Weddings can oftentimes bring out the worst in people.
Today’s round of bad wedding behavior is brought to you by Redditor SereneChaosExplorer and her stepdaughter.
The Original Poster (OP) has recently decided she is not attending her stepdaughter’s wedding after years of snide comments and disrespect.
But a blowout argument with her husband, the father-of-the-bride, drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for Skipping My Stepdaughter’s Wedding After Years of Disrespect?”
She explained:
“AITA for refusing to attend my stepdaughter’s wedding? Background: My stepdaughter has always been daddy’s little princess.”
“Her wedding is approaching, and she’s turned into a bridezilla, expecting everyone to cater to her whims. She insisted on a lavish affair, and I’m expected to play the role of the loving stepmom.”
“Here’s the kicker – she never accepted me into the family and always treated me like an outsider.”
“So, after years of enduring her subtle jabs and snide comments, I’ve had enough. I told my husband that I won’t be attending the wedding.”
“Why should I pretend to be happy for her when she never showed me any respect? Now, my husband and his entire family are furious with me, claiming I’m ruining her special day.”
“Am I the a**hole for standing up for myself and refusing to play the role of the supportive stepmom after years of being treated like an afterthought?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“YTA – I’m going to go out on a limb here and say youre the AH.”
“As you provided no context to the ‘constant disrespect’ but did insult your stepdaughter in your post I’m going to guess this isn’t some one sided conflict.”
“But choosing her wedding to make this stand and make a stink is an AH thing to do. If you have a problem with her, address through communication, not try and make the wedding all about you.”
“Edit – in response to your edit, I still see you as the AH here. You haven’t listed anything that I would consider ‘constant disrespect’ – just that you have a contentious relationship.”
“A wedding is not the hill to die on here.” – jrm1102
“Your lack of specifics and the hurtfulness that your absence at the wedding would inflict upon your husband suggest that you’re living up to every wicked stepmother cliché.”
“Barring some more information, YTA.” – Jonny-Pasadena
“If there was ever a post that screamed ‘missing, missing reasons,’ this is it. YTA.”
“And the edit:”
“‘Her disrespectful behavior wasn’t always overt but manifested in subtle yet hurtful ways’”
“Translation: I can’t name a single overt action because none existed, but she didn’t treat me like I demanded.”
“She consistently excluded me from family discussions and events, making it clear I wasn’t considered an integral part of the family.’”
“So she did family things with siblings/cousins/dad etc and didn’t go out of her way to make it about OP”
“‘Rare acknowledgments were often accompanied by dismissive comments or condescending tones.’”
“So no amount of politeness was enough for OP, read into everything her step-daughter said or did.”
“and the kicker:”
“‘On various occasions, she compared me unfavorably to her biological mother, emphasizing that my husband was happier when he was with her.’”
“So either mom is dead, and she insisted on being the only mom, or she’s the affair partner that broke up the marriage.” – delkarnu
“YTA. Go and be polite like an adult. You actually sound jealous and competitive with her.”
“What are some concrete examples of what she’s done? How old was she when you came along? You left out tons of details, which leads me to think you’re the AH.”
“This also won’t help your relationship with your husband. And she’ll always come before you. He can’t replace her, but he can get a new wife.”
“And if she has kids he will want to be involved… so think long and hard before you go nuclear.” – DELILAHBELLE2605
“YTA”
“I can appreciate you kept it short and to the point. Unfortunately, it read as disdain towards your step-daughter, with everything being placed on her for what’s going wrong.”
“You didn’t include any details of ages or, more importantly, how long you’ve known each other for now. I’m hoping it’s over 1-2 years.”
“Anything less, you’d be a huge AH as those types of relationships take time and for me 1-2 years isn’t a lot.”
“If it’s more than 1-2 years, you’ve finally decided to take a stance on what her special day is. It feels punitive vs boundary setting/protective” – SoodieSundays
“YTA. As a fellow step; this is not the time, nor place if this the first stand you intend to take. If you are ready for the consequences, proceed.”
