Worry is a natural human reaction when we find out that someone we love is injured or ill.
A sense of privacy is, for many, a vital need.
What happens when someone believes that the former is more important than the latter?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) throwraOP96657 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) for judgment.
“AITA for banning my MIL from the house after I discovered that she’s installed a camera in the bedroom?”
OP began with some tragic news.
“My husband (Male 33) got into a car accident almost a month ago.”
“He’s been bedridden due to a back injury and I’ve been his primary caregiver.”
OP then set the tone for the issue to come.
“The pressure has been too much from my MIL, she keeps telling me to take care of him and be there for him constantly.”
“She begged me to take time of work and I did, asked me to send her hourly updates about his condition (first 2 weeks) but when I don’t she’d get mad and cause an issue.”
“She visits everyday but doesn’t do anything to help, alternatively, she’d list all the things I should or shouldn’t do. The family keeps telling me she’s just worried sick for her son so I try to stay calm.”
“Days ago, she called to berate me about not replacing the sheets quickly.”
“I had no idea how she found out since my husband didn’t call her.”
Everything was tolerable, until…
“My sister in law called me to tell me that her mom installed a camera in the bedroom to see if I was taking proper care of her son.”
“I was stunned, after searching the room I found the camera, I called my MIL and had a huge fight with her.”
“She admitted it and said she was just feeling concerned and wanted to make sure her son was being cared for (despite him calling her everyday) I yelled at her telling her that she’s no longer allowed into my home after this.”
“She lost it and went on a rant about how I’m stopping her from seeing her son and that not seeing him will literally make her sick herself.”
“The family called me later to get me to back out of this decision but I told them she breached my privacy and took advantage of the situation, they said I’m taking it too personally and that I can’t blame a concerned mother for wanting to make sure her son’s fine.”
“Especially since she listed things she thought I was doing wrong.”
“I ended the conversation but my husband is upset telling me I’m being vindictive and that if his mom can’t come then he’ll move there with her.”
“We argued then I went outside and he’s been silent ever since.”
OP was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some offered thoughts on how to secure her home.
“I have a sick feeling she never would have uninstalled it.”
“Check the rest of your house and block anyone who doesn’t respect your autonomy and privacy.” ~ [deleted]
“Maybe change the wifi.”
“Likely it is a wifi camera and will lose connection if you change the password.” ~ Photo_Dove_1010220
“It might be a sim one where WiFi won’t do much!”
“Op check to see what cam it is and iam sure there’s people here who can help you check if there’s more and to stop them all working” ~ spaceprincess09
“I think with most internet provider accounts you can see a list of connected devices if you want to check if there’s more of them hooked up (if it is wifi).”
“Would never have thought of this without that comment though. Great idea!” ~ Blueberry252
Others pointed out the obvious privacy concerns.
“You could have been getting dressed.”
“You could have had some ‘alone time’. You could have helped your husband beat some meat.”
“So many things she could have seen that she had no right to. I don’t even think I’d talk to her.” ~ Auroraburst
Commenters pointed out that Husband was a willing accomplice.
“This is a deal breaker.”
“Your husband let this happen. He’s blaming you for the accident.”
“The family is against you but not helping you help him through this injury.”
“You’re being abused and it won’t get better.”
“I wish you the best but we’re all suggesting that you evaluate whether this is worth it.” ~ RedTalyn
“If your husband is bedridden, he probably was there when his mom put up the camera.”
“I read your other post, he sounds emotionally abusive and his family is crazy.”
“Obviously ending a marriage is a way bigger deal than reddit makes it seem with ‘just leave’, but I think I have to agree on this one.”
“This doesn’t seem like a relationship that makes you happy.” ~ spongebobsworsthole
“You know he knew about the camera, right?”
“He can’t leave that room. He was there when she installed it. She did it with his permission and support.”
“Pack him up and send him to her house, then change the locks.”
“They deserve each other.” ~ Kathrynlena
Commenters considered the possible future possibilities.
“I say this with complete sympathy, but you need to divorce as this situation will never ever get better.”
“I just read your other post – your husband and MIL are absolutely toxic.”
“You married a bad guy.”
“I’ve had experience with mama boys (as well as my friends and my sister) – he will NEVER change.”
“He will never magically take your side- you will always be second to his mother’s needs.”
“Are you ready to spend the rest of your life like this? If so, keep doing what you are doing.”
“If you want a better life- let him move out and file for divorce.”
“I hate to be blunt, but there are only two options – you being miserable living with a man who allows his mother to FILM YOU, or starting over on your own and finding happiness.”
“I promise you- there will be no happiness with the man you married. I think you already know that.”
“Good luck!” ~ jeajea22
Some talked about possible legal issues.
“Wtf….Are you in the US??”
“That’s illegal here and with her behavior I would have called the cops on her…”
“And if your husband is defending her insane behavior let him go move back in with her. They can both be miserable together and you can have some peace.”
“Do not back down from this.” ~ Help24-7
“That is sickening behavior on top of everything else.”
“If he hasn’t let go of the tit, then let go of him.”
What if your husband and you were feeling a little frisky and the ‘medicine’ was a mind-blowing bl*w j*b?”
“Would she tell you what you were doing wrong there too?”
“Or criticize how you look when changing clothes in the privacy of your bedroom??”
“Oh hell no, I’d send his ass to her house and let them both know real quick this is not only a personal boundary, but a legal boundary that should never be crossed!”
“Stand your ground!” ~ jledbetter0714
“Unsolicited, unauthorized record and transmit wiretaps are felonies in many US States (not sure where you are located).”
“The more important question is did your husband consent to your MIL installing it?”
“If he is bedridden with a back injury requiring support, was he in the room when she set it up?”
“NTA, the gall of this woman knows no bounds which has created a submissive son willing to kowtow to her whimsical demands.”
“It sucks that a tragic event had to make this glaringly obvious, but now that you know, you can’t concede.” ~ Theemillershow
Commenters were surprised at how calm OP was.
“I don’t understand how OP is so calm about this.”
“Fine, they weren’t intimate, but I imagine like most normal people, they’re changing their clothes in their bedroom or walking about in their underwear and whatnot.”
“The unbelievable breach and violation of privacy and OP’s husband not only condoning it but threatening OP with leaving is just BIZARRE.”
“The idea of a camera being in my shoe closet, let alone my bedroom would freak me the fuck out.” ~BrownSugarBare
OP was urged to get some perspective.
“This right here is so important.”
“OP take one step back and think about this as if a friend was in the exact same situation.”
“I guarantee you would think that what is going on is insane. So no, you are definitely NTA in any way shape or form.”
“The invasion of privacy is off the charts.”
“Between this and your other post definitely do not let her back in the house any time soon.”
“While you are at it take a quick look through your other rooms just to be safe.”
“If your husband continues to ice you out, not support you and make you feel bad have him take his mom up on the offer to go live with her.”
“The distance would be a good chance to reevaluate your marriage. Having an injured spouse is already a big enough stressor on a marriage.”
“Throw in what sounds like an insane MIL and you have every right to kick her out of the house.” ~ 10ManArmy
Privacy is one of those intangibles that, once gone, cannot be retrieved.
Like trust, once your sense of privacy – of security – is destroyed, it can be years before you feel that sense once more.