No two siblings have the same relationship.
While some siblings are each other’s best friends, others have somewhat more fraught relationships, and seldom speak with one another.
The daughters of Redditor Worldly-Surprise6288 weren’t the closest growing up, but it seemed they had grown to love each other and respect each other’s differences.
That is, until it became known that the older sister made a point of not inviting her younger sister to her wedding, to the utter horror of their mother.
Wondering if she found the best solution to this problem, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for saying I will not attending my daughter’s wedding?”
The OP first gave some insight to her daughters’ relationship and the effect a major turning point in one of their lives had on it.
“So I (49 f[emale]) have 2 daughters, Tracy (23) and Caitlin (17)
Back story: Caitlin and Tracy weren’t really close when they were growing up but they got on.”
“They had the basic sisterly fights every now and then but nothing too big.”
“Caitlin came out when she was 13 as bisexual which wasn’t really a shock to a lot of people and because of that people accepted her pretty fast.”
“But Tracy had a few things to say about it.”
“She was very small minded about that kind of thing.”
“But after talking about it with her, she agreed to keep her beliefs to herself.”
It wasn’t long before both of the OP’s daughter’s happily found themselves in relationships.
“Caitlin started dating a girl in her class, ‘S’, a couple months after she came out.”
“This girl was the nicest person anyone can meet and she made my daughter happy which made me happy,”
“Fast forward a couple of years: Caitlin and ‘S’ are still dating.”
“Tracy had started dating a guy when she was 19 and after about 2 years together they got engaged.”
“Tracy always dreamed about having the perfect wedding which is in two weeks.”
But the OP was alarmed when helping Tracy with the seating plan for the wedding, noticing one very conspicuous absence.
“After doing last minute changes and just going over the plans, she showed me the seating plan and I realized Caitlin was not on the chart.”
“I asked her about it and she said she didn’t invite her because she was scared of making the family look bad in front of her fiancé’s family.”
“I was taken aback by this and asked her about it and this is how it went:”
“Me: ‘What do you mean you don’t want the family to look bad?'”
“T: ‘I just don’t want them to know about her “lifestyle”‘.”
“Me: ‘There is nothing wrong with her lifestyle, she is who she is’.”
“T: ‘Yeah ok whatever she isn’t invited end of story’.”
“I had so much more to say about the matter but I just tried to keep my calm.”
“Without any hesitation I said ‘If your sister is not invited you should give my seat away to someone because I will not be coming’.”
“I grabbed my things and left.”
“All I heard as I was walking out the door was my daughter crying and begging me to come to the wedding because she needed her mum there.”
“It’s been a few days, I have had hundreds of messages from my daughter and future son-in-law, but I have been ignoring them.”
“I have planned a little mini vacation away with Caitlin. I also invited ‘S’ and her family.”
“So AITA for saying I will not attend my eldest daughter’s wedding and instead going on a mini vacation with my youngest?”
The OP would later add she tried to get Tracy to change her mind, but her efforts proved futile.
“I forgot to mention I gave Tracy a second chance to change her mind about it, but she just started crying and calling me a bad mother.”
“Would like to say that even if Caitlin was invited she wouldn’t get a +1, so unless she told people she was bisexual people wouldn’t have known about her dating a girl”
The OP also revealed Caitlin urged her to go to the wedding, even if she and ‘S’ weren’t invited and also gave some insight as to where Tracy’s religious beliefs stemmed from.
“When Caitlin found out about the situation she got upset and was visibly holding back tears.”
“She said I should go and enjoy the day, but even if I did go I know I will definitely not be enjoying it so that’s why I booked the holiday”
“For everyone asking where she learned the bigotry from, Tracy has had a very religious best friend since she started school.”
“Her in-laws are religious, I believe, but I’m not sure what their beliefs are about the LGBTQ+ community.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community supported the OP’s decision not to attend Tracy’s wedding, agreeing she was not the a**hole in this situation.
