things. He is an adult, this level of parenting from his parents is insane.”
“Good on you for helping him out, i cant imagine how long he would of been stuck in that nightmare if you didn’t step in. NTA” — TheLoudCanadianGirl
“NTA you helped a young man get out of being exploited.” — CoastalCerulean
“You saved this young man from a subtler form of abuse. NTA. Quite the opposite in fact. You’re a veritable hero.” — SCRuler
Some suggested that OP prepare for further developments.
“NTA If that post is still up get some screen shots in case you need to go to the police.” —Knittingfairy09113
“Nta. Maybe consider getting matching restraining orders” — Exilicauda
“I would print a copy of her Facebook rant and give it to the police since she threaten you with bodily harm.”
“They are probably harassing your daughter too, I would make sure that she saves up any evidence, as well, and give to the police and hopefully get a restraining order against them.” — Swimming-Site-7682
And one person offered advise about how OP could continue to be a valuable adult in his life.
“NTA. I would also suggest that you offer to go over his work benefits package with him to make sure he knows what he has and how it works, change login credentials as well as security questions.”
“This poor guy probably has some ‘adulting’ gaps that will become apparent over the next year.” — dngermom
Thanks to the unanimous support, OP can not only rest easy, but continue to impart necessary wisdom and confidence to someone who unfortunately found himself needing it pretty urgently.