“I guarantee if your husband and daughter are that close, it will not go well for you as your intended outcome.” – Notdoingitanymore
“NTA! Seems like this is not the popular opinion, but I feel you’re definitely NOT an a**hole.”
“She is finally reaping what she has sown, and you have no responsibility to sugar-coat the situation just to make her look good.” – JaaneDowe
“How are you ruining the stepdaughter’s special day if she has never accepted you as part of her family?”
“Even without additional info about the situation here (like how old she was when you married her dad, how many years you have been in her life etc )…”
“…people are entitled not to attend a wedding if they don’t want to. NTA” – Spiritual-Bridge3027
“YTA, her wedding is not the time and place to make a stand, especially if you’ve never done or said anything about it previously.”
“Based on this post, it honestly sounds like you’re just bitter at the attention she gets from your husband.” – chaserscarlet
“YTA. My stepsons have treated me like complete garbage (their mother bought them gifts for doing it). Their treatment wasn’t just passive aggressive jabs.”
“It was active destruction of my home and attempted destruction of my marriage.”
“However, if one of them got married and wanted me at their wedding, I would go and I would pretend to have a great time in the classiest of ways.”
“Why? Because I’m the ADULT in the situation, and they were just kids when they were being heavily alienated against my husband and myself.”
“They didn’t choose their terrible mother, they didn’t choose for their parent’s divorce, and they didn’t choose for me to be in their lives.”
“Just because divorce is common these days, doesn’t mean it still doesn’t screw kids up.”
“Grow up, put on your adult face, and play the part she wants you play in her wedding. Who knows, maybe this will be the start of a new path in your relationship with her.” – Just-Contribution418
“NTA at least on your side of the story.”
“Which is not a way to say I don’t believe you, but just to introduce the overall problem here…”
“…by how you describe her personality, she probably already manipulated her whole family against you and this was just a bomb waiting to go off.”
“And most of her entitled, manipulative behavior is to blame on her dad treating her like his little princess.”
“Unfortunately, I think your error here was getting involved with that family in general.”
“Your husband doesn’t look like he’s so much of an outsider, and he will most likely keep siding with them because he prefers to bash you rather than going against his family.” – Drezhar
“NTA – Ignore the YTAs; she isn’t your blood, and you have no relationship. An invitation implies choice, if there is no choice, then it is no longer an invitation and becomes a demand.”
“No individual can demand you go to a wedding or any other kind of event. You don’t like her; she doesn’t like you, so why go.”
“She probably wants you to go so people don’t ask questions, she is worried about how others perceive her, she doesn’t care about having you there as a valued relative.” – [deleted]
The OP went on to update their post:
“Edit: Wow, I’ve been reading through the comments, and I realize many of you think I’m the a**hole. It’s given me some perspective, and I appreciate the different viewpoints.”
“I want to provide more details on how my stepdaughter has treated me over the years.”
“Her disrespectful behavior wasn’t always overt but manifested in subtle yet hurtful ways.”
“She consistently excluded me from family discussions and events, making it clear I wasn’t considered an integral part of the family.”
“Rare acknowledgments were often accompanied by dismissive comments or condescending tones.”
“On various occasions, she compared me unfavorably to her biological mother, emphasizing that my husband was happier when he was with her.”
“These accumulated instances of disrespect made it challenging to connect and contributed to my decision not to attend her wedding.”
“My husband, who invited me to the wedding, hasn’t been the best at managing the dynamic between his daughter and me.”
“He often downplayed her disrespectful behavior, urging me to ‘let it slide’ for the sake of family harmony. This lack of acknowledgment and support added to the strain on our relationship.”
“The wedding became a breaking point, as he expected me to play the supportive stepmother despite the years of disrespect.”
“It’s a complex situation, and I’m grappling with how poorly it’s been handled on multiple fronts.”
There might be a couple -zillas in this story.
What do you think, readers? What judgment would you give the OP?