Everyone commended the OP for standing behind Caitlin and for not tolerating the bigotry of Tracy and potentially her future in-laws.
“I commend you for standing behind your daughter.”
“I wish her sister had the same sense of loyalty and love.”
“I would have done the same thing.”
“I wouldn’t even want to have much to do with this family she was marrying into if they are that judgmental.”- kek2015.
“Your daughter is a bigot and presented no valid reason for not inviting her sister.”
“Does she even have any reason to believe her in-laws family would care?”
“In this instance, you made the right call.”
“You’d be condoning her actions by going to this wedding.”- Anizziepluto.
“She tried to sneak not inviting her sister past everyone, how rotten.”- rmric0.
“Good on you for showing your oldest daughter the consequences of her own homophobic actions.”
“Good on you for also showing your younger daughter that you will not allow anyone to treat her wrong or exclude her just because of her sexuality.”
“Gold standard parenting.”-Dont-trust-it.
“Your eldest daughter is learning bigotry has consequences.”- GothPenguin.
“You’re standing up for your youngest daughter.”
“It’s funny how the eldest is talking about embarrassment when her attitude is embarrassing.”
“She can stay in her biphobic/homophobic bubble while you and your youngest enjoy the mini vacation and not having to worry about your eldest causing drama for the sake of it.”-ElevatorOk8601.
“You are a good mother and Tracy is the big asshole and a hypocrite for doing this to her only sister just to save face.”
“If her future in law have a problem with her sister and partner and she is still marrying into that family then she doesn’t deserve you and her sister.”
“It’s takes a brave and courageous person to come out especially with how sick the world is now.”
“Love to from me to Cat and you are the best mum and have memorable vacation.”
“But don’t let her guilt you into changing your mind if she would not invite her sister and her partner.”-Active-Tie4893.
“So did she just lie to her in-laws about not having a sister?”
“Is she going to hide Caitlin from them forever?”
“I’m so confused.”-ndermine.
“I understand how much this hurts you, but i think Tracy went way overboard.”
“If she would’ve said ‘C is not invited because she bullied me/stole from me/damaged my life in any way’, it would’ve been another thing.”
“But she is excluding her sister because she is homophobic.”- throwawayag7.
“Your daughters are both important to you, and you saw that giving in to this situation would be a very effective betrayal of her little sister, by both her and you.”
“It sucks that she is trying to strong arm this through, but you are absolutely making the correct choice.”-WatcherRat.
“You’re supporting Caitlin and Tracey is trying to break up your family because of ‘how it will look’.”
“You made the right call showing solidarity with your daughter.”-GdoubleWB.
“You did absolutely right.”
“That was pure and simple homophobia, and you would be TA if you looked the other way.”-kiwiparallels.
“Who wants to support bigotry?”
“Your oldest daughter sucks in this scenario.”
“Having a sister who is bisexual is not an embarrassment to the family.”
“She’s extremely closed minded and needs a head shake.”- bluemonker0.
“I wish my mother would have been like this.”
“Enjoy your vacation!”-wolkenschloss13.
“You know Tracy would have told others that her sister decided not to come if it hadn’t come out.”
“Now she’ll have to explain why her own mother won’t come.”- Consistent-Reality44.
“This is a really crappy no-win situation (because either way you will lose a daughter) but NTA.”
“This whole situation is one that was created by Tracy.”
“When it comes to Caitlin, you’re doing exactly what you need to do as a mother: loving her unconditionally and giving her the support she needs.”
“From what you described, Tracy had no problem with it either, until she started planning her wedding.”
“If she wants to lose her family because she doesn’t want Caitlin being out and proud then that’s her loss.”
“Her in laws are going to find out anyway that Caitlin is bisexual, and she’s just making this whole thing more stressful than it needs to be.”
“You’re doing the right thing choosing to support Caitlin rather than Tracy.”- desert_red_head.
Tracy’s actions suggest she seems more concerned with impressing her soon-to-be in-laws than she is with remaining close with her own family.
A decision she may live to regret.